Your kid says she wants to quit pitching.....

[FP26]

Ultimately if she doesn't want to do it, she will not be happy. However, sometimes children can make brash decisions.

When my daughter was that age she tended to focus on her sport of choice as often as possible. She played and practiced softball all summer and into the fall. By October she would tell us that basketball was her favorite sport. She played and practiced all winter and into the early spring. By March she would tell us that softball was her favorite sport. It was that way for 3 or 4 years until she finally decided to give up basketball and focus on softball. In hindsight we probably could have provided more of a balance between both sports, but we allowed her to pick what she wanted to do. The result was that she would work so much that she got tired of it and switched to the other sport for a few months and then switched back.

 

[HasBeenorNeverWas]

DD quit pitching after 5-years of throwing. I could see it coming during her second year of 12u, so when we finally had the conversation late in her first year 14u TB season it wasn't surprising. While she was a good pitcher, she never wanted to put the work in to take the next step. The glass half full is that the time she spent working on pitching, she put into her overall defense. Finding a real passion to excel at 3B.

Pitching is now something she does for "fun" at the end of a hitting session or team practice. "I want to see if I still have it". 10 minutes later, she's good to go home with a smile on her face.

This is sort of how mine has always been. But it makes her so happy to pitch in games, and she even enjoys pitching in lessons. It's very recent that she had an amazing outing followed by a poor outing and then said I can't do it....I can't perform. I feel it's 100% that she just doesn't believe in herself and gets in her head which is why it makes me so sad for her to give it up knowing that she's only quitting because of the stress she puts on herself.

 

[Northball]

No I don't regret it. I had a great time playing and earned all kinds of awards in HS. I had a little interest from pro teams and was one of a few invited to a huge tryout in St. Louis. I did well there. Still, life happens and I had to go to work. I played SS and OF when I didn't pitch and was able to lock in at SS when I stopped pitching. For me, it seemed that no matter how good I was, there was always another higher level expected of me. No one could meet those demands. That is why when I coached my dd, I never pushed her. To this day I will not talk to certain coaches I had growing up. The things I was called if I lost have caused me to really dislike them. I did run into a great coach in HS and after my 15-year-old summer season. The guy who coached me that summer and after that summer drove me to all of the pro camps I was invited to.

To be honest, you and your dd have to have an honest sit-down talk. What you want really is secondary to what she wants since the end result is that she could just quit playing. I absolutely loved my HS season playing a position and hitting.

Good story. And I'm a little jealous because the only interest I had from the pros was an e-mail from the Twins if I wanted a package deal on season tickets.

Navigating DD's journey was kind of like walking a tightrope. She needed pushing sometimes to keep her going, but she also needed space to not feel forced to keep going. A few times we reached the next platform of an off-season where we had to have a conversation if she really wanted to keep going. She knew she could quit anytime, so it did help her realize that she was the one who wanted to pitch, and I was just there to help her get better.

 

[Merry25]

What's your response? Potential is limitless...throws hard and has lots of movement. Struggle is real though as has always delt with some performance anxiety. Torn between "its your life" and "you're doing it because we've invested so much time and effort."

Edited: She loves to pitch but it's been such a struggle that she just wants to give up because it's causes so much stress for her

Ask her if she feels like she is putting too much pressure on herself? Or if the coaches are expecting too much which causes the pressure? Or if it is caused by her teammates? Ask her if she wants to step away is that being a good teammate or do her teammates want her to continue to pitch because she does a good job? There is usually a reason that has nothing to do with actually being the pitcher on the mound. Try to have her explain her true feelings. Do not pass judgement as she is talking, please try to understand what she wants to do before trying to show her the best reasons for continuing to be the pitcher that you would like her to be. Good luck!!

 

[clarity]

She enjoys throwing batting practice . . .

As does mine. Unfortunately, she throws batting practice to the other team, during games.

 

[El Oso]

What's your response? Potential is limitless...throws hard and has lots of movement. Struggle is real though as has always delt with some performance anxiety. Torn between "its your life" and "you're doing it because we've invested so much time and effort."

Edited: She loves to pitch but it's been such a struggle that she just wants to give up because it's causes so much stress for her

My response would be "Then you can quit pitching".

Maybe I missed the memo that says once you quit pitching you can never go back to it? I don't see why this is a question at all really. Let her quit pitching. If she misses it, she can always start pitching again. Simple as that. No need to overthink things.

 

[Hillhouse]

I certainly don't wanna hijack this thread but let me tell you a story, it's one I tell at all the speaking engagements I do (coaching clinics).

I never played baseball, not even sandlot. My dad played fastpitch so, even our sandlot ball with the neighborhood kids was softball, not baseball. My father would "pitch" to us but, it was basically T-ball without the Tee (and no, he was not a pitcher). But, I pitched in my first game at 11 in the church league which had a mix of older and younger people. Then at 12, I got a quasi invitation to play on a men's team in the city rec league, which was the premier league in town. It was the B division, not to be confused with the A division that had much better teams and players. But, still, 12 yrs old and on a city rec B league team. I remember my father having to sign waivers for me to play, etc. They didn't really have a uniform that fit me. And I didn't get many innings. But, here's the thing, I was 12. I was playing against grown men. Former college and even some pro baseball players. Men who've been playing the game much longer than I was alive. And I got my A$$ handed to me each time I went out.

This is where I'd ask the audience, "would you let your 12 year old kid pitch against UCLA? Oklahoma? How about a mid major team like North Florida University? I came along a generation or 2 too soon. These days I could just identify as a girl or could sue to play on a girls team, maybe even for a scholarship? lol. But back then all I could do was take my beating when I did get into a game. I had hopes and dreams that one day I'd take my revenge as an adult, striking out everyone who hit me with such ease. But, it was also a pretty big abstract thought and seemed like that day was taking forever to arrive and may never come.

I absolutely felt like quitting, both because I felt like it would always be like this (getting hit around) and because I had so few opportunities to get better. It was the classic catch 22: they won't pitch me until I get more experience and better, but I couldn't get that experience without being given the chance. And lets face it, the other pitchers on my team were grown men who threw harder than me, had actual movement pitches (if I was lucky, I could make the ball drop (usually on accident) sometimes but a riseball was YEARS away). I didn't have a pitching coach. So, I had a very hard time figuring out what to work on first, next, in between, and had no idea how to measure any progress.

Original poster, I know EXACTLY what your DD feels like: the good and bad. I can tell you both that this will get easier but, there's no guarantee of that. I can tell you that I used the beatings and bad games when I was younger as the inspiration to get better. I am lucky that I was able to do that, not everyone can. For every Jordy Bahl who works her butt off, there's 10 Sally Jones' who would rather quit if they aren't immediately a star and getting instant gratification from games. Softball pitching isn't different than any other sport, you get out of it what you put into it. Even then, there's no guarantee that she'll achieve her goals. Life has a way of throwing curveballs (pardon the pun) at us. If she has a fear of disappointing her team with a bad game, that's a legit concern. Remind her that the shortstop is probably also worried about that too, games are sometimes lost on an easy play turned into an error. Everyone worries about letting others down. I can tell you both this much, the high we feel from winning pales in comparison to the lows of losing, at least for me it does. Ultimately if she's not having fun doing this, then you already have your answer. But, changing sports won't matter then. She'll have the same concerns mentally in any sport as she does from softball. That's why I cannot emphasis the sport's psych enough.

 

[HasBeenorNeverWas]

My response would be "Then you can quit pitching".

Maybe I missed the memo that says once you quit pitching you can never go back to it? I don't see why this is a question at all really. Let her quit pitching. If she misses it, she can always start pitching again. Simple as that. No need to overthink things.

I haven't really said anything to her about it. She's very independent so mostly all of my opinions she makes sure to feel the opposite Her travel ball coach did talk to her about it briefly and said she was a good enough player to stay on the team even if she wasn't pitching, however she would likely still need to throw some innings occasionally and in high school her coach will likely tell her she has to pitch or to hit the road. I posted this looking for input from parents/pitchers who have been there/done that as a way to find to support her and (hopefully) indirectly encourage her to stick with it and not get down on herself or put so much pressure on herself.

 

[HasBeenorNeverWas]

I certainly don't wanna hijack this thread but let me tell you a story, it's one I tell at all the speaking engagements I do (coaching clinics).

I never played baseball, not even sandlot. My dad played fastpitch so, even our sandlot ball with the neighborhood kids was softball, not baseball. My father would "pitch" to us but, it was basically T-ball without the Tee (and no, he was not a pitcher). But, I pitched in my first game at 11 in the church league which had a mix of older and younger people. Then at 12, I got a quasi invitation to play on a men's team in the city rec league, which was the premier league in town. It was the B division, not to be confused with the A division that had much better teams and players. But, still, 12 yrs old and on a city rec B league team. I remember my father having to sign waivers for me to play, etc. They didn't really have a uniform that fit me. And I didn't get many innings. But, here's the thing, I was 12. I was playing against grown men. Former college and even some pro baseball players. Men who've been playing the game much longer than I was alive. And I got my A$$ handed to me each time I went out.

This is where I'd ask the audience, "would you let your 12 year old kid pitch against UCLA? Oklahoma? How about a mid major team like North Florida University? I came along a generation or 2 too soon. These days I could just identify as a girl or could sue to play on a girls team, maybe even for a scholarship? lol. But back then all I could do was take my beating when I did get into a game. I had hopes and dreams that one day I'd take my revenge as an adult, striking out everyone who hit me with such ease. But, it was also a pretty big abstract thought and seemed like that day was taking forever to arrive and may never come.

I absolutely felt like quitting, both because I felt like it would always be like this (getting hit around) and because I had so few opportunities to get better. It was the classic catch 22: they won't pitch me until I get more experience and better, but I couldn't get that experience without being given the chance. And lets face it, the other pitchers on my team were grown men who threw harder than me, had actual movement pitches (if I was lucky, I could make the ball drop (usually on accident) sometimes but a riseball was YEARS away). I didn't have a pitching coach. So, I had a very hard time figuring out what to work on first, next, in between, and had no idea how to measure any progress.

Original poster, I know EXACTLY what your DD feels like: the good and bad. I can tell you both that this will get easier but, there's no guarantee of that. I can tell you that I used the beatings and bad games when I was younger as the inspiration to get better. I am lucky that I was able to do that, not everyone can. For every Jordy Bahl who works her butt off, there's 10 Sally Jones' who would rather quit if they aren't immediately a star and getting instant gratification from games. Softball pitching isn't different than any other sport, you get out of it what you put into it. Even then, there's no guarantee that she'll achieve her goals. Life has a way of throwing curveballs (pardon the pun) at us. If she has a fear of disappointing her team with a bad game, that's a legit concern. Remind her that the shortstop is probably also worried about that too, games are sometimes lost on an easy play turned into an error. Everyone worries about letting others down. I can tell you both this much, the high we feel from winning pales in comparison to the lows of losing, at least for me it does. Ultimately if she's not having fun doing this, then you already have your answer. But, changing sports won't matter then. She'll have the same concerns mentally in any sport as she does from softball. That's why I cannot emphasis the sport's psych enough.

Thanks so much for the story. Thankfully, she's not considering quitting softball, just pitching at the moment. She did tell me last night that her response of "I don't care" to my question about needing to schedule pitching lessons was rash and she does in fact want to continue with lessons. She has her first calls with Paige Tonz tonight as well, so hoping for good things from that. Thanks again for your response!

 

[LW23]

Thanks so much for the story. Thankfully, she's not considering quitting softball, just pitching at the moment. She did tell me last night that her response of "I don't care" to my question about needing to schedule pitching lessons was rash and she does in fact want to continue with lessons. She has her first calls with Paige Tonz tonight as well, so hoping for good things from that. Thanks again for your response!

I've was in the exact same spot two year ago. DD found other sports she liked was growing like a weed and was all over the place in the circle. The best pitcher around one outing, and then walk 7 the next. I didn't understand it at all and one day she said I'm done with pitching. I will play for fun in high school. My wife and I struggled with it big time, but we let her choose her own path. She did pitch one day a week during that time in case she needed to pitch in high school ball. This went on for a few months and she walks in one day and says hey I'm not as good at these other sports as I am at being a pitcher, so I am all in let's get back at it full time. She dropped the other sports which she was good at and focused on her goal of being a D1 pitcher. 2 years later she committed to her dream school. I believe she needed to find her own path and we started working on the mental part of the game as well weekly. Her problem at the time was the amount she was growing. Things just weren't working and the frustration of that and not being able to control her body in the circle drove her crazy. It was a tough time for me as well. I knew how talented she was but it wasn't up to me. To put it in perspective she was 5'3 her freshman year and weighed 112. She is a junior now and is 5'10 and weighs 157. She also found an outlet in lifting she loves to lift and its helped her tremendously. Good Luck!