Your honest opinion...

[justanotherguy]

Posting here hoping to get some good advice about my DD and college. She's at a bit of a cross roads and is either going to call it quits, or continue on and "grin and bear it".

Backstory, she's a 2021. She's a "good" catcher, a "good" fielder (1B and OF), but not what I'd call upper level great. Her bat though, it separates her from every girl I've honestly ever seen. It's not really a brag, she hits the ever loving piss out of the ball. In all the games/showcases/tournaments we've been to, I've never seen a girl that can hit the ball as hard as she can. Not saying they're not out there, just none we've seen. We walked away from her last team after the fall because the coach wouldn't do zip for her with colleges, and I mean zip. I have a list of teams that'd take her in a second, some very high level teams. At this point though, she's about ready to walk away. She's never "loved" softball. That, and her lack of friends, is a large reason why.

So, first, as mentioned, she doesn't love softball. I've heard it said so many times that if you don't love softball then don't pursue playing in college. After some of the posts I've seen lately, I wonder if that's really the case. She wants, or now considering, to play in college solely to help her pay for school. If there's no money in any potential offers she would get, she wouldn't play. She has good grades (perfect GPA so far with honors and AP courses) so we fully expect some decent academic money.

Next, and here's a big one. She's not a team player. I don't know if I mean that the way it sounds though. We're a family of introverts. She talks when talked to, but otherwise doesn't talk to anyone. She also doesn't like most of the type of girls that play softball. She's not a leader, but not a follower. She marches to the beat of her own drum. She doesn't care what other girls think of her, and I really mean that. She can't stand hearing girls talk about their bfs or how cute this or that guy is. She hates the music most tend to like. They're just not the type of girls she cares to be around. She only really has one friend that's an athlete, otherwise she prefers the company of the "outcasts" type. She doesn't want to be the popular girl or hang out with those that are. As for playing, she honestly doesn't care one bit if the team loses or wins. All she cares about is her performance. There were times the team just rolled over some really good teams, and she didn't care because she didn't hit a HR or hit any laser shots. (She actually went 3 for 3 against the best team I've ever seen her play against, but they were all singles and she was mad!) She told me a few days ago she wished she would have chosen a non-team sport when she was younger. BUT, her big worry is that she's going to join some college team and the coach will see this and not want her around. Or they'll come to watch her and not be interested because she's not all "Ra ra go team!). I told her, at this point, she has to be honest about who she is. Introverts often get a bad wrap, but behind every outgoing successful extrovert, is a team of introverts actually doing the work. ;p I see lots of good qualities about her that would be great, IMO. She's super, super dedicated to her workout. It's basically her #1 priority. Roughly 2 hours a day, 4-5 days per week. Heavy, hard, lifting. She LOVES working out. Also, since she's not a follower, she's never going to get in trouble. She doesn't bow to peer pressure. She won't go to parties or out late "with the girls". She's very regimented.

For now, she's stepping back for a little while to decide what she wants to do. She's going to play rec baseball just to go back and have some pure fun again with no pressure. Rec basically ends when the real travel season begins. She's open to playing fill in for teams and maybe joining another. That friend aspect is a big one though. If she had a true friend, she'd love going. She only has 2 best friends and a small handful of "friends". With her personality and the things she enjoys, her making a true friend is pretty small. My thought though is that in life, you've gotta suck it up and deal with that. I like some of my co-workers, but never had one I'd call a "friend". As an introvert, you've got to compartmentalize things. Work is work. When you're done with work, you leave it at work. Then you enjoy your time with family and friends. Any introvert has to learn how to do this.

As for college, if she does truly step back for a season, then returns, she knows she may "miss the bus". She's actually strongly considering the JUCO route. If after playing JUCO she still wants continue, then try the transfer route. She's so worried about being able to pay for college, but I'm honestly not that worried. Her older brother go his associates of science and is debt free. We're in driving distance to several good schools, which he's now commuting to "State". All in all, he'll have about 15k in debt after he's done. In today's world, that's not a big deal. She knows she has my support whatever she chooses to do.

Ok, after reading all that, and being really open and honest, should she just go ahead and call it quits? Would a college really want that type of player? If she puts in the work and helps the team succeed, would a coach care? I'm sure there are some other parents out there that have been through something similar. I will support her either way.

 

[Orange Socks]

You say the coaches on the last team didn't do anything. What camps did she attend? Who is she emailing and communicating with? Are you and the family doing your part with the recruiting? Does she have a list of 10-15 schools? What was expected from the coaching staff with regards to recruiting? I have several families on my team that in my opinion are not doing what they need to do to get recruited. At least, that is what the lack of communication is telling me.

If she goes to college, is she okay with Strength and Conditioning wake up at 5:30am?
Is she okay with being a cheerleader in the dugout, during drills, during workouts?
Does she genuinely care about her teammates and helping to make them better?
Not all softballers are extroverts, but many coaches are looking for players that put themselves out there leaving their comfort zone.
If she has a vibe that I am all about me, she won't last long. Her teammates will be her family and it could get ugly if she stands on the outside of the circle rolling her eyes at the stupid things girls do and what they are interested in. Find a school that fits her personality. There are many D3 schools that would be welcoming to your DD as you describe her.

My DD's arrived her fall semester "guns a'blazin'" and I am pretty sure she upset the feng shui of the team, especially the upper classmen. My DD is an extrovert, pretty confident in her softball abilities, and I am sure many of those older girls were threatened by her brashness. All this being said, it can go the other way too. She is now good buddies with a Jr transfer that gave her SH$T in the beginning. They figured it out during talks in the weight room.

 

[The Man In Blue]

Your third paragraph says everything you need to know.

Contrary to popularly misguided notions, softball is not a way to pay for college for 99% of players. Quit playing the game if that is your only motivation. Quit spending money gambling. That is what you are doing. If you spend the money to play because she loves it, it’s good exercise, it’s a great social experience, or it’s a fun hobby ... fine. But you are pumping hundred dollar bills into a slot machine, hoping you are the one who hits the payout.

Your time is better invested in your academic studies (which will earn you far more in scholarships) and and a part time job to save up. If her grades are as good as you say, she should do fine.

The reality is very few players get softball scholarships. An even slighter percentage of those get anything close to a full ride. Most of those don’t get that until they are upper classmen.

 

[Eric F]

IMO...The only one that can answer the "should she" question is your DD. It HAS to be what SHE wants.

 

[justanotherguy]

Coaches on the last team... My DD has been emailing 3 schools. That's it so far because she has no desire to go anywhere but local. Yes she's gone to some camps put on by them, but it's also limited because spending that kind of money just for a "chance" isn't in my wheelhouse.

If she goes to college, is she okay with Strength and Conditioning wake up at 5:30am? That's an easy one. ;o)
Is she okay with being a cheerleader in the dugout, during drills, during workouts? Cheerleader as in "You got this so and so" yes. But that's the extent of it.
Does she genuinely care about her teammates and helping to make them better? That's kind of a hard one and a loaded question. She's worked her rear off to be where she is from working out, to working on her swing, to enduring a lot of things I won't comment on. When she hears from her teammates, "I wish I could bat like you" she simply says you could if you'd put in the work. If a girl has a real interest in being helped, yes she's anxious to do so. As far as speaking up and "helping" anyone, no, if not asked. An example of helping: her only friend that's an athlete is a basketball player, national as in true national. Has coaches at the top schools in the country begging her to play for them. Her little sister though, 13yo, is a softball player and idolizes my DD. We go to the field, usually, every weekend and practice together. My DD has laid out a full workout and eating routine for her and spent a lot of time helping her. Also, we coached a LL baseball team last spring and she LOVED it. The boys really listened to her and she took to coaching them well. What that means with fellow teammates, again, she's not going to speak much unless spoken to.

 

[justanotherguy]

IMO...The only one that can answer the "should she" question is your DD. It HAS to be what SHE wants.

I'm trying to look for good "parental advice". She has teams chomping at the bit to have her, but all I can do is say "Try it out". She's going back and forth for herself. I just want to be the good parent and help her make the best choices.

 

[Eric F]

I'm trying to look for good "parental advice". She has teams chomping at the bit to have her, but all I can do is say "Try it out". She's going back and forth for herself. I just want to be the good parent and help her make the best choices.

I get it. We want to guide them. It still has to be what she wants. What I do with my DD (just a bit younger than yours) is to present her with options, and (maybe) my opinions, but leave the final decision to her.

It always makes me sad to see good players leave the game, but softball isn't for everyone. Competitors are gonna compete, and athletes are gonna athlete, in whatever they do. Finding the right venue to excite their passion is an important factor.

You mentioned that she might do better with an individual sport. Has she/you thought about track and field? I know a couple of girls that have done well with it after softball. If she's not a runner, something like javelin or shotput might be a good fit, especially since she is very strong.

I'm not saying she should leave the game. Maybe it's just a matter of finding the right team. My DD isn't a big extrovert, or a "popular" girl (much of what you described about your DD also fits my DD), and there are some team dynamics that don't work for her, but in the right group, she shines in her way.

 

[murphdog]

If the only reason she wants to play in college is if she gets a scholarship then your answer is right there. She’s going to spend an awful lot of time with a college team, way more than with a club team. If she’s not in to spending time with her team now is it going to be difficult to spend more time with a new team?
Good luck to her in whatever she decides

 

[Rick M]

I have a list of teams that'd take her in a second, some very high level teams. At this point though, she's about ready to walk away. She's never "loved" softball. That, and her lack of friends, is a large reason why.

DD is years away from this process, so take this as coming from someone who knows nothing.

If she's a 2021, and has a list of offers, how important is it that she gets on a new team to play travel ball? A big bat who has top grades should be an attractive prospect. Is one of the teams on your list a place where she'd like to play? Perhaps one of the coaches who is interested in her would be able to provide some direction as to where she should look to play.

Two options for this season that you might want to consider. One, find a really low-key team that would be happy with a slugger who doesn't need to be at the center of the team dynamic. Probably easier said than done.

The second is to try and latch on with a "National" showcase team where girls come from all over. I know a number of kids who have gone this route -- they practice on their own and then fly in and play with the team for a couple of weeks during showcase season. One of the kids I know who did this just signed a NLI with Arkansas.

 

[CMMom1740]

The girls on a team don't have to be friends, but they do need to be supportive of one another and communicative with each other. Be honest; is she regarded as a "cold fish" by teammates who looks down her nose at them (not saying she does that, just what their perceptions might be) or as just sort of shy and not one to lead chants in the dugout? I think there's a big difference. If she's viewing softball as an individual sport where she just happens to wear the same uniform as other players, I think college ball would probably be a miserable experience.

Seems to me that you need to be reassuring her that she doesn't NEED softball in order to go to college. I assume from your post that that is the case. If she's great academically, she can earn money that way. She can work out as hard as she wants on her own and maybe try something like club sports or even tae kwon do outside of school to satisfy her competitive urges. She's putting a lot of pressure on herself, and if you can alleviate any of that by reassuring her about the finances, by all means do so!