Need help building confidence for Travel Ball (10u)…Long Post :/

[Softball Knight]

Hello Everyone,

I am new posting on forums but I am at the point where I don't know where else to go. I have seen similar posts about my issue but I need to get some feedback/advice on my situation. DISCLAIMER: This post is long. I feel need to provide a backstory (****Section****) to give you a better idea of what I am dealing with.

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My DD started softball at 8u rec during Fall 2020 and quickly became hooked. One of the assistant coaches gave my wife and I encouraging feedback on her ability and knowledge of the game despite her never playing sports before. Being her 1st season, I had no expectations as we were just feeling out the sport and the league. She had some flashes of great athletic ability and heads up plays as well as some humorous blunders that come from a 1st timer. It wasn't until her second season until we saw her true potential.

Her 2nd season in rec, she was picked up again by the same assistant coach from the 1st season. This team had great chemistry and ended up going undefeated the spring of 2021. That same year, the league invited my DD to try out for the 8u travel team. I was surprised that she ended up making the team in only her second season out of 30 participants. Fortunately for us, it was coached by the same staff from our rec team and 80% of her rec team made the travel team as well. My DD was by no means a top player but the improvement she showed from season 1 to 2 really opened my eyes to her potential to the sport. Our travel team ended up going undefeated as well winning a few tournaments. My kid's confidence was at an all time high as she saw her self as a part of something special and felt she contributed to the teams success.

By Summer 2021, we ran into our 1st road block. The same league was creating an All-Star team to compete in 8u World Series and my DD wanted to be apart of it. She had a respectable try out among 25+ players but just missed the cut. I know that happens in life but what made it sting worse was her entire travel ball team made the team.....except her. She felt singled out and started to think she's a bad player. With no other teams willing to pick up my DD, my wife and I created our own team for the summer to practice and play scrimmages to stay fresh since my DD still wanted to play and not take the summer off. Unfortunately, due outside influence/politics, our team was hijacked and taken over by individuals that didn't have the best strategies on how to run the team. This resulted in a team full of 8/9 year old's with only rec level experience and throwing them into B level 10u travel ball tournaments. The practices were very disorganized and the skill of the team was rudimentary. I couldn't sit back and see the team and my DD flounder so I took it among myself and began helping coach the team as a assistant. Tried my best but we still got run-ruled in all 12 games we played. It was tough to watch defeat after defeat and seeing the confidence of my kid fade after each game. What started as good intentioned back up plan, ended up being a really rough experience for my DD that messed with her confidence and abilities, but luckily not her love for the sport.

By Fall 2021, we stayed in contact with the coaches from the 8u travel team and realized that they were moving up to 10u that season. The coaches were gracious enough to give my DD a spot on the developmental 10u travel team they were forming. The stipulation was she had to play a season of 10u rec in addition to the travel team in order to get the required reps and knowledge of the rule changes. Wanting to give my DD that opportunity, I took a rec team for the season in order to give my kid her reps. It was a tough challenge since I never managed a team before but I was looking forward to be a bonding experience with my kid. Well, it didn't quite turn out as I had hoped. Coaching my kid was a bigger challenge than I had anticipated as she didn't take my advice and guidance seriously and resulted in her making several avoidable errors. That may because I'm "Dad" and "Didn't Play Softball" but it was at times very frustrating. I did my best but the team went 3-9 for the season and made me question myself if I did my DD any favors. Once the rec season was done, we transitioned to the travel ball team. It was a breath of fresh air because we were among familiar faces. My DD was happy to be playing with her friends again and couldn't wait to be on the field with them. Not wanting to risk ruining the experience, I decide to step away from coaching because I felt it was best her....and me as well. I ended up becoming the videographer and analytics advisor for the team as a way to still contribute.

Similar with my rec team, the developmental travel team struggled as well but was expected since this was the their 1st time playing 10u together. What was concerning though was how my DD struggled to adjust offensively and defensively. She had developed a eye problems over the summer to where she couldn't see the ball until it crossed that plate. She always batted right but now bats left due to her eye and now wears prescription sports glasses to compensate. While doing the teams analytics, I got a good perspective of each players strengths and weaknesses. Fortunately, most of the team struggled uniformly from a performance perspective. However, as the season progressed, my DD really struggled to improve compared to her teammates and as a result depleted her confidence regularly. At the conclusion of the season, the Manager announced that he was planning to go pure travel for the upcoming spring season and that everyone who is currently on the team is welcome. Despite a rough summer and fall season, my kid still wanted to join and continue playing softball with her friends and coaches. I was happy that she still wanted to play but was nervous going into the next season.
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This leads us to Spring 2022. Since the fall, the current team my DD plays on has improved considerably and have adjusted quite well to 10u travel ball. We have played in 2 tournaments so far and have placed 3rd and 4th out of 14 team pools which is significantly better than before. Talent wise, I would rate us a as "B" level team. I am currently the videographer and "analytics advisor" so I get an in depth view of the players that most of the parents and staff don't have.

However, my concern is for my kid. Even though the team has gotten much better over the past year, my kid hasn't. She struggles batting, fielding, catching, and running. Once she makes a mistake (strikeout, passed ball, bad throw), she shuts down and loses all confidence in herself and can't bounce back. As a result, she thinks she the worst softball player on the team. My wife and I have had several conversations with her on how proud we are of her and the improvement she HAS made but it doesn't seem to stick. As parents we try to be our kids biggest cheerleader and give them confidence to move past mistakes but.....she just can't.

She takes private lessons for batting and catching each week and her performance is fine but she can't seem to translate them on the field in games and team practices. I have been crunching the numbers trying to find something she excels in but I haven't found it. She is statically last in every offensive category, has the lowest defensive ability of all fielders, and the lowest performance of all the catchers. Batting last every single game and sitting the bench more than anyone only reinforces this identity of hers as the "worst player". Additionally, her teammates are starting to pick up on her lack of improvement and begun to alienate her from conversations/activities and see her as a liability. To be fair, my DD has the least experience on the entire team as she only has been playing 1.5 years where as the rest of her teammates have ~4 years. The coaches have been very patient and understanding with her but at some point I feel it's going to stop. Our fear is one day the coaches are going give up and replace her with someone else one day due to the lack of improvement. I have not spoken to the coaching staff about my concerns as I don't want to inadvertently tarnish their opinion of her or place more seeds of doubt in their mind of this ceiling she currently at.

Just to be clear, my kid loves the sport of softball and the atmosphere that comes with it but as a 9 yr old, she is ridiculously stubborn. She clearly needs more reps and work outside of games, team practices, and private lessons but she just doesn't want to do it. She continuously tells us that she's a terrible player and wants to get better yet doesn't want to put in the extra work at home with me to achieve what she wants. We have attempted to take a break from softball, or even try another sport but she doesn't want to...to the point of tears. No parent wants to watch their kid struggle and fail in something they love but it appears as though she wants to so we can feel sorry for her. What she doesn't understand is how fortunate she is to be on a team with coaches and friends that care for her and want her to succeed, but she seems to be ignorant of that.

Sorry for the long post but I appreciate if you made it this far. We have been trying to find ways to build her confidence and get past this slump before its too late but we have been unsuccessful. Has anyone had a situation with their DD similar to what I described. Am I overacting or is my concern legitimate. I am running our of ideas so I would appreciate any feedback or assurance.


TLDR: Need help building confidence/mental game in my 9yr old for 10u TB when she thinks she's the worst on the team.

 

[Bonesaw]

From what I have discerned, your DD is not wrong in thinking she is the worst on the team. At this age it is meaningless. Kind of like this; I was walking at 9 months and Usain Bolt didn't learn to walk until he was 12 months, so I should be able to run faster than him.

At that age you want to it to be fun. Being the worst is never fun. (well, maybe if your on a World series winning team in the MLB or in the olympics or something that might be fun). Find a place she can have fun playing on a team. Keep working with her outside of team stuff. That is where, by far, the most progress is made. And then wait like 4 or 5 years and hopefully reap the rewards or say maybe it's not meant to be. I don't think 8U, 10U, or 12u softball really means very much besides building a foundation of loving to play and having a few decent mechanics.

And really you should make her play other sports. She doesn't know what she likes yet.

 

[_MIA_]

You need to figure out a way to get her to enjoy working at home with you. Can you perhaps invite a friend/teammate to join her when you work with her at home? Or try and play little games with her which make it seem less like “practice”? My sons (7 and 3) like to play wiffle games where I pitch to them and we keep score (we, eg my DW the fielder and I, get runs when they hit a ball which we deem to be an out) Also when we go hit at the field with the 7 YO I set up close enough to the fence where a good hit has a chance to go over the fence. Your DD might be too old/advanced to go for these but you hopefully get the idea.

 

[clemenslee1]

"She struggles batting, fielding, catching, and running."

I don't know what you are using as a bench mark for this. Compared to the other players, is she honestly that far behind? In other words, are they having struggles in those same areas. Also a lot players struggle when transitioning from coach pitch to kid pitch.

 

[murphdog]

Going way out in left field with this but have you tried dropping her at practice and leaving and seeing how she does?
Over the years DD played with kids who would get nervous when a certain family member was there and would play so much better if the pressure was off.
To this day (senior in college) one friends dad sits as far away from the field as he can each game his daughter pitches so that she can’t see him. No idea what it is because he’s never been especially hard on her about anything but if she can see him she gets in her head and her pitching shows it.

 

[Softball Knight]

Appreciate everyone's responses

@Bonesaw. I agree that 10u is developmental considering the teams experience. However, the coaching staff is grooming the team to play in A level tournaments by fall this year and in order to keep up we need to put in the work. I am really hoping for it to click for her before the gap gets to big. She still has fun until she starts messing up or making mistakes. She is struggling on moving on the the next play. We have attempted other activities such as volleyball, basketball, cheerleading, and lacrosse. She only wants to play softball still.

@pattar I actually do play wiffleball in the yard with her every week for "fun" and try to sneak in quality reps but its been tough. I've tried many things to get her to enjoy practicing at home but she doesn't like it. I really think because I'm dad and being the disciplinarian of the family makes her think that's my ONLY identity to her. I played baseball all through HS and college so I have enough knowledge to teach her the fundamentals but she doesn't want to hear it. I have reached out to other teammates parents to have them practice/play with my DD but it has been a real challenge since they have their own plans. Personally, sometimes I think they see how much work my kid needs and doesn't feel their player will benefit from practicing with mine.

@clemenslee1 She struggles in those areas compared to her teammates. Her Softball IQ is decent but there are certain fundamentals and situational drills where her mechanics are all over the place and cannot make the correction after multiple attempts (3+). Her teammates make the adjustment after 1 or 2 tries

@murphdog Yes. my wife takes her to practice now and during games I set up a camera and watch the game through my phone in my car or away from the field whenever she is on the field or up to bat.

 

[Bonesaw]

Appreciate everyone's responses

@Bonesaw. I agree that 10u is developmental considering the teams experience. However, the coaching staff is grooming the team to play in A level tournaments by fall this year and in order to keep up we need to put in the work. I am really hoping for it to click for her before the gap gets to big. She still has fun until she starts messing up or making mistakes. She is struggling on moving on the the next play. We have attempted other activities such as volleyball, basketball, cheerleading, and lacrosse. She only wants to play softball still.

@pattar I actually do play wiffleball in the yard with her every week for "fun" and try to sneak in quality reps but its been tough. I've tried many things to get her to enjoy practicing at home but she doesn't like it. I really think because I'm dad and being the disciplinarian of the family makes her think that's my ONLY identity to her. I played baseball all through HS and college so I have enough knowledge to teach her the fundamentals but she doesn't want to hear it. I have reached out to other teammates parents to have them practice/play with my DD but it has been a real challenge since they have their own plans. Personally, sometimes I think they see how much work my kid needs and doesn't feel their player will benefit from practicing with mine.

@clemenslee1 She struggles in those areas compared to her teammates. Her Softball IQ is decent but there are certain fundamentals and situational drills where her mechanics are all over the place and cannot make the correction after multiple attempts (3+). Her teammates make the adjustment after 1 or 2 tries

@murphdog Yes. my wife takes her to practice now and during games I set up a camera and watch the game through my phone in my car or away from

Just to be clear, she is a 1st year 10u player on a team with aspirations to play "A level". Are most of the other girls 2nd year players? When is her birthday and how big(height and weight) is she?

 

[Softball Knight]

@Bonesaw. Yes, this is her 1st year (2nd season) playing on a 10u travel team with aspirations to play "A level". The entire team is the same age/birthyear (2012's) and has the same amount of "10u" experience. Not sure of her weight but she's 4'-5" (3rd smallest on the team) However, she has the least overall experience (1.5 years) compared to most of her teammates (3~4 years)

 

[Rule#6]

#1 try letting her "fly on her own"--dont stay at practice or games for awhile, just drop her off. Hovering parents just doesnt work for some kids.

#2 two of my four kids attended Karate and insisted they loved it but did not practice or show any initiative except to insist "we love it! we want to keep going!" If theres no real initiative outside of the actual classes (or games in your case), then they dont really Love it, and that is okay. but anytime I brought up the subject of stopping, they insisted they loved it.

**So, I quietly put their equipment bags in a closet and quietly just stopped taking them to karate.** WEEKS went by and they didnt even notice!!! Finally about a 8-10 weeks later my son found a karate tshirt at the bottom of his dresser drawer and asked "Hey wait a minute what ever happended to karate......???"

Both of them were perfectly happy not going anymore, they did not truly "love it"--and they didnt even realize we stopped attending.

Your DD may be a similar case, insists she loves it (and you and wife may love it too ) but your DDs life will turn out fine if she stops playing softball. Especially if she is not a great player and feeling bad about it all the time. She may insist she loves it but it sounds quite miserable for her. Why keep putting her in that situation.

 

[bjenkins24]

If she were my daughter, I would be honest with her. She’s not as good as the other players, but it’s just because she doesn’t spend enough time at home practicing and she could absolutely learn and get better and have fun if she put in the time.

I’d then tell her I would be happy to practice with her x amount of days a week and I was confident she would get to where she wants to be by next season if we did that. Then I would tell her if she wants to stay on the team, her team depends on her putting in the time and getting better and if she doesn’t she won’t be able to stay on the team.

Throughout all of this I would be very clear that if she doesn’t want to do all the work that’s totally fine. You love her still and just want her to be happy and not playing on this team won’t destroy her life. She’ll be fine and can find something else to spend her time doing.

Then she makes the decision. Does she practice at home after that? You WILL have to initiate it. If you leave her to “tell me if you want to practice” you’re setting her up for failure. But she should have veto power. If she doesn’t want to she doesn’t have to, but make it clear the team won’t wait for her. If she’s ok with that, that’s fine. Don’t make her feel bad about it, but make sure you’re clear.

If she still won’t practice, rec is okay! I would say two thirds of rec girls don’t practice at home. They just play for fun. Maybe go back to that, or suggest it at least.

IMO this is a great learning opportunity for her to realize there are consequences for her not putting in the work. You’re there for her to support her if she does, but if she doesn’t, you’re there for her as well.