First Year 12U - First time coaching girls - Need reassurance/Help

[Eric F]

Personally, I don't agree with physical "punishments" at this age. If a player makes a mistake in a drill, I have her repeat it with specific instructions from me on what she SHOULD be doing, rather than criticizing her mistakes. If it's an attitude or lack of focus issue that isn't corrected after a verbal request, I'll pull her out of the drill and have her sit in the dugout for a little while. So far, I have not met a girl who was happy sitting while her teammates were still working the drills. If it's a mistake in a game, they usually know what they did wrong. Beating them up over it tends to push them further down, and they often end up unable to concentrate on the next thing they have to do. My default is to encourage the right action for next time. If they made a mistake because they didn't know what to do, that's my fault. I'm responsible for teaching them the game.

 

[RetiredCoach]

I agree with no punishments at the 12U level (if any level). We're all trying our best out there
(players and coaches) and, I think, we all work better with support and encouragement. I've had
very successful teams without being an advocate of punishment.

 

[MMAKOL]

Personally, I don't agree with physical "punishments" at this age. If a player makes a mistake in a drill, I have her repeat it with specific instructions from me on what she SHOULD be doing, rather than criticizing her mistakes. If it's an attitude or lack of focus issue that isn't corrected after a verbal request, I'll pull her out of the drill and have her sit in the dugout for a little while. So far, I have not met a girl who was happy sitting while her teammates were still working the drills. If it's a mistake in a game, they usually know what they did wrong. Beating them up over it tends to push them further down, and they often end up unable to concentrate on the next thing they have to do. My default is to encourage the right action for next time. If they made a mistake because they didn't know what to do, that's my fault. I'm responsible for teaching them the game.

"If it's an attitude or lack of focus issue that isn't corrected after a verbal request, I'll pull her out of the drill and have her sit in the dugout for a little while."
This is exactly what happened last evening to the girl who cried. She was speaking over me when I was trying to help her repeatedly, and after the 5th time I ended her time with the pitching drill. She them proceeded to go cry in the dugout.

 

[MMAKOL]

Personally, I don't agree with physical "punishments" at this age. If a player makes a mistake in a drill, I have her repeat it with specific instructions from me on what she SHOULD be doing, rather than criticizing her mistakes. If it's an attitude or lack of focus issue that isn't corrected after a verbal request, I'll pull her out of the drill and have her sit in the dugout for a little while. So far, I have not met a girl who was happy sitting while her teammates were still working the drills. If it's a mistake in a game, they usually know what they did wrong. Beating them up over it tends to push them further down, and they often end up unable to concentrate on the next thing they have to do. My default is to encourage the right action for next time. If they made a mistake because they didn't know what to do, that's my fault. I'm responsible for teaching them the game.

"If it's a mistake in a game, they usually know what they did wrong. Beating them up over it tends to push them further down, and they often end up unable to concentrate on the next thing they have to do."

I will discuss with them between innings on what happened in a very constructive way. I agree, it happened, we cant change it, but we can make sure we don't repeat the same mistake. I make sure to point out that everyone makes mistakes and makes errors, even in the pros. Its how we pick ourselves up afterwards and move forward that makes good players better. I don't yell at them during games, just positive upbeat discussions so that they become distracted by negative issues.

 

[Eric F]

"If it's an attitude or lack of focus issue that isn't corrected after a verbal request, I'll pull her out of the drill and have her sit in the dugout for a little while."
This is exactly what happened last evening to the girl who cried. She was speaking over me when I was trying to help her repeatedly, and after the 5th time I ended her time with the pitching drill. She them proceeded to go cry in the dugout.

I probably would have done the same thing, based on your description. In those situations, I make sure the player knows exactly WHY they're being pulled out. If the behavior or response is unusual for the player, it might be worth a private conversation with the player and/or her parents to see if there are other things going on that might be triggering things.

 

[Indiana]

One little thing I've noticed- if a coach pulls the team together and gives some team-wide criticism: my daughter will think that it's all because of her and her only. My son will sit there thinking to himself "man, it's too bad you guys all stink" and let it roll off his back. This seems to be a boy girl thing, from listening to conversations with my DD's friends vs my DS's friends- and it's kind of funny

 

[James Smith]

More so with young ladies too is you have to make sure who you pair together if you want them to accomplish anything. You need to break some of them up.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

If everyone is goofing off and someone is about to get hurt, we run to the fence and back. But, it has to include the coach and it can't really be out of anger. I am not for running a girl for individual discipline. Our HS though had a rule, that if you showed up late you ran a lap. I was OK with that, too. So, I guess it depends on the situation. But, I have known coaches that will run the girls for an hour. That is wrong.

As far as the girls being different than the boys, I do coach them the same. But, I can push them a littler harder, I think, because I am female and I have many softball innings under my belt. For instance, I can hit them grounders harder than a male and no one is going to complain. But, have a male hit them that hard and parents are going to get up in arms.

Has anyone quit yet? If not, there is still time to fix things. Keep asking questions.

 

[T Red]

Coaches CornerImportant Keys to Coaching the Female Athlete « Softball Excellence

This article is the best I have ever read on female athletes. Being a man I did not think about many of the issues Cindy refers to. After years of watching female athletes I can see much of what she refers to happening.

I see this all the time. So don't be too hard on them.

We’re Self-Critical – We tend to be harder on ourselves than anyone else could ever be.

There is an assistant coach that gets way too loud on my dd's team. I have noticed the girls shut down and you can see it in their play. As a group they do not really care for him now. Too his credit he has gotten better.

 

[Little Angels Softball]

First off, definitely consider losing the running as punishment thing. I do it so seldom that I can tell you about each time I've done it in the last five years. It is easy because it was just once and the girls were so surprised and shocked by it that they were actually apologizing to me after it was over. It simply doesn't work with girls and they will be bothered by it.

You can coach boys and girls the same. However, never forget that they are not the same.

I've coached girls for over 12 years and the best advice I can give is that you must really watch what you say to girls. Boys hear exactly what you say and nothing more. Girls hear completely different things, often something that really isn''t even close to what you've said. For example, have you ever said to your wife after running into a friend you haven't seen awhile, something to the effect of, "Gee, honey. It looks like Jill has lost some weight" only to have your wife hear, "Gee, honey. You're fat!" ???? I know you have!

That is what you deal with when girls are around. You have to anticipate what the girls might hear whenever you attempt to correct them or impart discipline. You also have to be careful about overly praising a girl in front of the whole team (praise several, it will work better) because if you do, one or more girls won't hear the praise, they'll hear, "He said I suck."

You also can call girls out for mistakes, but it helps tremendously if you explain that you are not picking on them but you saw this as an opportunity to teach something to the whole team about what not to do and what you'd like them to do next time it comes up. You then can thank her for bringing up this splendid teaching moment and tell her she's awesome and that you know she'll get it right because now she knows what to do and all will be fine.

Oh ... and about the criticism. Remember, they are girls (who will be women), and that by nature they are more self-conscious than boys (or men) and that again, by nature, they will spend more time than males do analyzing and trying to fix things that aren't quite right. Because of this, they will respond much better to coaches (men, especially) who spend more time appreciating the things they do right rather than those who feed their already overworked self-consciousness.