First Year 12U - First time coaching girls - Need reassurance/Help

[MMAKOL]

This is a HUGE transition for me.

I have taught, managed and coached boys baseball for my son since age 6. He is 14 now.

I now am the assistant coach for my 10 yr olds 12U travel team and I have made girls(even my DD) cry at almost every practice I run. I run a Wednesday night Drills & Skills practice and it seems no matter what I do one of them will get upset and start to cry. Whether it is making them run, or just trying to give them constructive criticism on corrections that are needed.

I know girls are very different than boys( I have 3 daughters ranging in age from 16 to 2.5) so I am well aware of their behaviors.

Is it juts a maturity thing? on my part as well?

 

[JJsqueeze]

Chances are that if you are making them cry then you need to make some adjustments. What is your coaching style?

 

[FP26]

Other than limited experience with some co-ed teams in other sports, my experience is with girls. I started at 8u and I am currently at 14u. You will hear information on both sides of this fence, but at least from my experience, there is a definite difference. I also realize there are exceptions to every rule. I very rarely yell, but I do try to push the players to become better. I try to talk to each player as much as possible to determine any specific goals they may have, and try to learn their personality at the same time. Some of our players are very motivated to improve. Some are more casual about it. When I work individually (batting) with them, I treat them differently based on this information. The ones that are motivated to improve will get pushed harder. In a team or group setting I try to be more in the middle. I will focus more on "team" goals and improvements rather than individual improvements. I do not single anyone out (positively or negatively) in front of the group. At least with the girls I have coached, most do not like to be "called out" in front of their peers. Whereas the boys on my co-ed basketball team seem to thrive by being challenged in that way. Again, this may be an individual thing based on the players I coach. Honestly, I enjoy coaching either, but coaching co-ed is extremely challenging. Especially at the 13-14 age range. Too many distractions

 

[Sweet Lou]

It has been repeated a lot but I'll say it again

Boys need to play well to feel good; Girls need to feel good to play well.

Try having someone video tape you at one of your practices and then watch it. See where you causing friction with the girls and tone it back.

 

[Rocketech1]

This saying gets thrown around a lot that "Boys have to play well to feel good about themselves, but girls have to feel good about themselves to play well". While there may by a little bit of truth in that saying at the younger levels, I think this is too simplistic. In my experience coaching both boys and girls is that some kids are criers no matter the gender. For example, this past weekend we had 3 boys on my DS baseball team crying either for striking out, making an error, or getting reprimanded by the coach for not paying attention. Additionally, I have coached a few girls who would cry at the drop of a hat, one girl in particular starting crying during an at bat, with the count 3-0 and a called first strike and she starts crying on 3-1 !! She was very emotional player.

I like what Coach Candrea teaches which is sandwich the constructive criticism with two positives. For example, the SS moves quickly to the left to field a hard hit ground ball but rushes the throw to 1st and overthrows the first baseman. You can say "nice job moving to the ball, next time have your feet planted under you before you throw, don't worry about it we will get the next one".

As a coach, I think you need to motivate the players, keep it positive and reward the good plays as much as focusing on the negative or what was done wrong. Practice should be challenging but fun and rewarding for both the players and coaches. In general, there should not be crying unless its an injury. I would talk with your head coach so the two of you can be on the same page about your approach to coaching. Good luck.

 

[MMAKOL]

Are you a male coach?

Again this is condescending, "well aware of their behaviors" and some old Candrea statement that gets repeated. Take a coaching course, the kids are young. I have seen girls cry, but I have also see boys cry plenty of times, and girls tough as nails, and winning is all that will make them happy. Many kids sports and gym classes are co-ed. What works for girls works for boys, that is what we should be saying. There are stereotypes about boys and girls that coaches toss around in HS too and they all stink, and I have to stop my own self on many occasions (not perfect yet).

We take our assumptions with us, and many of us assume that we relate to our own gender better and that the other gender is from Mars, or that kids or teens are "like that." [insert some bad thing]. Let's not take that into coaching. Go online to ASA or other places, they have courses. There are books.

I am a Male coach, and as a father of 3 girls and 1 boy, I can say without any reservation that girls are different than boys.

I believe that Women are different than Men, both physically and mentally, not to say one is better than the other, and that there aren't exceptions to the rule, but in general, girls are different than boys. I asked for assistance because I believe I make some adjustments in my behavior that may curtail the crying.

My DD is a Junior Black Belt in American Kenpo, and since switched to CTS and Cocey Doces Parres training. She is TOUGH, but also a perfect little girl that enjoys fashion and make up.

 

[RetiredCoach]

Hi MMAKOL,

I think that you've come to the right place for advice. I've coached girls fastpitch softball for many years
and I am no longer making girls cry--and this is a good thing. I have adjusted my style over the years to
accomodate coaching girls and, I must say, anyone who does not believe that girls and boys are different
is not living in the real world!

As advice, I would first say that you need to greatly tone yourself down and engage the girls in a non-
confrontational style. Watch your tone of voice and mannerisms carefully. The girls pick right up on that.
And forget trying to motivate girls the same way that you motivate boys. It does not work and, as you've
noticed, it hurts their feelings.

It is true, girls need to feel good to be motivated to practice and play hard. And paraphrasing Candrea,
"Don't criticize their mistakes. Very positively explain what you want them to do. And make no mistake
about it, if you are making girls cry it is YOU that needs to change, not the girls.

 

[CoogansBluff]

... it seems no matter what I do one of them will get upset and start to cry. Whether it is making them run, or just trying to give them constructive criticism on corrections that are needed.

Why are you making them run?

My daughter is 14 now, but I was head coach of her two years in 12U travel, and I can't remember many if any incidents of them crying because of something that I did. A few might've cried briefly because they struck out or got called out on the bases, but I can't remember them crying over any interactions with coaches. I'd be curious as to what is triggering this.

 

[Coachmom]

I have been coaching 12U softball for the last 5 years and if you have a player crying at every practice and/or game it is a coaching problem. I can count on 1 hand the times that I have made a player cry. And it was usually something that I said that hurt that players feelings in some way. For example...one time last season I had a top hitter on my team up to bat and I noticed that she was using a different bat than the one she normally uses. After she grounded out I thoughtlessly asked her why she was using that bat, it wasn't malicious but she had been bombing the ball previously so I just blurted that out.
It was the wrong time and the wrong place to make that statement. It was a tight game and we had runners in scoring position. She already felt bad about grounding out.
So her whole demeanor changed and after we lost that game I could tell she was upset. When I asked her about it she broke down crying and told me what I said made her feel like she lost the game for us. I apologized for making that stupid-obvious statement that didn't need to be made. It seems like a small thing to get upset about but it was a big thing to her.
You don't give enough detailed information as to why these players end up in tears so it is difficult to help you. Can you give some specific examples of the situation that causes these breakdowns?

 

[Rocketech1]

I am a Male coach, and as a father of 3 girls and 1 boy, I can say without any reservation that girls are different than boys.

I believe that Women are different than Men, both physically and mentally, not to say one is better than the other, and that there aren't exceptions to the rule, but in general, girls are different than boys. I asked for assistance because I believe I make some adjustments in my behavior that may curtail the crying.

My DD is a Junior Black Belt in American Kenpo, and since switched to CTS and Cocey Doces Parres training. She is TOUGH, but also a perfect little girl that enjoys fashion and make up.

The bottom-line for me is I coach the girls the same way I coach the boys. I think the personality of the individual kid is more important than any perceived gender differences. If you have a kid that is overly sensitive, you need to approach them a little differently than one who is tougher but making major changes to coaching style based on gender is a mistake IMO.