First Year 12U - First time coaching girls - Need reassurance/Help

[MMAKOL]

Excellent reply. I wasn't trying to imply that I never had boys cry, I have. Been coaching awhile and I have had those sensitive kids as well. I try to adapt to each kids personality and have very good success over the years.

The girls seem to be more sensitive to the smaller things, as opposed to the big things. One in particular will smile and laugh when she makes a mistake, boots a play, gets thrown out.....etc. All I say is "I'm not sure what you find funny about...."insert item here"
I am reassuring them of their positives and pointing out their deficiencies as a player. I do it individually, and in a group setting so that they know how much I am impressed with their improvements over the last few practices. Lots of reassuring information and compliments.

The Manager and previous coaching was, and is very lax when it comes to discipline and accountability.
I was brought in as the "tough" but loving coach that will enforce rules and run drills drills drills.......come gameday I am on the bucket cheering from the dugout.

 

[MMAKOL]

Why are you making them run?

My daughter is 14 now, but I was head coach of her two years in 12U travel, and I can't remember many if any incidents of them crying because of something that I did. A few might've cried briefly because they struck out or got called out on the bases, but I can't remember them crying over any interactions with coaches. I'd be curious as to what is triggering this.

Me too. I do not want them to cry. I only want what is best for them.

Why make them run..? Old habit for discipline, and also helps build stamina. Is it right..? I don't know. It worked for the boys, but maybe counterproductive for the girls....I don't know.

My DD ran last night because she answered me back about 6 times while in the Batters Box during live BP pitching. For her running isn't an issue. She runs about 5 miles a week for school and karate.
One of her teammates however cried the first time I had the team run a lap. She simply couldn't do it. I was shocked.

 

[Coachmom]

Be careful in using physical activity as punishment. Especially with younger players, learning to associate running or exercise with punishment can cause them to resent that activity when you need them to do this work. Nonetheless, there are times when a quick set of jumping jacks or push-ups may help to refocus the player. As long as these are not onerous (no more than 5-10), the players usually accept the penalty with good humour and no lasting effects.

 

[MMAKOL]

I have been coaching 12U softball for the last 5 years and if you have a player crying at every practice and/or game it is a coaching problem. I can count on 1 hand the times that I have made a player cry. And it was usually something that I said that hurt that players feelings in some way. For example...one time last season I had a top hitter on my team up to bat and I noticed that she was using a different bat than the one she normally uses. After she grounded out I thoughtlessly asked her why she was using that bat, it wasn't malicious but she had been bombing the ball previously so I just blurted that out.
It was the wrong time and the wrong place to make that statement. It was a tight game and we had runners in scoring position. She already felt bad about grounding out.
So her whole demeanor changed and after we lost that game I could tell she was upset. When I asked her about it she broke down crying and told me what I said made her feel like she lost the game for us. I apologized for making that stupid-obvious statement that didn't need to be made. It seems like a small thing to get upset about but it was a big thing to her.
You don't give enough detailed information as to why these players end up in tears so it is difficult to help you. Can you give some specific examples of the situation that causes these breakdowns?

It's not every practice. It only happened once at a game and it wasn't directly related to me at all.

The practices are when it happens, and now that I think about it, it is usually when I am pitching them live BP pitching and they are not applying the techniques we just spent over an hour going over with tee work and soft toss.

I am hardest on my DD, games and practices and I know I need to curb that as I do not want to drive her away from the game.

I have very good talks with them before and afterwards and try to emphasize to them how much I care about their personal improvement. I apologize for making them upset and tell them I hate to see them cry. I make sure they look me in the eye so they see that I am being genuine and sincere in my apology.

 

[MMAKOL]

Be careful in using physical activity as punishment. Especially with younger players, learning to associate running or exercise with punishment can cause them to resent that activity when you need them to do this work. Nonetheless, there are times when a quick set of jumping jacks or push-ups may help to refocus the player. As long as these are not onerous (no more than 5-10), the players usually accept the penalty with good humour and no lasting effects.

Sounds like a good change and one that can easily be made. Plus, its faster than making them run to the 300' sign.

 

[CoogansBluff]

Why make them run..? Old habit for discipline, and also helps build stamina. Is it right..? I don't know. It worked for the boys, but maybe counterproductive for the girls....I don't know.

That's been debated in this forum a few times. Most here (including me) frown on it, although some don't and might chime in here as weel. One theory is that you don't want to associate something bad (punishment) with something good (running for stamina). The other theory is that punishment in general is not the best way to coach and motivate. Players who need to be punished for motivation aren't the kind of kids you want on a travel team. You want self-motivated players who want help when they mess up, not discipline. Motivation comes from their desire to get better, to play certain positions, to bat high. Instead of punishment, they receive the natural consequences of less playing time or less preferred position in the order or field.

I think the personality of the individual kid is more important than any perceived gender differences. If you have a kid that is overly sensitive, you need to approach them a little differently than one who is tougher but making major changes to coaching style based on gender is a mistake IMO.

I've been trying to find a way to put this into words. You did it well. It's better to get to know each kid individually. Whether one gender is more or less emotional or analytical than the other is irrelevant. Treat kids (and everyone) on a case by case basis, IMO.

 

[canyonjoe]

I applaud you for reaching out for help. If you are making kids cry every practice you need to figure out something. I would look at why you have them running as a clue. If it's because they aren't paying attention or goofing off that's fine. If you are doing it because they are making physical errors you will wind up with a track team that still can't throw and catch. I've found that girls like to please the coaches and when they don't they get a little upset and when they get yelled at on top of that is when they tend to lose it.

 

[Coachmom]

I am hardest on my DD, games and practices and I know I need to curb that as I do not want to drive her away from the game.

please do try to treat your daughter the same as every other player. If you cannot then allow another coach to deal with her for discipline and for instruction purposes.

6 Tips for Coaching Your Own Child | ACTIVE

 

[MMAKOL]

please do try to treat your daughter the same as every other player. If you cannot then allow another coach to deal with her for discipline and for instruction purposes.

6 Tips for Coaching Your Own Child | ACTIVE

Nice article, thank you.

 

[MMAKOL]

I applaud you for reaching out for help. If you are making kids cry every practice you need to figure out something. I would look at why you have them running as a clue. If it's because they aren't paying attention or goofing off that's fine. If you are doing it because they are making physical errors you will wind up with a track team that still can't throw and catch. I've found that girls like to please the coaches and when they don't they get a little upset and when they get yelled at on top of that is when they tend to lose it.

"You will wind up with a track team that still can't throw and catch" This is one of the best lines I have ever heard....LOL

I will come up with new ways for seeking improvement, in lieu of running for punishment. I think push ups and jumping jacks will work just as fine. Running will be used in drills for stamina and speed.