Tryout Etiquette-shouldn't what happens in tryout stays in tryout?

[black17]

You need to do whats best for your DD. If an honest assessment shows she isn't progressing, you shouldn't feel too bad because someones feeling got hurt. Moving teams is an option, especially if you aren't the type to invest heavily in private lessons.

If she is C and you feel she is ready for A, you definitely need to go. You need to move forward though. Moving to a lateral team kind of tosses the notion of 'moving because of development' into the trash.

 

[whiporee]

Part of the overall learning experience. Sorry coach is being upset, but i think everyone should try out for a few teams every year. Lets girls see how they stack up, and feel good about where they are. Plus, options are nice.

 

[radness]

Why is it a shocker?

A. Did you Speak to the coach previously to address how to develop dd *months ago*.
B. Have a follow up to the development conversation from months ago.
C. If its really a team/coach thing,...Then it becomes up to the family what to do if nothing gets better.
D. Coach would atleast have been in the loop.
E. If All that happened...
Its just emotions.
F. If it didnt...the coach is shocked...because its bad communication which also lead to your concern of coach finding out about tryouts...
of course then rubbing the wrong way.

No wonder.

 

[CMMom1740]

When I still coached, my assumption was that certain players would attend other tryouts. It never bothered me. In fact, at 14u one player told me that she planned to try out for one of the better "A" teams in the state. I worked with her on the side to try to get her ready for that tryout and congratulated her when she was offered a spot. What did bother me is the parent that would walk up to me and tell me how much they loved the program and would never consider going to another tryout, only to learn that they were at a tryout the next day. All I ever asked for was honesty. If you have not committed to this team for the following season yet, attend all the tryouts you want.

On the other hand, there are coaches who are less than honest. We had a team fall apart at Christmas time one year and the HC spent the spring trying to get pitchers interested so he could start a new team the following fall. When the time came around, he called me and kept me on the phone for an hour rhapsodizing about how "[DD's name] will ALWAYS have a place on his team." Guess what? When the team roster came out, her name wasn't on it. Good thing I had already learned never to put all our eggs in one basket and had her tryout for other teams anyway.

 

[radness]

On the other hand, there are coaches who are less than honest. We had a team fall apart at Christmas time one year and the HC spent the spring trying to get pitchers interested so he could start a new team the following fall. When the time came around, he called me and kept me on the phone for an hour rhapsodizing about how "[DD's name] will ALWAYS have a place on his team." Guess what? When the team roster came out, her name wasn't on it. Good thing I had already learned never to put all our eggs in one basket and had her tryout for other teams anyway.

Not to be nit picky here...
However you did the same thing as the coach.
Not put all eggs in one basket.

Just sayin' two way street.
And actually the odds are very difficult.

14 or so families guessing if they can trust the ability of a coach...
While the coach has to rely on guessing if they can trust 14 or so families.

 

[CMMom1740]

Not to be nit picky here...
However you did the same thing as the coach.
Not put all eggs in one basket.

Just sayin' two way street.
And actually the odds are very difficult.

14 or so families guessing if they can trust the ability of a coach...
Who the coach has to rely on guessing if they can trust 14 or so families.

Well, to me, there's a difference between saying "I'd love to have former players back on the team and want to invite you to try out" and "She always has a place on my team" and speaking to me for an hour about all his plans for the team, the schedule, etc... I think a reasonable person might take that to mean that she will get an offer. If you were on the receiving end of such a phone call, what would you take away from it?

 

[FP26]

On the other hand, there are coaches who are less than honest. We had a team fall apart at Christmas time one year and the HC spent the spring trying to get pitchers interested so he could start a new team the following fall. When the time came around, he called me and kept me on the phone for an hour rhapsodizing about how "[DD's name] will ALWAYS have a place on his team." Guess what? When the team roster came out, her name wasn't on it. Good thing I had already learned never to put all our eggs in one basket and had her tryout for other teams anyway.

Yep. There are dishonest coaches out there as well. Each person needs to do what's best for them. I would struggle to look in a mirror if I was the one that was being dishonest. I would rather remain honest while always having a contingency plan because I know other people won't always be honest. I need to be able to sleep at night...

My point is that while I agree that not all coaches are honest, not all parents are honest either. Two wrongs don't make a right. Wouldn't it be better for everyone if both parties were honest with each other? or is that just a pipe dream in 2021?

 

[Strike2]

On the other hand, there are coaches who are less than honest. We had a team fall apart at Christmas time one year and the HC spent the spring trying to get pitchers interested so he could start a new team the following fall. When the time came around, he called me and kept me on the phone for an hour rhapsodizing about how "[DD's name] will ALWAYS have a place on his team." Guess what? When the team roster came out, her name wasn't on it. Good thing I had already learned never to put all our eggs in one basket and had her tryout for other teams anyway.

Parents can be a-holes, but I don't know how some of these "coaches" can like what they see in the mirror. There are some that I wouldn't have DD play for if they paid her. Not only do they churn their rosters, but their teams suck year after year. Somehow, they get parents to sign up for their BS.

 

[bmakj]

Twice now coaches have not only encouraged DD to try out and move on (one because HC felt PT would decrease next season, and it would be better for her development, other because HC knew that DD was at a different level than most of the rest of the team), but they actively asked her how tryouts went (since around here tryouts start before season is over, hate that), what offers she had, and helped DD and us make a decision. One time it was a not so good decision (not fault of advice, new HC/team in respected org that disintegrated after one year because HC was a jerk), and one time it was a great decision (had it narrowed down to two, and DD made the choice, thankfully she chose cheaper option, that ended up being a better team).

always get options.

 

[radness]

Well, to me, there's a difference between saying "I'd love to have former players back on the team and want to invite you to try out" and "She always has a place on my team" and speaking to me for an hour about all his plans for the team, the schedule, etc... I think a reasonable person might take that to mean that she will get an offer. If you were on the receiving end of such a phone call, what would you take away from it?

'A reasonable person would take that to mean she will get an offer.'
Get an offer = at a later time.
Is not a spot on the team.
That really says no spot at this time. While dangling a string of yarn life-line.

The coach and you were both on the phone for an hour.
He was rambling about future hypothetical plans.
Up in the air.
While
You already new to not put all eggs in one basket.
*Do you think others might know that also?

Always have a spot on the team?
Big Question mark on that!!!
Unless they would be happy to collect your $$$$ and dd ride the pine.

Even still you already new
Not to put all eggs in one basket.

The coach is in the same situation as you are!!!! But has to secure more families than just you.
Often think people parents/coaches are playing a communication game.
I say this ____________
To hear your response________

You say that______
To hear a response______

To continue playing the silly game of he said, they said.
Maybe its not what they said, but what they didnt say?
Either person!

All while knowing neither talking is actually being totally upfront.
And knowing
The future is uncertain.