Tryout Etiquette-shouldn't what happens in tryout stays in tryout?

[Beeg]

DD needs to be back on a Div A or upper Div B team. She's been on her current Div C team for 2 seasons, and she hasn't learned much. HC is nice but I think has reached limit in coaching a high-level travel team. Plus, we just want to get away from parent coaching.

Due to COVID last year, DD didn't try out for another team. She hasn't progressed as a player these 2 years. She actually played worse than when she was in 10U and 12U.

We took her to an open tryout recently. We could have done private. However, DD didn't like the pressure of being the only player trying out, plus, I'd like her to have the experience with tryouts.

After the tryout, another girl there knew DD and told her father, and he immediately told DD's current coach that DD was at a tryout. Now HC is upset that DD even try out for other teams. We knew we'd tell HC if DD is guaranteed a spot, otherwise, to keep the peace, we wouldn't say anything.

Is that not appropriate? Where we used to live, everyone knew not to say anything when we saw a player at a tryout. It's none of our business whom we saw at an open tryout, certainly none of our business to tell that player's HC. Even DD, at 13, knows that rule. I thought adults will definitely understand that it's not their place to tattles, but I guess I am wrong. Now we may have no choice but to leave. I am so furious that I fear what I'd do next time I see this guy on the field.

 

[monte38]

Happens all the time, I would have expected it. You're in public, there are no secrets. Tryout time around here is gossip central.

 

[bmakj]

it shouldn't happen, but it will, so expect it. human nature

 

[Yanko70]

Travel softball is a small small world, there are no secrets. Now should you tattle like that nope but I would expect word to get back to my DDs current coach if she tries out for other local teams (coaches talk too). Either you go private or run the risk of others finding out. (I always have found it best to be honest with the current coach if you are going to other try outs)

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[Pigskinguru34]

This is no joke. I once was trying to start an organization as we had some good local talent, I had a Karen there at the first open tryout calling a coach and telling them all the girls on his team that were there at our tryout.

To me, kids should be able to go and tryout anywhere without repercussions.

 

[AnotherSoftballDad]

I have always told our current coach DD intends to tryout for other teams for the next season because I know 100% that it will get back to the coach and it's easier to have that conversation up front.

I think it's a good idea to let the coach know why you are thinking about moving. That way everyone can make plans based off their goals as a team or individual.

Side note - This has never worked out. The coach has always been offended

 

[_MIA_]

Sounds like your DD was going to leave either way so what difference does it make? If you were worried about it you should have done the private tryout...

 

[Long Baller]

You publicly shopped your kid to other teams, then are mad that others found out about it? Softball is a small world. It's extremely naive to think that word doesn't get around about what kids are trying out for what teams. Coaches talk too about who came through their tryouts.

Just because your DD went to open tryouts doesn't mean that she automatically has to quit the team she is on. Maybe you don't find a better fit anywhere else? If the current coach asks why you went to other tryouts, tell him that DD wanted to see how she stacks up individually against the other talent.

 

[FP26]

When I still coached, my assumption was that certain players would attend other tryouts. It never bothered me. In fact, at 14u one player told me that she planned to try out for one of the better "A" teams in the state. I worked with her on the side to try to get her ready for that tryout and congratulated her when she was offered a spot. What did bother me is the parent that would walk up to me and tell me how much they loved the program and would never consider going to another tryout, only to learn that they were at a tryout the next day. All I ever asked for was honesty. If you have not committed to this team for the following season yet, attend all the tryouts you want.

 

[ang2bmd]

@OP if your child hasn't gotten any better and is playing worse than in 10u don't blame the team...look at yourself and what you and your player have done to get better. Players rarely get better from team practice and tournaments. They get better because of the time they put into the game outside of those practices and tournaments. How do you think national teams that never practice get so good when all they do is individual work

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