Puss pockets

[Huskerdu]

I have three issues I need some advice on.

I am the coach of a 14u TB team that has been playing for about 5 years, half my girls came from a disbanded team in our assn and the other half I've had since rec ball, and one player I picked up.

1. That one player has been on 3 teams now in her second year of TB and her parents have created a puss pocket of "my daughter sat out one game" with another parent who has joined in and is telling everyone her daughter is pissed (for sitting out one game), the player wishes her parents would shut up. I love those kids but I am ready to cut both families tbh.

2. I have a player who is ALWAYS late, going to the wrong fields, and when I ask who's missing my girls tell me, (she) is always late. This past weekend my phone rang on the speaker (I had it in our team music dock boom box) and the girls started laughing, that's probably (player) calling saying they are at the wrong field. Sure enough, she showed up 10 minutes before game time and she told her dad that she was benched because she was late. I get a text (breaking my 24hr rule) from the dad pissed I would bench her because she can't drive herself to the game and that he didn't get the email, blah blah blah. What do I tell him when he calls me tomorrow?

3. I have worked and worked and given my time and blood and sweat and tears for these kids, I improved my coaching staff, I started coaching HS ball to improve my skills as a coach, I have spent an insane amount of money for these kids yet, why do some parents still want to suck my blood? I don't get it...and I've been coaching and playing for a long long time.

 

[JAD]

We always try to manage our player and parents expectations at the beginning of the season during our first team meeting.

 

[Sparky Guy]

It sounds like you need to send the problem player on to her 4th team in two years. Every age group has a number of girls who bounce and bounce from team to team throughout their playing career. They have a rainbow of jersey colors in their closet. Sounds like you have one.

The always late/lost dad needs to be asked one question. How is it that every other family gets the information and he doesn't when it's all sent out at the same time? Then review his contact information with him making sure it is correct. No matter how hard you try there is almost always one family on the team that will be late to most functions. 99% of the time it is the parent(s) who are the issue. Explain to him you can not make exceptions when everyone else is getting their kids there on time. Had a guy like that years ago. Nick named him 10 minute Mike. He was 10 minutes late to everything.

I bet if you sat back and looked at it the majority of the parents do appreciate your efforts. It only takes one to ruin what is a good season. Everyone coach gets them. I had one a few years back. His DD is no longer playing the game. If you can, get rid of the trouble parent. It'll be addition by subtraction.

 

[marriard]

1. That one player has been on 3 teams now in her second year of TB and her parents have created a puss pocket of "my daughter sat out one game" with another parent who has joined in and is telling everyone her daughter is pissed (for sitting out one game), the player wishes her parents would shut up. I love those kids but I am ready to cut both families tbh.

And now she is going to need to find a 4th team. You reputation as a team will go up when it becomes known that you don't put up with this sort of family. Either that or you just tell the parents that you love their daughter but they are not allowed near any team activity anymore because it is causing a huge distraction and you can't have that. They will probably leave with that ultimatum though the older the girl the more likely it is she tells her parents she doesn't want to leave and they can just drop her off and pick her up until they are allowed back (if ever).

Second family involved you may have some more history with and perhaps the absence of the first set of parents will help. Your call on whether that might happen. That said, being part of this group probably means their daughter is one of your weaker players so they may be gone end of season anyway. There is going to be roster turnover because you are always gong to have more girls on the team than spots in the field (plus 1000 other reasons).

2. I have a player who is ALWAYS late, going to the wrong fields, and when I ask who's missing my girls tell me, (she) is always late. This past weekend my phone rang on the speaker (I had it in our team music dock boom box) and the girls started laughing, that's probably (player) calling saying they are at the wrong field. Sure enough, she showed up 10 minutes before game time and she told her dad that she was benched because she was late. I get a text (breaking my 24hr rule) from the dad pissed I would bench her because she can't drive herself to the game and that he didn't get the email, blah blah blah. What do I tell him when he calls me tomorrow?

If they are being contacted like everyone else - and you are consistent with your communications - and you have their contact details right (note: one family I send notices to 6 emails and 4 phone numbers just to make sure and even then...) - then the family is responsible for getting her there on time or contacting you well in advance of time to be there saying why they wont be. Absence of an expected communication is not an excuse - if you are expecting an email/text/whatever and you haven't got it then they should be reaching out to you or other parents on the team for info and to make sure they haven't missed a message. It's game day right? Schedule is posted? While I am still going to send out an email saying you must be at field X at X time, even without it you know you are going to be there X minutes before the game. It is practice night - it could be at one of X numbers of fields. Not certain - contact someone. As long as you have their contact info right and you are sending out communications consistently then this is on them.

I am a little different to others - I am fine with sitting a kid for being late without notice/valid reason. Sure the kid can't drive but YES the kid can be helping move the parents out the door or be the one contacting you to find out what and where if her parents aren't. This is 14U-B - I bet she has a phone and email and text and friends on the team. I have had several players like this in the past - the ones that want to play will get their parents moving and on-time or will take over the communication part of this if their parents don't - especially if they start losing playing time or sitting out or batting down the order. In some situations that might not be totally fair to that one girl - but it is fair to the rest of the team who are doing the right thing - and life isn't always fair to the individual so learn to deal with it.

 

[riseball]

I have three issues I need some advice on.

I am the coach of a 14u TB team that has been playing for about 5 years, half my girls came from a disbanded team in our assn and the other half I've had since rec ball, and one player I picked up.

1. That one player has been on 3 teams now in her second year of TB and her parents have created a puss pocket of "my daughter sat out one game" with another parent who has joined in and is telling everyone her daughter is pissed (for sitting out one game), the player wishes her parents would shut up. I love those kids but I am ready to cut both families tbh.

2. I have a player who is ALWAYS late, going to the wrong fields, and when I ask who's missing my girls tell me, (she) is always late. This past weekend my phone rang on the speaker (I had it in our team music dock boom box) and the girls started laughing, that's probably (player) calling saying they are at the wrong field. Sure enough, she showed up 10 minutes before game time and she told her dad that she was benched because she was late. I get a text (breaking my 24hr rule) from the dad pissed I would bench her because she can't drive herself to the game and that he didn't get the email, blah blah blah. What do I tell him when he calls me tomorrow?

3. I have worked and worked and given my time and blood and sweat and tears for these kids, I improved my coaching staff, I started coaching HS ball to improve my skills as a coach, I have spent an insane amount of money for these kids yet, why do some parents still want to suck my blood? I don't get it...and I've been coaching and playing for a long long time.

To better facilitate communication suggest you set up a simple team website and make payers and parents responsible for information posted. I post our season schedule, game times, uniforms, google map, and any other relevant information at least 24 hours prior to games. Late Saturday night I send out a text with a link to the websites with the updated game time(s) for Sunday. That way there is simply no excuse for not knowing and it eliminates most texting and sending email. Initially you will get some phone calls that can be handled as follows: "Sorry I don't recall the game times or the uniform information. When you look at the website what does it say?" I rarely get a second phone call.

 

[CycloneSoftball22]

I am a little different to others - I am fine with sitting a kid for being late without notice/valid reason. Sure the kid can't drive but YES the kid can be helping move the parents out the door or be the one contacting you to find out what and where if her parents aren't. This is 14U-B - I bet she has a phone and email and text and friends on the team. I have had several players like this in the past - the ones that want to play will get their parents moving and on-time or will take over the communication part of this if their parents don't - especially if they start losing playing time or sitting out or batting down the order. In some situations that might not be totally fair to that one girl - but it is fair to the rest of the team who are doing the right thing - and life isn't always fair to the individual so learn to deal with it.

I totally agree with this part. Kids can be very persuasive and will light a fire under the parents to get them there on time.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

My boys' school coach (they had him for 7 years) accepted no excuses. But, if you were just a few minutes late, you ran poles and then, it was forgotten. If practice was at 5PM, you arrived at 4:45. We always enjoyed the newbie parents that would roll in at 5:05 and get mad, because their kid had to run about 250 feet.

 

[Huskerdu]

I bet if you sat back and looked at it the majority of the parents do appreciate your efforts. It only takes one to ruin what is a good season. Everyone coach gets them. I had one a few years back. His DD is no longer playing the game. If you can, get rid of the trouble parent. It'll be addition by subtraction.

Thank you all. Like I said previous, I have been at this a long time and I have had disgruntled parents before and I have sent them on their way. This is a great group of girls and I know how delicate and fragile teams can be and just the slightest imbalance can set things spinning out of control.

Should I confront the parent pot-stirrer? She has had two kids go through competitive programs before, one played DI softball. I am surprised at her actions actually. I used to trust her, now I can't even look at her. My scorekeeper keeps track of playing time and her kid has sat one inning more than my DD has. This is a weird situation...

 

[CoogansBluff]

re: being late ...

I would frame it this way - She is not being punished for being late. Rather, you play or start only those players who are properly warmed up. She didn't get to warm up properly. Doesn't matter why. It's not a punishment. There is no blame. It's just the natural consequences of how you run the team - You plan the next game at least 30 minutes in advance, and players who are not present 30 minutes (or whatever time) ahead of the game are not included in the plan.

re: Girl who didn't play. Is this the same girl who was late? If not, why did she not play?

 

[Huskerdu]

re: being late ...

I would frame it this way - She is not being punished for being late. Rather, she is not prepared to play because she didn't get to warm up. It's not a punishment. There is no blame. It's just the natural consequences of how you run the team - You can't play players who aren't properly warmed up and ready, and that you make the lineup 30 minutes ahead of the game using the players who are present and accounted for.

re: Girl who didn't play. Is this the same girl who was late? If not, why did she not play?

No, they are different kids, this kid called her dad (who ironically left after he dropped her off) and told him she was benched. She actually got to hit, she just didn't play defense. I spoke to her later about being late because she was obviously ticked off because she didn't get to catch the first game. I told her she didn't want a reputation for always being late, then I allowed her to catch the third pool game (she is our 1-2 catcher). I thought it was resolved until her daddy texted me trying to goad me into an argument, a couple of hours after the games.