DD Getting frozen out of High School ball. Any options during that time

[uncdrew]

Given the injustices adults are capable of inflicting on young people, I hardly find it surprising that there are a few high school coaches who retaliate against the children of parents they don't like by denying them playing time or who making roster decisions based on friendships with some of the parents.

Agreed.

But what makes the coaches not like the parents? I mean what's going on?

We drop our kid at practice, pay the bills, cheer in the stands, help out when we can. [EDIT: I slept with his wife. Think that matters?]

 

[RedBirdDad]

This comes from a PC I know who used to coach at an elite private HS. He said one time he did not start a kid on the baseball team because the kid would not do what the coach had asked (baserunning-wise) over and over. Coach benched him a game. Next day, Coach was called into the AD’s office where he was met with the parents of the player. Dad was a big-time CEO and trustee of the school. It was either his kid started or coach was gone. Coach wound up quitting.

While I do agree it’s probably not very frequent that the politics happen, I have seen it happen at private schools where a lot of donor money comes into play.

My DD has long since graduated HS and is now off the payroll, earning her own money as a nurse, but we had a similar situation in HS.

She made varsity as a freshman pitcher and the “#1” pitcher (a senior) had parents who were close to the AD. During a double header early in her freshman season, the “#1” pitcher won the first game something like 7-5. DD started the second game and threw a no-hitter.

The next day, DD was called in for a drug test, which she of course passed, and without coming right out and saying it (at the time) the coach gave us hints that he was being pressured by the AD to play the senior. This went on all season, and my DD definitely got pitching opportunities, consistently pitching better than the “#1” pitcher. Pressure continued on the coach to the point that during the playoffs the “#1” was getting hammered and we overheard the assistant coach telling the HC that he needed to pull “#1” and put in DD, to which he replied that he can’t.

They lost the game (badly) and there was a new coach the following season. The former coach confirmed to us what had happened and said he felt horrible about it. I ran into the parent who bent the ear of the AD and confronted him telling him that I knew what he did, and that only a real POS would do something like that. Several people heard the conversation and although it ended there, I suspect his stature was brought down a few pegs in the eyes of many.

I don’t miss the petty politics in the least, but I do miss watching my DD make batters look foolish when she threw her rise ball.

 

[PDM]

..... because???....

And I am not being trite here. It does matter on how I would answer this.

No, it really doesn't matter. The question is whether there are other options. No one is asking for a solution for how to play for the HS team.

 

[whiporee]

My DD has long since graduated HS and is now off the payroll, earning her own money as a nurse, but we had a similar situation in HS.

She made varsity as a freshman pitcher and the “#1” pitcher (a senior) had parents who were close to the AD. During a double header early in her freshman season, the “#1” pitcher won the first game something like 7-5. DD started the second game and threw a no-hitter.

The next day, DD was called in for a drug test, which she of course passed, and without coming right out and saying it (at the time) the coach gave us hints that he was being pressured by the AD to play the senior. This went on all season, and my DD definitely got pitching opportunities, consistently pitching better than the “#1” pitcher. Pressure continued on the coach to the point that during the playoffs the “#1” was getting hammered and we overheard the assistant coach telling the HC that he needed to pull “#1” and put in DD, to which he replied that he can’t.

They lost the game (badly) and there was a new coach the following season. The former coach confirmed to us what had happened and said he felt horrible about it. I ran into the parent who bent the ear of the AD and confronted him telling him that I knew what he did, and that only a real POS would do something like that. Several people heard the conversation and although it ended there, I suspect his stature was brought down a few pegs in the eyes of many.

I don’t miss the petty politics in the least, but I do miss watching my DD make batters look foolish when she threw her rise ball.

I'm glad for your daughter's success.

I think it sucks that she was framed for drug abuse if it didn't happen.

I'm glad the senior pitcher, who, after spending four years being part of a probably a leader of her high school team, didn't spend the season watching a freshman pitch in front of her.

Your daughter's life wasn't scarred by her having to wait a season to be the star she became.

It's always good to show a little empathy for the other side in these things, if you can muster. I'd never criticize a coach who gave upperclassmen starts over freshmen, nor for giving a senior the chance to succeed or fail. The coach's "I can't" comment could have just as easily been "I can't do that to her." While I don't know the particulars of it, that playoff game might have been the last game the girl was ever going to pitch. I can't fault a coach for giving her every chance to go out on a high note.

And, just for the record, you don't know what the other pitcher's parents said or did not say to the AD. Kind of harsh to publicly berate or accuse him for something that was only hearsay.

 

[radness]

Hard to believe there are a lot of ADs out there who would be ok with a coach not playing the players he/she thought gave them the best chance of winning but I guess I could be wrong.

imagine if the goals of individual AD's were detailed and available to the public,
The public could choose high schools better.
(select best fit)

AD personalities examples:
A. Everyone should be included in participating supporting our school spirit.
Or
B. Participating in sports is an earned opportunity to support our school.

Unfortunately coaches tend to be caught in the middle
between the parents & AD.

 

[whiporee]

imagine if the goals of individual AD's were detailed and available to the public,
The public could choose high schools better.
(select best fit)

AD personalities examples:
A. Everyone should be included in participating supporting our school spirit.
Or
B. Participating in sports is an earned opportunity to support our school.

Unfortunately coaches tend to be caught in the middle
between the parents & AD.

The list is incomplete, because it leaves off:

C. Complaining parents' children will be given priority.

D. Those with the most talent start and play. Period.

I think the "earned" question is interesting, because its hard to define. I think teenagers "earn" a lot by showing up. I think you earn a lot by being part of a team for years and staying loyal. I don't think you earn by having more talent. I don't think the time i put in for one job earns me something for the next one; I don't think the effort a girl puts in for her travel team earns her something from her high school coach. And I think contributions to a team -- especially in high school -- go beyond their specific skills on the field.

 

[_MIA_]

The list is incomplete, because it leaves off:

C. Complaining parents' children will be given priority.

D. Those with the most talent start and play. Period.

I think the "earned" question is interesting, because its hard to define. I think teenagers "earn" a lot by showing up. I think you earn a lot by being part of a team for years and staying loyal. I don't think you earn by having more talent. I don't think the time i put in for one job earns me something for the next one; I don't think the effort a girl puts in for her travel team earns her something from her high school coach. And I think contributions to a team -- especially in high school -- go beyond their specific skills on the field.

The way you appear to view HS sports, why even keep score? At some point in life you have to learn that if somebody is better than you at something, then they will reap the benefits..doesn't make you a bad person, it's just life

 

[radness]

The list is incomplete, because it leaves off:

C. Complaining parents' children will be given priority.

D. Those with the most talent start and play. Period.

I think the "earned" question is interesting, because its hard to define. I think teenagers "earn" a lot by showing up. I think you earn a lot by being part of a team for years and staying loyal. I don't think you earn by having more talent. I don't think the time i put in for one job earns me something for the next one; I don't think the effort a girl puts in for her travel team earns her something from her high school coach. And I think contributions to a team -- especially in high school -- go beyond their specific skills on the field.

There are basically 2 roads.

Everyone plays regardless of talent or winning.
Or
A plan to win as much as posible.

My post commented on AD having a say in what road coaches may have to take.

Its important to acknowledge HS Coaches will get the complaining end of the stick either road thats taken.
From parents and AD's

Also usually parents participating in helping snack bar, booster club stuff,
is an enormously big contribution because h.s. softball is mostly self funded.

 

[BrianTx01]

There are a lot of schools that could probably care less how many softball games they lose. Football might be a different matter. If it is just a matter of playing upperclassmen than I would just wait it out.

 

[_MIA_]

and before anybody says anything, I don't mean you win at all costs e.g. ignore academic rules,behavior, etc ...