At What Point Do You Stop

[Shelbylynn]

DD is on a C level 14U travel team, having played rec since 10U in a non-softball area. DD wants to play in college as a pitcher. We’ve invested time and money with a local pitching coach that was more cheerleader than teacher. DD’s level of commitment to her team and team practice is very strong but not matched by her coach and teammates. Her team operates more as a rec team, with a lot of cancelled or inefficient practices. Very quickly we figured we’d have to get additional lessons if she was to improve. While this was disappointing, we decided to stick out the season. DD is not motivated to practice on her own, and it gets old reminding her. DH unfortunately has little time to catch for her, and I’m unable. Her pitching has been awful this spring, as expected, and if we weren’t already down a pitcher, I’d have no doubt she would be benched. That in itself would be a great lesson. At what point do you stop reminding them to practice and take them to lessons? Is it on us as parents to practice more with her? She has a pitching set-up in the basement to practice on her own, but rarely does so unless I accompany her. Travel tryouts will be in 45 days and we will be trying out for other teams, but after seeing some other local pitchers, DD pales in comparison. She will be taking some camps to sharpen her abilities before tryouts, so I’m hopeful that will help. Any advice is greatly appreciated. It’s difficult sitting on the sidelines watching her struggle and I keep waiting for her to get frustrated enough to improve. Where do you draw the line?

 

[JAD]

You cannot teach "heart".....some players have it and others don't. If your DD is not motivated to practice on her own then she will never make it as a pitcher on a competitive TB team or in college. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but better to find out now vs. two years from now after you have spent thousands of $$$ on travel ball.

 

[Mom_Coach_Fan]

I appreciate where you are with your DD and the right path forward. I agree with JAD above. I have come to realize that my dreams for my DD are in fact just that, MY dreams. Hers are entirely different. I can offer support and encouragement, but she is nearing an age when we must have realistic discussions about her softball future. I know she doesn't put in the work that others do (she is a catcher) and I am not inclined to make softball into a "chore". The last thing I want to do is make her hate something that she still loves today for many reasons (and alot of them social)!

I often must remind myself to find joy in watching her play - even if that means low-level travel ball, which could end well before I am ready for it to.

 

[Shelbylynn]

That's pretty much what I expected to hear, so thank you.

 

[NorthMS]

The deal I have with DD#1 is that I will support (time and money, but mainly money) her hobbies as long as she is willing to put forth the effort on her own.

 

[Eric F]

DD wants to play in college as a pitcher.

It sounds like it's time to have a conversation about how much she wants this ^ and what she is willing to do to get it. The reality is that it's going to take a tremendous amount of work and sacrifice by HER. If she wants it bad enough, she will find a way to practice even if she doesn't have a catcher to pitch to. SHE is the only one who can put in the work necessary to get there. There is no short-cut. If she's already lagging behind the other pitchers in the area, that an indicator that it's probably going to take MORE work to reach the goal. If she's looking for the easy path, it doesn't exist.

 

[canyonjoe]

You can't make her try as hard as you like. Tryout and see if you make any teams. Many teams needs pitchers so you never know. She will have to work just to pitch for any of the other teams, but it might motivate her. If she doesn't she can almost forget about playing in college which isn't the end of the world. They she needs to decide if she wants to keep playing for fun on C teams. It's still a fun game just not going to get her into college.

If you have the money and want to try and different PC it might help. Some are brutally honest and will give you a good assessment. I know one coach that if you don't work during the week will ask your parents why they are wasting money on her.

 

[Ken Krause]

In my career as a private coach, I've had to have "the talk" with a handful of students. It's clear that they're not working during the week, and they're certainly not progressing from lesson to lesson. I will ask them why they're there. If they want to pitch or hit or whatever the way they do it now, that's ok. Have at it. But they don't need to waste their time, my time or their parents' money to do that. They already know how. If they want to get better, then they need to get involved and start working to improve.

A couple have left. Others have come back and then the real learning starts because no coach, no matter what their credentials, can teach a kid who isn't motivated to learn and improve.

You need to find out what your daughter wants. Not what she wishes for in some distant, vague future (play in college) but what she wants now. As others have said, it's a long, tough road. If she's not into it enough to want to practice on her own then perhaps it's not what she really wants.

 

[iMlearning]

You can't make her try as hard as you like. Tryout and see if you make any teams. Many teams needs pitchers so you never know. She will have to work just to pitch for any of the other teams, but it might motivate her. If she doesn't she can almost forget about playing in college which isn't the end of the world. They she needs to decide if she wants to keep playing for fun on C teams. It's still a fun game just not going to get her into college.

If you have the money and want to try and different PC it might help. Some are brutally honest and will give you a good assessment. I know one coach that if you don't work during the week will ask your parents why they are wasting money on her.

I think playing on a team with better girls is a great motivator but it doesn't always work for everyone. Like JAD said, some people just don't have it in them. I had a difficult time with DD when she was 13, so we sat down and talked and she told me she just needed a push...once she got on the field, she had a blast practicing. That gets tiring though as a parent. Fortunately, things got serious in TB and a light switched on in her head and she's been practicing like crazy every since.

 

[TimothyJ]

At 13yrs old, I told each of my kids that they owned their own schedules. I'd take them to whatever practices or lessons they had, sit on a bucket or pitch to them whenever I could, support them and pay for what I could afford. But what was changing was that I would no longer remind them, nudge them, etc.
If something was coming up, it was THEIR job to tell me about it, and arrange a ride from Myself or Mom.

To help, I set up a "family calendar" so everyone can see on their phones/ipods what's coming up.

At first, they'd miss some stuff. You do have to commit to letting them do that and suffer consequences (angry coach..or bad outing in the circle)

Worked great with my daughter. Now at 15, she is in total control of her (very busy) schedule. Instead of having to remind her, when she gets home from school I get a text.. "Practice today, who's taking me?"

My son (now 13) is still a work in progress, but getting better