At What Point Do You Stop

[Cowdogz]

You cannot teach "heart".....some players have it and others don't.

I can't say whether this kid has heart, but it does sound like softball is not where her heart is. She sounds a lot like mine, who after seeing her dance ballet this year, I think I am at peace with her ending her softball career if that is what she decides. She is leaning that way.

 

[Eric F]

I can't say whether this kid has heart, but it does sound like softball is not where her heart is. She sounds a lot like mine, who after seeing her dance ballet this year, I think I am at peace with her ending her softball career if that is what she decides. She is leaning that way.

It happens. My oldest DD decided that cheer was a higher priority in HS, and set a goal of becoming team captain for her senior year. She has busted her butt (and a bone), and achieved her goal.

 

[Cowdogz]

It happens. My oldest DD decided that cheer was a higher priority in HS, and set a goal of becoming team captain for her senior year. She has busted her butt (and a bone), and achieved her goal.

Mine has been asked to start pointe, which is by instructor invite only, and considered quite an accomplishment at her studio.

 

[InsidePitch]

I just stopped bringing it up and after 2 weeks of no practice, I announced that "I" was done with pitching.

 

[CoogansBluff]

DD is on a C level 14U travel team, having played rec since 10U in a non-softball area. DD wants to play in college as a pitcher. We’ve invested time and money with a local pitching coach that was more cheerleader than teacher. DD’s level of commitment to her team and team practice is very strong but not matched by her coach and teammates. Her team operates more as a rec team, with a lot of cancelled or inefficient practices. Very quickly we figured we’d have to get additional lessons if she was to improve. While this was disappointing, we decided to stick out the season. DD is not motivated to practice on her own, and it gets old reminding her. DH unfortunately has little time to catch for her, and I’m unable. Her pitching has been awful this spring, as expected, and if we weren’t already down a pitcher, I’d have no doubt she would be benched. That in itself would be a great lesson. At what point do you stop reminding them to practice and take them to lessons? Is it on us as parents to practice more with her? She has a pitching set-up in the basement to practice on her own, but rarely does so unless I accompany her. Travel tryouts will be in 45 days and we will be trying out for other teams, but after seeing some other local pitchers, DD pales in comparison. She will be taking some camps to sharpen her abilities before tryouts, so I’m hopeful that will help. Any advice is greatly appreciated. It’s difficult sitting on the sidelines watching her struggle and I keep waiting for her to get frustrated enough to improve. Where do you draw the line?

Based on that report, the prognosis for turning the corner and becoming really good and playing in college is not good. Two things that might ignite a fire is having success (but it sounds like she's not, at least not as a pitcher) and playing on a stronger team where her more serious teammates will inspire and lead her (but it sounds like she can't make a much stronger team, at least not as a pitcher). From the sound of it, I wouldn't pay more for lessons unless I saw more desire.

Also, fact that she doesn't like to go in the basement and practice on her own isn't necessarily a sign of no motivation. My daughter doesn't like to hit by herself. But she loves going with me to hit, even if I'm putting the ball on the tee. Not having a training partner can be a disadvantage as well.

There's no tragedy in this is she just enjoys playing. How well does she hit and field? The turning point for my daughter came at about age 13. It came because she grew into her body and her work began to pay off and she went from just decent player to one of the 2-3 best hitters on any team she was on. It also changed because she joined a new team and felt she had something to prove. She got on better teams where players were motivated and working hard both on the field and at home was just part of the culture. If she's a good hitter/ fielder, I'd find her a team where teammates are better and more serious and see the effect of that.

 

[sluggers]

Shelbylynn:

So:

1) You got her a terrible pitching coach.
2) You can't practice with her at home.
3) You have her playing on a terrible team.

And, it is *her* fault she doesn't want to practice?

Practicing pitching is dull and repetitive. Without a great deal of parental support, she won't get better.

If you don't have time to do it, then you and she have to give it up. You are wasting time.

Where do you draw the line?

You've already drawn one.

No child will succeed at pitching in the environment you created for her.

It takes a lot of parental time to make a pitcher. There are many reasons why a parent doesn't have the time...work, illness, other children, caring for an elderly parent, etc. If you don't have the time to devote to her becoming a pitcher, it is OK. Life goes on.

But, don't blame her or yourself because she isn't a great pitcher.

You cannot teach "heart".....some players have it and others don't.

JAD, I like your posts generally, but this is ridiculous. You've never met this little girl in your life, and you have somehow decided that she doesn't have heart? How do you get that?

How much did your DD practice on her own? Mine didn't practice alone at all until they were 16YOA or so. I practiced with both of them during their first year of college.

 

[Cannonball]

I was just talking to a person about almost the exact same situation. The young lady is 13 turning 14 and doesn't practice on her own. She complains when she has to with parents. She says she wants to be a college pitcher and the problem with that is that she saw a similar pitcher make a college team and so, she thinks she's good to go. (That is the impression I get.) She doesn't factor in that the "similar pitcher" is pitching for a team that is horrible, will never win and has a reputation for not winning. So, similar team choices. This young lady does good playing against the teams she plays against. She has never "played up" and has no clue about what is going to happen in HS. While I'm not willing to throw in the towel on this young lady just yet, I don't see the motivation there. My advice to this parent was to go to some tryouts of better teams and see if she can make one of those teams. If she can, she'll learn right away that she has to work. If she doesn't, she will have to make a choice about what is next. I do think she might be able to pitch JV but that isn't saying much at many schools. This is truly a tough position for the parents to be in but they have to let their child determine their own fate. You can give them the resources but they have to want to do it. When they make their choice then you have to support them.

 

[AndyS]

Shelbylynn:

So:

1) You got her a terrible pitching coach.
2) You can't practice with her at home.
3) You have her playing on a terrible team.

And, it is *her* fault she doesn't want to practice?

Practicing pitching is dull and repetitive. Without a great deal of parental support, she won't get better.

If you don't have time to do it, then you and she have to give it up. You are wasting time.



You've already drawn one.

No child will succeed at pitching in the environment you created for her.

It takes a lot of parental time to make a pitcher. There are many reasons why a parent doesn't have the time...work, illness, other children, caring for an elderly parent, etc. If you don't have the time to devote to her becoming a pitcher, it is OK. Life goes on.

But, don't blame her or yourself because she isn't a great pitcher.



JAD, I like your posts generally, but this is ridiculous. You've never met this little girl in your life, and you have somehow decided that she doesn't have heart? How do you get that?

How much did your DD practice on her own? Mine didn't practice alone at all until they were 16YOA or so. I practiced with both of them during their first year of college.

I REALLY have to agree with this post. My DD LOVES to pitch. She loves pitching probably even more than just playing softball if that makes sense. But I am quite certain that if when she was younger: I sent her to a terrible pitching coach, and did not have the time to work with her, and topped it off by putting her on a team that was not committed to softball she would be probably playing the pan flute or something now.

I am not trying to sound harsh but yikes that is the very definition of setting a kid up to fail.

 

[RetiredCoach]

Ultimately, I believe, when to stop should be determined by the kid. With my DDs, I am backing way off on putting any pressure on them--though I still have aways to go. It does seem, however, that my older DDs interest in the sport has ignited and she is showing it on the field. I think that me backing off helped her decide that being successful at softball is what she wants and not what she wants to do to please me.

 

[PA SB Dad]

I have posted my philosophy about kids and athletics elsewhere, and at the risk of being repetitive, will do it again here. I do not believe in burn out. I firmly believe that kids stop playing sports when it stops being fun for them. When does that occur? Most often when it becomes too hard to keep up with the other players with the effort they are currently putting in, and they are unwilling to put in a greater effort to be better. Sometimes it is about not having enough hours in the day to practice, having other commitments that are more important (or more "fun"), or not having a big enough support system to help them continue to make the extra effort.

Water finds it's own level, and that level is determined by several things:
1. Innate ability, or a kids athleticism.
2. Skill development - softball, especially pitching, is a skill sport. Athleticism alone does not help you develop the skills necessary to compete as you get older.
3. Resilience and humility - recognizing that you are going to fail more often that you are going to succeed, and still be willing to go out the next day and work harder to improve.

If your DD does not have these factors in her favor, she is going to find it very difficult to compete beyond where she is right now. There are hundreds of thousands of kids who can throw and hit a softball in this country, but very few are going to get to the level it takes to play softball in college.