What would you do? teammate using drugs and drinking

[TMoney]

IMO, if it's not happening at the games, school, or any function associated, then its not yours nor the coaches concern. Now, if you care for the girl and want to get her help, talk to her parents.

 

[InsidePitch]

I didn't tell on a neighbor kid when he first got involved with dope. I was afraid his Ultra Liberal mom would tell me to mind my own business. Fast forward 4 years. The kid was kicked out of 2 HS and dropped out of the third. 3 more years and he has no degree or job but when you speak to him he's got tons of grand plans. He just doesn't have the motiviation to put them into play.

"...I gonna kick tomorrow..."

 

[PA SB Dad]

I guess I would want to know what your end game is for informing the coach. Is it that you do not want this girl on the team if she is going to be a bad influence on your DD? If that is the reason, that is fine, but be prepared to walk away from the team if the girl stays on the team. However, I think there are better ways to handle the situation than trying to shelter your DD, since this is probably not the only person she might have contact with who might be involved with drugs or alcohol.

 

[Lobster Birch]

Drugs and alcohol are only for professional athletes.

 

[PEPPERS]

Is this something that the coaches are unaware of or are turning a blind eye to?

I know most university teams have a zero tolerance for drugs and alcohol. I think I can count about 3 on my DD's team during her 4yrs that were kicked off the team for this. Mostly alcohol. Shame too, because most of them had to quit school as they lost their scholarship as well.

I always talk to my high schoolers about this, getting them to understand the seriousness of this when they are about to go off to college.

DD advised that they do random drug testing, but the one(s) doing the drugs never seems to get tested.

 

[Coachmom]

I hate zero tolerance policies.
I am not advocating doing drugs, just offering some personal experience. My dad was a hippy pot smoker till the day he died. I was caught doing quaaludes as a senior in high school. 1979. It didn't stop me doing drugs. I just got smarter on how to hide it.
Drugs and alcohol are a part of daily life in this country whether we like it or not. People say pot is a gateway drug because it is not legal but alcohol is really the gateway drug. More kids try alcohol (I did) before trying any other drug. Sheltering our children from it instead of educating them are (in my mind) a big mistake.
I would use this as an opportunity to talk to my own children about drug use, moderation, and if they do make a stupid mistake by drinking too much or getting too stoned I want them to feel free to CALL me. My "liberal" philosophy got me 2 great kids who are well adjusted, college educated and off living their lives.

Fun fact...More people die from prescription drug overdoses than illegal street drugs.
Prescription Drug Abuse Statistics - Overdoses & Deaths - Drug-Free World

We live in a country that runs TV adverts for alcohol and pills 24/7. What exactly do we expect from our kids? If it's perfection I am afraid many have all fallen short in that arena.

too active-take a pill
too fat-take a pill
too sad-take a pill
lack focus-take a pill
head hurts-take a pill
E.D.-take a pill

Want a great party?-drink baccardi
Want to be the most interesting man in the world?-drink dos equis

You get the picture.

Best of luck on whatever you choose to do.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

You will not get any thanks for telling the parents. Tell your daughter what your rules are for her when around the other girl. Some one else will do the anonymous cr@p.

 

[Rocketech1]

What would you do if you know there is a player on your dd's team the is regularly smoking pot and drinking? I know this because I monitor my child's social media closely. I feel like the coach should be made aware of the situation. Dont really feel like i can tell the parents and not sure they would even care.

You do nothing. What kids do in their personal time is up to their parents and the kids. Don't be the moral police for the softball team.

 

[Momo'sDad]

You've received some good counsel in this thread. Allow me to be clear about my position - I find the "regular drinking" to be a far greater concern than recreational pot use. If I were in your shoes, it would depend on what relationship I had with the girl and her family. If our families are friends, I'd be cautious and diplomatic, but I'd be willing to risk the friendship to try to keep a kid from becoming likely to end up in a vehicle with other teens who've been drinking.

If I had no relationship with them, sadly, I'd probably have to agree with Rocketech. I know that seems somewhat contradictory. Or maybe I'd inform the parents of what I'd observed since there was no relationship at all and I'd be losing nothing if they hated me.

This is a really tough question. Meditate or pray on it and hopefully you'll find some clarity after reading what others have shared here.

 

[riseball]

It would help to know what type of team is involved. A rec or HS team is a different matter than a showcase team where the behavior can adversely affect other players, coaches, and the brand in general. As the coach of an 18U showcase team the personal behavior of players is none of my business until it becomes a team issue. At that point it is addressed quickly and decisively.