I really need parents AND coaches advise badly....new to forum.

[KevinC]

I suggest you stay in the stands and keep your head down the rest of the season. Whether you deserve it or not you are on the coaches troublemaker list. Make sure she's on time every day and don't ask for any special treatment (e.g. leaving practice early).

Focus on improving her pitching in the off season. If she improves and you stay off the coaches "list" she might get a shot to pitch next year.

For this season focus on hitting as suggested by Starsnuffer. If she starts hitting she'll play more.

 

[magalee]

I'm aware the coach isn't fond of me or my husband......the question was if the coach was treating both pitchers with fairness - saying nothing when other pitchers parent made suggestions to her about a pitching problem, but not letting my daughter get suggestions from a parent, and being rude on top of that. I"m not concerned if he likes me or not, I'm concerned about his attitude with my daughter. This is the first time either my husband or I have ever made a suggestion to her at a game. We are in the stands biting our tongues till they bleed.

As far as the leaving early to have pitching practice, I don't see that as "special treatment" at all. She never pitches in his practices. The other pitcher pitches in every practice to the girls when they are hitting, so she is getting her throws in during the week and mound time. My daughter gets none of this at practice, but then she is suppose to pitch well at a game - if she is allowed to - and there usually isn't enough time when she gets home to have a practice, which is every weekday that there isn't a game, because she does have homework and other responsibilities, like any other student. Also, the pitching coach offered to come to the field and work with her while other pitcher was throwing to batters on the field, so daughter could stay on the field with team but have the opportunity to pitch also and that was a "no' too. From the responses here, I suppose any effort to let her pitch once day during the week, would be special treatment. The reason her pitching was off was she had not had the opportunity to pitch for several days and the coach was just several feet from her watching her screw up, I knew he was making her nervous and she needed to focus on her pitch and not him. He certainly never encourages her and teammates are always telling her "wish he were nicer to you" because its so obvious. Other parents say "maybe he's in a good mood and will put her in too pitch". They know her pitching or not pitching has nothing to do with how she pitches.

And she is taking hitting lessons, she hit 2 balls to center field close to fence and a line drive to left field yesterday at practice and is very pleased with herself, and I am proud of her for working so hard. But it will make no difference on this team how well she hits, she won't play. The assistant coach to her coach "getting more aggressive with hitting isn't she" and her coach nodded and walked away. Because as I said, he never speaks to her or encourages her, and now I can't do that either or I am a problem.......hmmmmm. I think you are all right, everyone should treat her like he does and she will eventually just quit trying. This coach is a jerk, and the advise I get is to lay low and kiss his butt. Nice. Coming on here as a "parent" with a problem has 2 strikes against you from the git go. Because of course, the parent is always the problem, no matter what the coach is doing........no one even mentioned that the other pitcher is free to get all the advice she wants from daddy and nothing is said. Same attitude here as the coach has.

 

[starsnuffer]

It sounds like you came here in hopes that someone else would justify your behavior, not for advice. You asked for advice, and a lot of people gave you honest, candid advice, in hopes that it would help your situation.

Look, life isn't fair, nor is the world sympathetic for those who point out the fact that life isn't fair. Your daughter only has one chance to go through highschool, she can either learn to take the criticism and obstacles that get put in her way and see them as challenges that she needs to work to overcome, or she can take the view that "it isn't fair" and run away from the situation.

As much as you may not want to hear it, your daughter is not the only teenager with a jerk for a coach, a ton of homework, a complex social life, and family to contend with her limited time. You can choose to get sympathy, or you can strive for results, it's really your choice.

-W

 

[Greenmonsters]

Whoa, Magalee! Who ever said HS coaches were or had to be fair? Blessed are those who are, but whether they're the rule or exception, it doesn't really matter because each of us has to deal with our own reality. And that reality is that DD's HS coach is the boss, good or bad, and it's simply their way or the highway. Many of the members here have been faced with situations very similar to what you are currently experiencing (i.e., for her first 2 yrs my DD never caught b/c the HS Coach's god-daughter was the C; the other parent's joked that my DD wasn't good enough to start because she wasn't 5x better; DD (and Mom and Dad) accepted the circumstances and she played every position except 2B & P, twice received the Coach's Award, and worked on her C on her own time and during travel ball).

The advice you've been given is generally sound and well intentioned and it's primarily coming from a PARENT's perspective. Bottom line is that there are 2 simple choices, 1) quit HS ball or 2) make the best of HS ball and wait for the travel season to start. Seems DD is handling the situation better than Mom and Dad. Just something to think about.

Good luck.

 

[SoftSocDad]

I'm aware the coach isn't fond of me or my husband......the question was if the coach was treating both pitchers with fairness - saying nothing when other pitchers parent made suggestions to her about a pitching problem, but not letting my daughter get suggestions from a parent, and being rude on top of that. I"m not concerned if he likes me or not, I'm concerned about his attitude with my daughter. This is the first time either my husband or I have ever made a suggestion to her at a game. We are in the stands biting our tongues till they bleed.

As far as the leaving early to have pitching practice, I don't see that as "special treatment" at all. She never pitches in his practices. The other pitcher pitches in every practice to the girls when they are hitting, so she is getting her throws in during the week and mound time. My daughter gets none of this at practice, but then she is suppose to pitch well at a game - if she is allowed to - and there usually isn't enough time when she gets home to have a practice, which is every weekday that there isn't a game, because she does have homework and other responsibilities, like any other student. Also, the pitching coach offered to come to the field and work with her while other pitcher was throwing to batters on the field, so daughter could stay on the field with team but have the opportunity to pitch also and that was a "no' too. From the responses here, I suppose any effort to let her pitch once day during the week, would be special treatment. The reason her pitching was off was she had not had the opportunity to pitch for several days and the coach was just several feet from her watching her screw up, I knew he was making her nervous and she needed to focus on her pitch and not him. He certainly never encourages her and teammates are always telling her "wish he were nicer to you" because its so obvious. Other parents say "maybe he's in a good mood and will put her in too pitch". They know her pitching or not pitching has nothing to do with how she pitches.

And she is taking hitting lessons, she hit 2 balls to center field close to fence and a line drive to left field yesterday at practice and is very pleased with herself, and I am proud of her for working so hard. But it will make no difference on this team how well she hits, she won't play. The assistant coach to her coach "getting more aggressive with hitting isn't she" and her coach nodded and walked away. Because as I said, he never speaks to her or encourages her, and now I can't do that either or I am a problem.......hmmmmm. I think you are all right, everyone should treat her like he does and she will eventually just quit trying. This coach is a jerk, and the advise I get is to lay low and kiss his butt. Nice. Coming on here as a "parent" with a problem has 2 strikes against you from the git go. Because of course, the parent is always the problem, no matter what the coach is doing........no one even mentioned that the other pitcher is free to get all the advice she wants from daddy and nothing is said. Same attitude here as the coach has.

You're over-involved and instead of listening to reason, you've got your dander up because you don't want anyone to tell you how to parent. The reality is that, unless your daughter is talented beyond belief, very few coaches anywhere are going to want to deal with the drama you're bringing and I knew that after your first post.

There are jerks and really bad coaches out there, but more often than not, when a person is full of excuses about everything, it's they and not the coach who are usually the main problem.

If your daughter wants to be on the team, then she needs to go out and do the best that she can without your interference. When she's with her team, leave her alone. The things you've described do not rise to the level of abuse or mistreatment that would require a parental intervention. She's not being berated, nor is she being overworked. Any psychological abuse you're perceiving is largely the result of your own involvement in the situation.

As a parent, you have to drive your kid everywhere. You have to be at practices, games, private lessons, etc. You've spent the money, put in the time, and you've been with her from the start. But while your commitment and devotion to your daughter and her sport cannot be questioned, take a few more deep breaths, and take a few steps further back from the action. Not only will it be good for you, but it'll be good for your daughter as well. If you want to see her truly blossom into the best player she can become, stop hovering and stop worrying so much about the little things. If she puts in the work, then she should be ready when she gets her opportunity to shine.

As for you and the coach, I don't know if that relationship can be repaired, but make sure you do as much as you can to ensure that she's on time for everything and is prepared to participate wherever the team/coach needs her.

 

[Screwball]

That's a pretty good idea - if you want to see your #2 injured. 15-20 minute warm up just isn't enough and a pitcher going into a game with not enough warm up is a recipe for injury. More importantly, if your #1 is hurt and #2 needs to come in immediately, she is cold and the possibility of unjury is multiplied X10.

It is a good idea to warm up all pitchers beforehand that may play in the game. THEN if it looks as though #2 might need to come in, give her a 15-20 minute warm up.

I agree with this.

 

[Screwball]

Just an update on the last several days, I appreciate everyone for their opinions and advice so far.
Not sure if I put in other post that daughter is missing her weekly pitching lesson due to softball practice after school everyday. I did ask the coach several weeks ago if i could pick her up from his practice 30 minutes early once a week so she could go to her lesson. He said no, and she fields during his practice, not pitch. The pitching coach is working with me to give her a 7:30pm lesson when she can, but it is not consistent. We are just trying to work at home, just not much time before dark and she is tired from 2 1/2 hours of softball practice. She gets more practice time on weekends.

After several throws, I walked over and said "you can bring it down, you are leaning forward, push back..........." and I never finished my statement because the coach (that was just a few feet away) told my daughter "Hey, warm up!" and then stared at me for a second, turned away, then turned back with raised eyebrows and pointed to the stands. My daughter looked at me like "dont' say anything mom, or i won't pitch!" and I silently went and sat back down with my husband.

Thanks

Now on the topic: I understand the frustration, because yes pitchers should all get time in practice. Remember that if you only have one coach, he or she may not be able to break off segments the way you want, as the coach is pulled to various priorities and on a limited time schedule.

It is very annoying to any and all coaches that parents are shouting instructions not only to other kids but most often their own kids. Second, when you make a commitment to a team, you can't leave early for private instruction.

Magalee: Why do you think these things are OK for you to do?

 

[Coach JV]

The advice you've been given is generally sound and well intentioned and it's primarily coming from a PARENT's perspective. Bottom line is that there are 2 simple choices, 1) quit HS ball or 2) make the best of HS ball and wait for the travel season to start. Seems DD is handling the situation better than Mom and Dad. Just something to think about.

APPLAUSE!!!!!!!
This entire thread is the reason I have a 6 foot rule.
Parents are not allowed within 6 feet of the fence or dugout
as they love to yap at DD which is a distraction to the entire team.
Also why I have the 24 hour rule-no conversation with parents and players until
the day after a game where one or the other is unhappy. Abide by these rules and
conflict can be avoided.

Magalee-Your intentions are good for protecting DD, your methods
are intrusive to the team concept!

 

[WinThemAll]

Originally Posted by Coach-n-Dad View Post
That's a pretty good idea - if you want to see your #2 injured. 15-20 minute warm up just isn't enough and a pitcher going into a game with not enough warm up is a recipe for injury. More importantly, if your #1 is hurt and #2 needs to come in immediately, she is cold and the possibility of unjury is multiplied X10.

It is a good idea to warm up all pitchers beforehand that may play in the game. THEN if it looks as though #2 might need to come in, give her a 15-20 minute warm up.

I agree with this.

If all your pitchers need more than 15-20 minutes to warm up to pitch before the game, and then you decide to throw someone else who has already warmed up, you want her to throw for more than 15-20 minutes before you put her in? Don't you run the risk of the game ending? That's a lot of warm up. I would almost consider that a practice.

A pitcher should be able to warm up in 20 minutes. Stay warm between innings and be ready to go when needed.

 

[obbay]

Magalee- you haven't mentioned ice. your DD should ice her arm (the bad elbow) after practice, games or whatever.

I feel your pain as do many others here. but the advice to back off when the coach is around is good advice. you can't force someone to change their mind and you're not going to change that coach. let him discover your DD on his own.

When you have a coach that doesn't see your kid for what she is, it gets in the kid's head and starts destroying her confidence and self-image. A vicious, self-fulfilling cycle.

That being said, I'm assuming she plays in other leagues (TB) so maybe she doesn't play HS ball. use it for strength and conditioning or to focus on pitching and hitting. Use it to your/her advantage. A Sports Therapist suggested that to me once and while I found the idea abhorrent, I came to see that she has opportunities to play ball the entire year outside of HS and it might be better for her.

I started looking into Track and Field and came to realize she had some potential with Javelin and Discuss. Fortunately her situation has greatly improved since then and we never had to make the move. She loves softball and I will let her play as long as she wants, just so long as the coach doesn't mess with her head.