I really need parents AND coaches advise badly....new to forum.

[magalee]

My husband and I have never said anything to our daughter before or during a game until I tried to give her a helpful tip during warm up - the first and only time, by the way. I have watched the other pitcher's parent do this numerous times. We go the games and watch quietly from the stands during the game and when our daughter is warming up, and go home. The only time we have ever approached the coach about anything was when the pitching coach wanted me to inquire if he would work with her on a time as she had no later ones available, she said other students's coaches, that wanted their pitchers to keep their lessons, had worked with her during season practice hours once a week, so obviously she thought it was possible. And husband had to inform him of the dr.'s instructions about proper warm up. Thats it. We were obviously naive to the fact that we should have been afraid to speak to the coach about anything for fear of being "a problem parent". But you guys have made it very clear that all the above is being "over involved".

Those are the only times we have spoke with him about anything and have never complained about playing time or anything else. No matter the criticism here, it is not o.k. for coach's to let some parents give their child helpful tips during warm up on a regular basis because the parent hangs out with the coach on weekends, and be rude to another child's parent that does it one time. If you think things like that don't affect the kids you are wrong. Yes, I'm sure a coach can do anything he wants but there should be some integrity there also. I know several people that won't allow their kids to even play school sports here because of the politics involved. At least we are trying to deal with it.

 

[obbay]

Politics Sux. In HS sports and activities. - DD is also in the marching band but gets ignored in favor of the director's pet students. I see the same thing happen to kids in Basketball. Same thing in Softball.

Just so you know, what happened to you could have happened to any of us. it's an unreasonable situation, so what do you do? We're just saying that based on what you've told us, it sounds like the problem is the coach. Based on our experiences, it appears that in that un-winnable situation you will need to give him a wide berth in order not to interfere with your DD's career on the team. Either that or you could leave the team in favor of something else until your TB season starts.

she can still play, but remember it's not a democracy. The Coach is the King and you have to learn to work with the system or become a victim of it.

 

[Screwball]

If all your pitchers need more than 15-20 minutes to warm up to pitch before the game, and then you decide to throw someone else who has already warmed up, you want her to throw for more than 15-20 minutes before you put her in? Don't you run the risk of the game ending? That's a lot of warm up. I would almost consider that a practice.

A pitcher should be able to warm up in 20 minutes. Stay warm between innings and be ready to go when needed.

I see no issue with two periods of full warm up as a goal, and you don't have to fire away as if you were paying for lesson time. With the time constraints and hubbub at a tourney, I never see too much warm up, only too little.

 

[Screwball]

My husband and I have never said anything to our daughter before or during a game until I tried to give her a helpful tip during warm up - the first and only time, by the way. I have watched the other pitcher's parent do this numerous times. We go the games and watch quietly from the stands during the game and when our daughter is warming up, and go home. The only time we have ever approached the coach about anything was when the pitching coach wanted me to inquire if he would work with her on a time as she had no later ones available, she said other students's coaches, that wanted their pitchers to keep their lessons, had worked with her during season practice hours once a week, so obviously she thought it was possible. And husband had to inform him of the dr.'s instructions about proper warm up. Thats it. We were obviously naive to the fact that we should have been afraid to speak to the coach about anything for fear of being "a problem parent". But you guys have made it very clear that all the above is being "over involved".

Those are the only times we have spoke with him about anything and have never complained about playing time or anything else. No matter the criticism here, it is not o.k. for coach's to let some parents give their child helpful tips during warm up on a regular basis because the parent hangs out with the coach on weekends, and be rude to another child's parent that does it one time. If you think things like that don't affect the kids you are wrong. Yes, I'm sure a coach can do anything he wants but there should be some integrity there also. I know several people that won't allow their kids to even play school sports here because of the politics involved. At least we are trying to deal with it.

The fact that other speeders speed does not get you, as an adult, off on your speeding, likewise with coaching from the stands. And asking for the private lesson off would make any coach mad. These are often in written policies the school makes you sign in order for your daughter to play softball.

The more you say you don't interfere or don't talk to the coach about anything, the more clear it is you are interfering, whether in body language, voice, etc., much like you saying (hypothetically) you did not eat a cookie, because you only took 2 bites from someone else's cookie. You do get to talk to the coach about the things the school policy allows you to, and playing time is usually not one of those, even if by implication.

With all due respect, why is your schedule more important than the team's schedule during practice? You are not the center of the team's universe.

 

[lawdawg]

Magalee-
I've coached my dd's on horrible rec ball teams, mediocre tb teams, elite tb teams and school ball. More importantly, they have and still play on teams that I do NOT coach. There is always an unacknowledged strain between winning games and player development. Most coaches try to balance those concerns at a level acceptable to the team. In most cases the school ball coach is doing a job, wants to keep her job or get a better job. Player development may not be their primary focus (our HS coach hasn't worked a skill drill in 7 years - she relies on select ball to stock her teams). She never has to rebuild she reloads every year.

All that being said - if you have never had to manage a team of 12-20 adolescent-over-achieving girls with parents, grand parents, former coaches, coaches of their other teams and others critiquing your every move - it's hard to understand how sensitive they are to some things and how callous they are to others. There is a great possibility (don't know for sure) that if the other parents on the team were asked to evaluate the treatment of your daughter they may have a different opinion. All I'm saying is to be objective, be fair, be empathetic (coaches, other players and parents) and most of all do what you think is best for your daughter in the long-run. I have used sports to teach my children many important life lessons over the years (i.e., the boss ain't always right but she always the boss, not everything is "fair," hard work, preparation and planning don't always equal success but give you the best chance, the best team doesn't always when, etc.).

I don't mean to preach - really wish you and your daughter the best - we are playing some 16u in LA this year maybe will see you around.

 

[magalee]

Wow Screwball, ya got me.......I think we are the center of the universe. You are so very wise and you scored extra points for rudeness. You're on a roll. There are several people on here that seem to thrive on smart alec remarks and accusations. Didn't your mama ever teach you any manners?

I appreciate the few people that seemed to understand or at least tell me their thoughts in a respectful way, so thanks for taking the time to reply. We'll handle things on our own.

 

[ecflyguy]

Magalee,

I can appreciate your frustration. I have a DD that decided she wanted to pitch because she thought it would be "fun." I told her that if she was serious, I would provide lessons. She did not understand how difficult it would be to pitch correctly since all she had seen up to then was rec ball. She started lessons in February, but she did not get to pitch her 1st game until April of the next year.

As a parent of a DD working to learn something (as well as spending money), our view of reality can be skewed greatly. I had a conflict of interest. As a coach, I understood that my daughter had not learned enough to pitch successfully that first season as she took quite while to grasp the necessity for good mechanics. The dad side of me wanted her to get in there during that first season as just a small reward for putting some of the work required to accomplish HER stated goal. The coach had opportunities to make it happen, but he didn't. (thank you coach!) 15 months was a long time for a dad to wait for any return on investment, but it was such a great lesson for both of us to learn. It will serve us both well in the future as we weave our way through this wonderful journey of girls FP.

I agree with you that the coach you have very well may be one of the bad ones; however, I also agree with others here that you sound very much like the common defensive parent that simply wants her DD to be individually successful. If you are this irritated about a simple issue such as being able to give instructive comments during a warm up session, then how much worse will it be when the issues become playing time, batting order, being pinch-hit for in a crucial game situation, or getting the hook from the head coach when you think it's not justified? The deeper the girls go, the more passionate we become as parents. That's just the plain truth! The passion is a good and awesome thing. That is the special part of the memories we are creating with our kids. However, we must handle that passion with responsibilty! I don't allow my DD say (or actually even think) mean or disrespectful things to or about an umpire, coach, or player even when it is justified. Shouldn't I as a parent model that same behavior.

Also, talking directly to the coach is not the only way you can be a distraction. If you are letting your DD, her teammates, or other parents around your HS program hear you say the things you saying in this thread, then I can guarantee your feelings are not a secret to the head coach.

Being a completely objective softball parent is hard, if not impossible. Trust me, I know it's hard to sit back when you see your DD working to achieve something and you think someone is unfairly blocking her progress. I have to remember to practice what I preach. I tell my DD to go out and play using all her knowledge and every ounce of effort she has, BUT let the coach be coach - even when you don't like it. "Your job is to play, his/her job is to coach." Life does not always give us what we think is fair. How we deal with these "unfair" circumstances, as parents or players, is most often a determining factor in our ability to achieve our ultimate goals.

Good luck to your DD and with your HS situation.

 

[Coach-n-Dad]

ecflyguy, you hit the nail on the head. Very well said.

 

[Coach-n-Dad]

If all your pitchers need more than 15-20 minutes to warm up to pitch before the game,

As a coach, I want to see my pitchers (minimum 2) warming up for 30-40 minutes before a game. 15-20 minute pregame warmup isn't enough to get "Game Ready".

and then you decide to throw someone else who has already warmed up, you want her to throw for more than 15-20 minutes before you put her in?

It may have been well over an hour since she warmed up, yes I want her to warm up again. 15-20 minutes should be sufficient if it is possible. If she is replacing an injured player she will at least have a couple of minutes to get ready.

Don't you run the risk of the game ending?

If I see that the pitcher in the circle MIGHT need to be replaced I have her backup throwing. It is a good idea to have your backup throwing during the 4th inning regardless of weather she will throw in the game at all!

That's a lot of warm up. I would almost consider that a practice.

30-40 minutes practice? Really?

A pitcher should be able to warm up in 20 minutes. Stay warm between innings and be ready to go when needed.

I do not agree

 

[Screwball]

Wow Screwball, ya got me.......I think we are the center of the universe. You are so very wise and you scored extra points for rudeness. You're on a roll. There are several people on here that seem to thrive on smart alec remarks and accusations. Didn't your mama ever teach you any manners?

I appreciate the few people that seemed to understand or at least tell me their thoughts in a respectful way, so thanks for taking the time to reply. We'll handle things on our own.

It is not rudeness, it is reality that the coach is not interested in your family's schedule or every explanation for whatever is holding your daughter back or not from attending practice, getting extra instruction outside or getting to play. I know my coach even now on my adult team and my coaches through softball were not interested in mine. You could say this same statement to me, and I would not think it rude, just the truth.