Daddyball-ism

[Ivy's Dad]

If you keep stats on your DD, it is a good idea to keep them to yourself.

I only tell my DD her stats when she asks to see them. My DD is her own worst critic, and often falls into the "my hitting is horrible" routine after she strikes out. A quick look at her stats is usually enough to get her out of her funk. She doesn't trust what I tell her, but she will trust the numbers.

 

[quincy]

Ivy's Dad

I liked and agreed with your 1st post, sorry I side tracked it.

 

[dd's catcher]

I agree that not many softball teams would exist without dads donating their time & energy. Been there ,done that. But when you step on that field the daddy hat must come off or you've just adopted 11 dds!! Spent 2yrs. (12u&14u) dealing w/headcoach daddyball. HC's DD and my DD 2 main pitchers not much difference between them, both had on days and off days.In 2yrs. DD pulled frm. mound 15+ times. Some were derserved (I'm not blind, others pitching the daylights out of it . HC's DD pulled 1 time,in a game that he told pitching coach to warm up DD for start only to change mind at coin toss. Reasons givin ,did'nt want opposing team to see same pitcher 3rd. time through batting order , two walked batters in row is one too many. But none of this applied to his DD. Pulled DD in last inning of 0-0 game then proceeded to intentionally walk next 3 batters on his DD . Lost on 4th walked batter. Never confronted HC because i've allways taught DD to be a team player and tried to lead by example. At end of season told HC it was time for a change and thankyou for everything & good luck next season ,then turned in uniforms.

 

[KevinC]

As others have already written rec ball wouldn't exist without dad-coaches. In travel ball the expenses, time commitment, and expectations are higher so I would expect people to be more sensitive to dad-coaches.

As a rec league coach I try to be fair with my DD but I think I tend to shortchange her a little to avoid any suspicion of favoritism. I had her batting in the middle of the order and was in the outfield 2 or 3 innings a game.

Last fall one of the assistants took over the team while I helped with my son's LL team. Our best players had moved up the 12U so my DD was now the team veteran. The coach had her playing more infield than I did and batting cleanup.

 

[alexander58]

There are a lot of layers to "daddy ball". My kids playing days are in the past. I coach other people's kids now. I consider it a huge advantage. So do the parents of my players. That being said, most of the coaches my kids had did a decent job of coaching their own kids fairly. As far as being objective about the abilities of one's daughter goes, it's just not in the DNA of 99% of parents. While I always helped coach my kids teams, I was only head coach one year, and that was rec league. Coaches/fathers are in a no win situation. Their relationship with their daughter will be the lightning rod for discontented players and parents. If the coaches' daughter misses a practice, the question will be "How come she's not here?" She also better be the best player on the field with the best attitude. The slightest bit of entitlement in her is magnified a thousand times.

 

[BB875]

Ok, all you "serious" TB coaches, I hope not to offend you here. But, I coach my DD#2 because no one else would step and do it. In our small town no one would get off their butt and start a "serious" TB team at the 10U level. So I had to if I wanted my kid to learn the sport outside of our pathetic rec league. Daddyball? You are a joke if you paint every TB coach that gets off the lawn chair and puts in 100s of hours to coach a team for their DD.

Talk about commitment? I have been to the NSCs 4 years in a row & paid for it myself. Every clinic or camp I could attend, I went to. I have bought thousands of dollars worth of equipment for the "team" out of my own pocket. All you "serious" 16U & 18U coaches must realize your gold level players started somewhere! You really think in rec ball? The 12U team I coach now I seriously will put up against any 12U team in our state or maybe your state.

Maybe your "daddyball" coach is an a-hole in addition to being a coach and father...My parents & I get along great because I am fair. My DD sits like anyone else and we agree that I am no longer "dad" when we leave the car.

By the way, one more sin...My DW is my assistant. Oh the humanity!

 

[Bishop]

Easy guys. You know there's no such thing as a good, respectable, knowledgeable and certainly not objective coach with a kid on the team. That damnable genetic link to one of the players is an Achilles heel that is the undoing without fault of otherwise intelligent , rational and generous people.

Every organization that wants to play travel tournaments needs to have paid coaches with no genetic affiliation or just play rec.

Sarcasticly Yours,
Bishop

 

[sluggers]

I agree that Daddies coaching do have a role at 12U and maybe 14U.

What Daddies do when coaching is to divide up playing time between his DD and some other players on the team. The parents on the team interpret this as "fair". The problem is that life isn't fair, and softball is definitely not fair.

So, the Daddy-Coaches have created an artificial world, where his DD's playing time is more or less at a fixed amount. E.g., if there are three pitchers, Daddy's DD will pitch 1 out of 3 games no matter what. In "the real world", the best play and everyone else sits. So, what should happen is that the best pitcher gets 60% of the game while the other players split the other 40% of the games.

Also, if you want your DD to be a really good player, you have to stop coaching her team. The sooner the better, unless you intend to start coaching her college team when she graduates from high school.

Here is the deal:

The most important skill in any sport is "how to get playing time". Unless a kid learns how to win playing time, she will not get on the field in college.

What do I mean? The real competition on a team is against the other players on the team, not against the other team. A player has to learn how to bury her competition for a position on her team. The player has to learn how to figure out what the coach wants, and how to exceed the coach's expectations.

If the DD is "good", a Daddy is doing a disservice to his DD by coaching her team after 14U. She has to learn how to compete for playing time. A Daddy isn't going to let that happen...he will be "fair", which to him means that his DD gets X amount of playing time, no matter if she is the best player on the team or the worst player on the team. Her playing time is pre-determined.

What parents call "fair" is that the coaches DD doesn't get more playing time than some other player. That is not the way the world is, and it certainly is not the way softball is. In softball, the best players play, the lesser players watch the best players play.

we agree that I am no longer "dad" when we leave the car.

Why is this good? Also, do you really believe that she doesn't know you are "dad" and that she is "DD"?

 

[starsnuffer]

I agree with Ray. If your daughter really is good, and she has college aspirations, you're only hurting her by continuing to coach her. Ask college coaches what turns them off the most about prospects, and the answer will be attitude and parents. In addition, since daddy coaches generally do not have experience dealing with college coaches and scouts, how can they expect their daughter to get a fair shake when the "other" organization has years of history, practice, and successful college placements dealing with college programs?

On top of all of this, we're parents so we can prepare our children for life ahead of them. At some point we have to start letting go. Isn't it better to let go as a coach knowing one's daughter still has a parent to turn to just in case rather then giving up on being a parent in order to be a coach?


-W

 

[coachtucc]

Seems to me that some places no one wants to coach while other places too many people want to coach...I don't even have a daughter but I want to caoch..i am HS asst and wonm a Long Island Championship as an assistant.....yet when I coached one team, the dad (who was my asst)wouldn't stop questioning (in a bad way) what I was doing and threw tantrums so I walked away!! Yet I still long to coach but on Long Island there just doesn't seem to be any opening and I don't have the money to start my own (forget that there are too many teams anyway)