What would you do? teammate using drugs and drinking

[Jquick823]

If you DD spills milk on the kitchen floor and doesn't clean it up does the milk go away? It's like the movie Big Daddy you can't cover it with newspaper and wait for someone else to clean up the mess. It's not your mess? Well neither is your kids spilt milk but you damn sure helped them clean it. To many people in America today not stepping up and getting involved with raising kids. I monitor every players instagram on my team. I've had fellow DFP posters say it's borderline stalking and harassment, I've talked to a girl on the team and her parents about her lightly hinted suicide letter on instagram and to a player and her parents about how a 13 year old was struggling between having her boyfriends baby or punching him in the mouth. Kids will say and do the cutest things. My take on what I do in life and where I step in is if I could live with the potential outcome. So can any of you live with doing nothing if this girl ends up dead or in prison? Can any of you live with a family hating you for being nosey and interfering? I can live with a few more people not liking me over a KID making decisions they probably don't know what the final outcome is going to be.

The world of "it won't happen to me" "I'm not addicted" is fantasy, eventually it will happen to you. We are adults entrusted to protect the youth and raise them accordingly. If you disagree that's fine, if you agree that's fine also but doing nothing is about as bad as giving them the drugs and alcohol in the first place.

 

[JJS]

You do nothing. What kids do in their personal time is up to their parents and the kids. Don't be the moral police for the softball team.

Well, I hope that a parent/coach/player on one of my kid's teams would come up to me and talk about their actions if/when they ever get caught up in a behavior that is detrimental to themselves. It is hard enough being a parent. I don't need someone knowing something detrimental about one of my kids and not sharing their concerns because they don't want to interfere or be the "bad guy".

 

[AndyS]

This is really an interesting thread. And I have a complete contradiction in my views. I do not think as a parent I would go to the parents unless I knew them well or coach with the issue. But on the other hand I would want parents coming to me if any of my kids had an issue. I do monitor their social media but if I missed something I would want it brought to me asap. How is that for not making sense?

Just a quick story. Talk about coaches getting involved. In high school I broke up with a girl in a not so pleasant way. Somehow my football coaches found out and suffice it to say that I ended up apologizing to the girl and understood that was not the way we did things. So the role of a coach can be very constructive in kid's lives and I can guarantee my coaches had ZERO problem stepping in on any issue if they felt you were out of line.

 

[Rocketech1]

Well, I hope that a parent/coach/player on one of my kid's teams would come up to me and talk about their actions if/when they ever get caught up in a behavior that is detrimental to themselves. It is hard enough being a parent. I don't need someone knowing something detrimental about one of my kids and not sharing their concerns because they don't want to interfere or be the "bad guy".

In my mind, there is a BIG difference between going to the parents directly and discreetly and letting them know what YOU THINK is going on versus telling a SOFTBALL COACH what a player may or might not be doing on their own personal time. IMO, it's none of the coaches business what my DD is doing away from the softball fields.

 

[riseball]

In my mind, there is a BIG difference between going to the parents directly and discreetly and letting them know what YOU THINK is going on versus telling a SOFTBALL COACH what a player may or might not be doing on their own personal time. IMO, it's none of the coaches business what my DD is doing away from the softball fields.

Although if I am providing a recommendation to a college coach regarding said player with regard to their ability and character, and their conduct off the field reflects poorly on me or our organization it then becomes my business. These expectations are regularly and clearly communicated so there should be no surprise when I ask for a face to face meeting. Unless the conduct is so egregious that we cannot move forward, there is an opportunity to cure the issue, learn from it, and move on.

 

[ScottyDont]

If it was my kid I'd want someone to tell me. If someone told the coach instead of me, I'd be mad enough to find them and give them a piece of my mind or worse. Let the parents dictate the consequences of their kid's behavior before you go running to a person of authority.

 

[CoreSoftball20]

If you DD spills milk on the kitchen floor and doesn't clean it up does the milk go away? It's like the movie Big Daddy you can't cover it with newspaper and wait for someone else to clean up the mess. It's not your mess? Well neither is your kids spilt milk but you damn sure helped them clean it.

Because its your dd and her mess so you help clean. You dont go over to somebody else's house, accuse their child of making a mess, and look for it to clean when there may be no
mess.
The problem with this world is too many people like to mind others peoples business under
the mask of caring and feel they are entitled to do what they want without thinking first about
what their actions might cause.

Only my opinion though

 

[Coachmom]

The world of "it won't happen to me" "I'm not addicted" is fantasy, eventually it will happen to you. We are adults entrusted to protect the youth and raise them accordingly. If you disagree that's fine, if you agree that's fine also but doing nothing is about as bad as giving them the drugs and alcohol in the first place.

I'm not sure why I am responding this post because it is illogical in its entirety but these last 3 sentences are hyperbolic in the extreme.
I hope you don't expect the grown adults on this board to take seriously.

 

[Rocketech1]

Although if I am providing a recommendation to a college coach regarding said player with regard to their ability and character, and their conduct off the field reflects poorly on me or our organization it then becomes my business. These expectations are regularly and clearly communicated so there should be no surprise when I ask for a face to face meeting. Unless the conduct is so egregious that we cannot move forward, there is an opportunity to cure the issue, learn from it, and move on.

It's pretty simple. You share with the college coach YOUR experience with the player when you have been coaching her such as she is a great fielder, good teammate, takes instruction well, clutch at the plate with runners in scoring position, etc. You shouldn't be discussing things with college coaches that could be heresy and rumors for all anyone knows.

 

[riseball]

It's pretty simple. You share with the college coach YOUR experience with the player when you have been coaching her such as she is a great fielder, good teammate, takes instruction well, clutch at the plate with runners in scoring position, etc. You shouldn't be discussing things with college coaches that could be heresy and rumors for all anyone knows.

I am sure you meant hearsay as religious speech is certainly off limits. My comments were in the context of incontrovertible evidence such as a post on Facebook or other social media, and its impact to a showcase team where such behavior places the reputation of coaches and the organization at risk. To your point were someone to come to me with hearsay, rumor, or innuendo the conversation would not be well received.