With some of the recent posts about sports psychology and teaching kids to win, I thought I'd share what I think was an insight for me this weekend -
My DD is on a new team, which finished 2nd in a tournament last weekend. Lot of close games, the c'ship came down to an international tiebreaker. I can't remember seeing my DD want to win as much as she did last weekend. She made the best catch of her life at one key point, and I honestly think it was 10 percent skill and 90 percent desire. She just did not want to lose. No way she was going to let that ball drop. First time she's ever laid out and caught a ball, did it on the run in CF.
Last season, she played for a coach who preached teamwork. He constantly told the kids to cheer in the dugout, to high five, to be together as a team throughout the tournament, be loud, always show energy. Rah-rah-rah.
So my DD says to me after this weekend, to the effect that, 'My old team cheered and had energy, but it was fake. We did it because we were coached to do it. We wanted to win because the coach was so competitive that we didn't want to let him down and make him disappointed in us. We played in fear of making mistakes and losing.'
With the new team, the desire to win, IMO, has little to being taught to win. It's about relationships with the players and the coaches. They like and care about each other in a way that the other team didn't. Several of them go to the same school. They're friends on and off the field. They wanted my DD on the team partly b/c of her playing ability, but at least as much for the mere fact that they liked her and wanted to be her teammate. The previous team wasn't bad. It was probably typical. She liked the players, and they liked her, but there wasn't the same level of loyalty, unconditional regard that she gets from this team.
Now, to my point. People here have talked about how too many travel players don't care that much if they win, or don't know how to win. Kids want to win, but their need for loyalty and acceptance is greater in most cases, IMO. Why? Because what does it mean to win? Unless it's something you share with teammates that you like, and who like you as a person, not just a player, then there's no real meaning it. It's hollow. If you feel like you'll be replaced as soon as the team can find a better hitter or fielder, that the team has no loyalty to you, then how can you be loyal to them? The desire to win, at least in the case of my DD, comes from a sense of belonging, camaraderie, sisterhood, something that I can't exactly put a finger on. It has less to do with exerting superiority and feeling better than someone else and more to do with TEAM and WE and US. We're in this together. These are my buds, and I'm sticking up for them.
How you develop that intangible on a showcase or cut-throat travel team is beyond me. No wonder they don't want or know how to win. For many of these teams, it's fake.
Makes me wonder if coaches who are trying to teach their kids to win might be going about it the wrong way.
My DD is on a new team, which finished 2nd in a tournament last weekend. Lot of close games, the c'ship came down to an international tiebreaker. I can't remember seeing my DD want to win as much as she did last weekend. She made the best catch of her life at one key point, and I honestly think it was 10 percent skill and 90 percent desire. She just did not want to lose. No way she was going to let that ball drop. First time she's ever laid out and caught a ball, did it on the run in CF.
Last season, she played for a coach who preached teamwork. He constantly told the kids to cheer in the dugout, to high five, to be together as a team throughout the tournament, be loud, always show energy. Rah-rah-rah.
So my DD says to me after this weekend, to the effect that, 'My old team cheered and had energy, but it was fake. We did it because we were coached to do it. We wanted to win because the coach was so competitive that we didn't want to let him down and make him disappointed in us. We played in fear of making mistakes and losing.'
With the new team, the desire to win, IMO, has little to being taught to win. It's about relationships with the players and the coaches. They like and care about each other in a way that the other team didn't. Several of them go to the same school. They're friends on and off the field. They wanted my DD on the team partly b/c of her playing ability, but at least as much for the mere fact that they liked her and wanted to be her teammate. The previous team wasn't bad. It was probably typical. She liked the players, and they liked her, but there wasn't the same level of loyalty, unconditional regard that she gets from this team.
Now, to my point. People here have talked about how too many travel players don't care that much if they win, or don't know how to win. Kids want to win, but their need for loyalty and acceptance is greater in most cases, IMO. Why? Because what does it mean to win? Unless it's something you share with teammates that you like, and who like you as a person, not just a player, then there's no real meaning it. It's hollow. If you feel like you'll be replaced as soon as the team can find a better hitter or fielder, that the team has no loyalty to you, then how can you be loyal to them? The desire to win, at least in the case of my DD, comes from a sense of belonging, camaraderie, sisterhood, something that I can't exactly put a finger on. It has less to do with exerting superiority and feeling better than someone else and more to do with TEAM and WE and US. We're in this together. These are my buds, and I'm sticking up for them.
How you develop that intangible on a showcase or cut-throat travel team is beyond me. No wonder they don't want or know how to win. For many of these teams, it's fake.
Makes me wonder if coaches who are trying to teach their kids to win might be going about it the wrong way.
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