Last High School Game for a 2022; Need to Vent

[GoGamecocks]

Thanks, Scooter. You have great people skills.

less snark. more think.

 

[JumboJack]

It’s all starting to make sense now.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[kennykozman!!]

I haven't told this story here, but maybe it will make some context for the Op.

This was my DD's senior year. She had gotten two letters but barely played Varsity the previous two years. We had a conflict with the coach last year, took it to the AD, the principal, the district. Nothing happened. She planned to play this year -- did the voluntary summer drills, sometimes as the only senior there. She even ran a few of them.

Tryouts come, and she hits the ball well, fields well. But on the last day, the coach tells her and two other seniors that they won't really be a part of the team, that they might not dress for many games, that they won't go on road trips or to the playoffs, but if they want to stay on the team under those circumstances, they can. One of those girls was the starting 3B for two years. She gives them. couple of days to think about it, but to text her and let her know their decision by Friday.

DD and the other girls are devastated. Been with the team for three years, like I said one was a varsity starter and the other and my DD shared JV MVPs last year. Done all they'd been asked to do. And now, before their senior year, they're told that th coach doesn't really want to cut them, but they won't really be part of the team. She's got freshmen she wants to give PT to. All three decide not to come back. But Friday afternoon, the other seniors on the team beg them to return. it's not fun with out them there, that they'll make sure they have a good time. This is their senior year -- they've all been playing together in one form or another for a decade -- and it wouldn't feel right for them to not be a part of the team.

DD texts the coach, says she wants to come back. One of the other girls does, too. Coach doesn't respond. All weekend, the coach doesn't respond. DD texted again Saturday and Sunday. Coach never wrote back.

DD goes to practice. Coach tells her she texted too late Friday, and it was too late. My daughter sat there before practice begging, and this coach said no. So my daughter didn't play her senior year, didn't get a senior day, none of that stuff. So it goes.

I tell this for two reasons.. The first is some high school coaches operate with a different level of morality than most of us. I covered them for a long time as a reporter and I've never understood the cruel delight some of them display in tormenting teenagers. Your DD's coach might not have meant to hurt your daughter, but she might have. The same coach didn't let her senior catcher hit on senior day. Sometimes they're just nasty people who take a gig no one else really wants and that very few people care about.

And the second is, that even though this happened to my daughter, it didn't sour her on her experience. It took a while, but this coach won't take away all of her positive feelings about playing the sport she's loved. She's gathering up her travel team and some pals and they're playing a Halloween tourney in a couple of weeks, then maybe some comp ball before she got off to college and the rest of her life. I know it stings for your daughter right now, but the great/terrible thing about this time is things are changing, and by the time May rolls around, my guess is she won't give this a second thought.

Very sorry it happened, though. it does suck.

You went to the AD, then the principal and then district about a conflict with the HS coach? You don't mention the nature of the conflict but I know a few coaches that would essentially eliminate your DD from the roster not to go thru that again. I am truly sorry that situation presented itself. It sounds terrible.

 

[kennykozman!!]

I am sorry, but I could not disagree with this more. Even in high school at the varsity level you play the best players.

I coach at a small school and have had a freshman start more years than not. These players are usually 4 year starters. There is currently a player in our program that will be a senior this coming season that has not started single varsity game in the last three years. She will not be cut or asked to leave or forced out. She will be a part of the team. I was also very honest with her at the end of last season that we wanted her to be apart of the team but I would not guarantee her any playing time. She told me, "that's all I want to be a part of the team because we will win."

I then told her that I will make one promise. She will start on senior night and it does not mater who we are playing or when. That is when I got the smile that all coaches enjoy. There are other seniors that I told (again, at the end of last season) that they would be competing for a starting position. I really feel they all knew it but I made sure.
I would never cut a player that has given our program three years but they are never given a starting spot just because they are seniors.

This is great! I think you get the best of both worlds by playing the talent and respecting the kids in your program that are less talented. I wish more coaches were up front and honest like this. Some kids would probably quit without playing time but this one is a keeper.

 

[MoJo]

Coach sounds pretty shitty. Glad my DD doesn't play for that coach. If the coach is as bad as written about, the athletic director for the school/district should get a note from all that feel that way.

Life lessons here too. Life goes on and not all is fair. Lots more times to interact with shitty people.

 

[Westwind]

One of the (many) reasons hs sports can be so poorly executed is that parents can’t afford to give feedback while their kids are playing. They blackball players for less. Not just talking about playing time, I’m also talking about all of the local grants and scholarships that the school has input on handing out at the end of senior year.

They also wear you down. When your kids graduate and they have nothing to hold over your head, parents just want to be done with it. Some of the parents that lived through it could give some pretty helpful input but the school could not be less interested and the parents are glad that that bad dream is over.

Mediocrity just continues to abound. They keep getting away with it as the generations come and go.

These same administrators coaches and talking heads then yap in meetings about “parent and community engagement” after they spend 12 years making parents feel like asses for trying to help in any way EXCEPT fund raising and writing checks. (And this is why I should be protesting my property taxes every year, lol)

There are some very smart and successful people in every community that really could help school districts in a plethora of ways. That’s not what they want though. They want coaches they can keep their thumbs on. And they want to be able to spend the money on the sub .500 football team without anyone complaining about it.

 

[PapaBear]

I haven't told this story here, but maybe it will make some context for the Op.

This was my DD's senior year. She had gotten two letters but barely played Varsity the previous two years. We had a conflict with the coach last year, took it to the AD, the principal, the district. Nothing happened. She planned to play this year -- did the voluntary summer drills, sometimes as the only senior there. She even ran a few of them.

Tryouts come, and she hits the ball well, fields well. But on the last day, the coach tells her and two other seniors that they won't really be a part of the team, that they might not dress for many games, that they won't go on road trips or to the playoffs, but if they want to stay on the team under those circumstances, they can. One of those girls was the starting 3B for two years. She gives them. couple of days to think about it, but to text her and let her know their decision by Friday.

DD and the other girls are devastated. Been with the team for three years, like I said one was a varsity starter and the other and my DD shared JV MVPs last year. Done all they'd been asked to do. And now, before their senior year, they're told that th coach doesn't really want to cut them, but they won't really be part of the team. She's got freshmen she wants to give PT to. All three decide not to come back. But Friday afternoon, the other seniors on the team beg them to return. it's not fun with out them there, that they'll make sure they have a good time. This is their senior year -- they've all been playing together in one form or another for a decade -- and it wouldn't feel right for them to not be a part of the team.

DD texts the coach, says she wants to come back. One of the other girls does, too. Coach doesn't respond. All weekend, the coach doesn't respond. DD texted again Saturday and Sunday. Coach never wrote back.

DD goes to practice. Coach tells her she texted too late Friday, and it was too late. My daughter sat there before practice begging, and this coach said no. So my daughter didn't play her senior year, didn't get a senior day, none of that stuff. So it goes.

I tell this for two reasons.. The first is some high school coaches operate with a different level of morality than most of us. I covered them for a long time as a reporter and I've never understood the cruel delight some of them display in tormenting teenagers. Your DD's coach might not have meant to hurt your daughter, but she might have. The same coach didn't let her senior catcher hit on senior day. Sometimes they're just nasty people who take a gig no one else really wants and that very few people care about.

And the second is, that even though this happened to my daughter, it didn't sour her on her experience. It took a while, but this coach won't take away all of her positive feelings about playing the sport she's loved. She's gathering up her travel team and some pals and they're playing a Halloween tourney in a couple of weeks, then maybe some comp ball before she got off to college and the rest of her life. I know it stings for your daughter right now, but the great/terrible thing about this time is things are changing, and by the time May rolls around, my guess is she won't give this a second thought.

Very sorry it happened, though. it does suck.

"All three decide not to come back"

When given the option to stay and be part of the team in a limited capacity all three decided to walk away. Coach gave them the option to stay and was upfront, not sure the coach is at fault the way you laid it out. Each team is different, each experience is different and how each player handles adversity is different. We have players that could fill two rosters for varsity. Over the last few years, we have had older players lose spots to younger players, we've had older players split time, we've had older players quit before the season started, we've had younger players quit right before the season because of competition. We've had players not make the team their FR year, make it their Soph year and get cut their JR year. We've had travel players move in from national brands used to being the top player at their old school to being a role player/starter/flex last year. That player will be playing D1 next year but chose not to come back her SR year because of competing with another D1 kid who overtook her spot in the end (red flag for college). We had a FR quit after the season due to not being happy as the backup for another year, a soph pitcher quit, a soph pitcher transfer. Long story short, compete nothing is given. Some schools lack talent and that model of "you waited your turn" works because they know they are there to collect a supplement income and maybe win a few games. Hate that this was your daughters experience and how it ended, we all want our girls to have the best experience possible

 

[whiporee]

When given the option to stay and be part of the team in a limited capacity all three decided to walk away. Coach gave them the option to stay and was upfront, not sure the coach is at fault the way you laid it out.

You'd have a point, but you overlooked the part where the coach told them they could have until Friday to decide, two of them did say they were coming back by Friday, and the coach ignored their texts saying so over the weekend (despite the coach saying that was the best way to contact her). Then when they tried to come back for the next practice, the coach said no.

It doesn't matter -- that was actually the point I was trying to make to OP. DD never planned on playing scholarship college ball, and the freedom of not worrying about that has let her open to colleges she could have never played at. Acceptances are starting to come in -- not playing softball has given her time to get applications done, and she's been assistant coaching a 10U team in fall ball.

And the team has been winning, but no one likes each other. The girls are ready for it to be over -- the coach alienated her senior class by not allowing their teammates to come back, and they tell DD they just want to season to end.

 

[tim_s]

I am sorry, but I could not disagree with this more. Even in high school at the varsity level you play the best players.

I coach at a small school and have had a freshman start more years than not. These players are usually 4 year starters. There is currently a player in our program that will be a senior this coming season that has not started single varsity game in the last three years. She will not be cut or asked to leave or forced out. She will be a part of the team. I was also very honest with her at the end of last season that we wanted her to be apart of the team but I would not guarantee her any playing time. She told me, "that's all I want to be a part of the team because we will win."

I then told her that I will make one promise. She will start on senior night and it does not mater who we are playing or when. That is when I got the smile that all coaches enjoy. There are other seniors that I told (again, at the end of last season) that they would be competing for a starting position. I really feel they all knew it but I made sure.
I would never cut a player that has given our program three years but they are never given a starting spot just because they are seniors.

nailed it, agree 100%

best players play

my DD's have been in both situations......both stared softball as a freshman, one will graduate this year having been a 2 year, would have been 3 year if not for COVID, captain......she has been a 2 year captain in FH......leaders are leaders, age isn't always an indicator of that

DD2 has been stuck on a soccer team with the play the seniors over the younger players regardless of talent or effort, and that's created nothing but issues for not only DD but the team as well.....

 

[PapaBear]

You'd have a point, but you overlooked the part where the coach told them they could have until Friday to decide, two of them did say they were coming back by Friday, and the coach ignored their texts saying so over the weekend (despite the coach saying that was the best way to contact her). Then when they tried to come back for the next practice, the coach said no.

Was a time given on Friday, seems there are missing pieces? Or just assumed by 11:59PM. After going back and rereading it again, there’s more to the issues then being presented if you had to go to the AD, Principle and District. Unless they are doing something that puts he kids in danger, stealing money or unethical it sounds like those above the coach supported the coach. Easy to vent one side of the story as the right side of the story. AD/Principle might of told the coach this was the best way to handle things and the coach is protecting the kid because of the past issues that are not being told. Just an observation with what is being given.