Last High School Game for a 2022; Need to Vent

[Westwind]

Definitely sounds well handled.

And as long as they aren’t stealing or abusing, keep up the good work!!!

Sounds like the kind of coaching that the players will never forget.

Slogan suggestion for the school: “Inspiring Young Adults To Be Their Best.”

“XXXXX High School, Where Students Come First“ is probably already taken.

 

[Cannonball]

As a coach, and now former coach, I am too close to situations like this and fresh off of a season. I am sorry that the OP's DD had a bad experience. Regardless of what a coach does today, every coach has to accept that they impact lives both positively and negatively. In a few weeks, I might start a different thread along these lines. I'm too sour right now to do so.

 

[Westwind]

CB, I’d love to hear about your experiences.

I have a thread I’m going to post when I have time that relates to school districts refusing the kind of help they should be out soliciting from their own community. It was volleyball not softball but it is pretty damn irritating.

I’m always entertained by the jr. high parents on these posts that have no idea what might be coming for DD’s when they hit the sheep sheet that is hs.

 

[Tatonka]

Some coaches will continue in their role despite being complete pieces of dog feces (no offense to canines intended) due to the attitude on display and being endorsed repeatedly by some here. Bury your head, suffer through and don't make waves seems to be the answer. Why is it so hard to get your heads around the idea that NO ONE should be above reproach? Coaches, players, parents, AD's, Teachers, Bosses, Politicians, etc, etc... I'm not advocating for unfettered and unfounded access to those in charge but people need to be held accountable. When there is a clear problem or issue , why is the advice so often to grin and bear it? I'm not referring to the the day to day, game time decisions but larger issues like basic decency, respectful treatment, abusive behaviors, negative cultures, etc.. And certainly their are teachable moments and ways to handle many of these things that don't involve an entitled, helicopter parent storming in to the Principals office firing off accusations without their kid even trying to handle it on their own. I do understand, people are busy, it's only a kids sport (or worse, when someone actually says it's only a girls sport), it'll be over soon and the kid will graduate and move on or any other rationalization we use to avoid getting involved and speaking up. However, there are some things that happen or are said by coaches on that field that their is no way in hell I want my kid(s) to suffer through in silence and I am extremely proud of them when they show leadership and fight for their rights and the rights of their teammates.

Geez people, we are all (maybe not all) on this board because of a sport that we have some affinity for...we don't all have to agree on everything (wouldn't that be boring) but try to show a bit of compassion and possible understanding every now and then. If you can't read a whole post to get the info correct and just feel a need to piss on someone then you, yourself should examine piss off!

 

[radness]

You can have whatever opinions you want. What you can't have is empathy, because it's not something you've ever been through. You're projecting your experience into a situation you only understand part of.

If you've never had someone jerk around or hurt your kid, you don't know what it's like to have someone jerk around or hurt your kid. And that's fine -- you don't have to know everything -- but if you're trying to tell a parent that this is no big deal or just part of life, you're doing so without any experience in the matter.

The OP was upset that her daughter was hurt IN HER LAST GAME because of a coach's decision, and the majority of this thread has been people justifying the coach's decision. That's much easier to do if it hasn't been your kid on the bad end of that decision.

Cant have empathy?!
Oh my!

Your saying ALL people who dont have their own kids cant have empathy now...

Over the top of one person telling others what they cannot do.

Just puts this entire chat room into bleek perspective.
When posters want to override what others can do.
Actually its kinda sad to ignor the fact that empathy is learned and endured in many ways.

Glad i can have empathy for you!

 

[radness]

Ummm, well how do you interpret this from the OP earlier today as well as her initial post describing this evolving situation?
"What was described by way of context and as background was that my DD has gone from being the starting catcher for every game last year (and being chosen for 1st Team All-Region) to being a very occasional fill-in for catcher."

JayW, you may have felt I was responding just to you with my last post. I wasn't. My comment about defending every coach in every scenario was a generalization of what occurs on DFP quite frequently not this specific example. Capisce?

The devide is generally
Those that think high school is an equal playing time opportunity that seniors get preference.
( which is not equal)

Or

Team plays starting 9 to win.

Thats it.

Oh and for some lots of emotional attachment to their senior babies about to leave the nest.
*empathy, not snarky

 

[Tatonka]

Cant have empathy?!
Oh my!

Your saying ALL people who dont have their own kids cant have empathy now...

Over the top of one person telling others what they cannot do.

Just puts this entire chat room into bleek perspective.
When posters want to override what others can do.
Actually its pathetic to ignor the fact that empathy is learned and endured in many ways.

Glad i can have empathy for you!

Turbo - I'm going to hazard a guess here that this is an issue of semantics more than anything. An older definition or understanding of empathy would lead to that type of statement. Whip...what say you?

 

[radness]

Turbo - I'm going to hazard a guess here that this is an issue of semantics more than anything. An older definition or understanding of empathy would lead to that type of statement. Whip...what say you?

Empathy the ability to recognize the emotions of another and share in that understanding.

I will agree I do not know what it's like to have a baby of my own.

However I have certainly learned what suffering and pain is. Have learned what joy and elation is.

Maybe what happens to people that have babies is some lose the ability to have diverse perspective and seem to get narrow-minded and focus on their baby and not the entire picture.

That may be something? That's just an opinion of watching a bunch of people who have babies interact in softball.
Hmmm isnt there something called parent goggles... apparently that might be real. Lol
Or maybe thats not funny!


Enjoy!!!

 

[ang2bmd]

I haven't posted here in a while. My wife, who is the OP, suggested that I read this. It's a little frustrating to read through all of this. Half of the people are sympathetic, and half of the people are just being belligerent.

OP/Wife wrote this to vent. But let me offer some perspective, being a member of the "dad squad" mentioned way up in the posts here.

FIRST THE FACTS
First, this is a very good, but young team. There are two seniors, our daughter who is committed to a D3 school, and a super-talented senior SS who is committed to Michigan. We also have a junior 2B who is committed to BC. Daughter has played with girls on this school team who are playing at College of Charleston, UNC-G, Boston University and UVA. We've seen lots of talent.

As long as we're talking about actual facts, this year our daughter batted .311 Her OBPS was .940. Her average is probably 6th best on the team. On base was probably 5th best, and OBPS was 4th. She is one of three kids to hit HRs this year (the other two are those two D1 commits). She either strikes out or hits long fly balls. Her hits are usually doubles because she runs like a catcher. Her hit in the penultimate game struck the CF fence about two feet from the top and shot back to the middle of the outfield so it was a single.

NOW ON TO OPINION
The freshman who has displaced our daughter at catcher has a rocket arm - much stronger throwing arm than my daughter's. But until the very last game of the year (the one we're talking about here), no catcher on the team had a CS. Aside from the arm, our daughter is a much better catcher in every respect. Framing/blocking/managing the pitcher/managing the umpire. She knows when to call for time. She knows when to go to the circle. Freshman does none of that. The team plays better as a unit when our daughter is on the field. Every time. Better defense. Better offense.

But whatever - coaches gonna coach. The problem which my wife didn't really articulate very well is that the crucial season-long coaching error here is at 3B. 3B is a huge liability to the team. She's a freshman, too. Cannot field sharply-hit balls, and cannot make a consistent throw to 1B. Leads the teams in errors - almost all of them on throws to 1B - one in the dirt, one into the dugout. Over and over again. The 3B's backup is the freshman catcher. So this is getting into some 3-D chess, but coach can solve all of her infield problems by moving freshman C to 3B, moving our daughter behind the plate, and putting the current 3B at DP (she has a good bat). It was the obvious solution, and the coach actually played that configuration several times over the season, and those were our best defensive games. The coach just couldn't see it. This is not an exaggeration - she didn't see it.

So with all of this as backdrop, we enter into this final series that we have to win. Our daughter, who had been a leader on the field, in the dugout, and in the locker room all season long gets pulled in her very last at bat so a sophomore with four hits on the season could ground out into a double play. There's nothing about this situation that isn't sh!tty. It was a horrible thing to do to the senior. It was a horrible thing to do to the sophomore who came in to pinch hit. And it was a horrible thing to do to the team.

That's dad's perspective. And if you're inclined to suggest that "his daughter just probably wasn't that good" send me a DM, and I'll send you video clips and whole game videos that will prove you wrong on that score.

Thank you for the rest of the details. It certainly does sound like a very poor coaching decision and I'm really sorry your daughter was caught up in it. I'm going to hope for the sake of good humans that it wasn't an intentional slight and just a really bad choice. Is your coach young and inexperienced or old and stubbornness? Best of luck to your dd in college

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk

 

[whiporee]

Was a time given on Friday, seems there are missing pieces? Or just assumed by 11:59PM. After going back and rereading it again, there’s more to the issues then being presented if you had to go to the AD, Principle and District. Unless they are doing something that puts he kids in danger, stealing money or unethical it sounds like those above the coach supported the coach. Easy to vent one side of the story as the right side of the story. AD/Principle might of told the coach this was the best way to handle things and the coach is protecting the kid because of the past issues that are not being told. Just an observation with what is being given.

Wasn't a time given, DD reached out Friday afternoon, after her teammates asked her to come back.

As for the other stuff, the basics are this -- coach berated Dd for 10 minutes, insulting her intelligence and cognitive abilities. DD came home devastated. Was going to let it go, but two other parents called me that night to tell me their DDs came home and told them about how over-the-top the coach was. We tried to contact the coach, she didn't respond all day. Talked to her assistant who said that there had been a "spirited conversation." DW went to practice to talk to the coach; the AD was there, asked her why and then wanted to meet with both of them. Coach denied anything had happened at all -- that she never even raised her voice.

You can believe all you want, but you can't have adults telling young girls that things they know happened didn't happen. If the coach said she overreacted, it's the end of the story. But sending a message to teenage girls that they are not to be believed is a message I can't tolerate. It's how girls end up in abusive relationships; it's why they don't report rapes. So that's why we went further. Principal immediately sent to the county, county could not corroborate DD's story. I've got the screenshots of the team all making sure they got their stories straight. The one girl who did not agree to go along with the story -- she just said she'd tell the truth -- was one of the other seniors who was treated the way DD was. And that girl had been the starting 3B for two years.

One thing that has stood out to me through this thread is a misunderstanding about high school coaching. High schools are community assets. High school practice and playing fields are community assets. Teams aren't fiefdom's that coaches can run however they want. They aren't allowed to be punitive. They shouldn't be allowed to sacrifice the class of '22 to better prepare the class of '24. This idea of a coach as absolute authority is silly; you wouldn't allow any other educator to decide a kid's experience on their own whims. Why would we allow it of a high school coach?