Last High School Game for a 2022; Need to Vent

[JayW]

This thread is not about mistreatment. It’s about parents thinking they know better than the coach about who should play where. (And maybe they do - but does that even matter?)

Is the coach supposed to take a straw poll of the crowd before drawing up a lineup or making a substitution? Does anyone here think the coach in this thread made the last substitution because she was trying to lose the game or didn’t care about the outcome of the game? If her strategy had succeeded, the DD would have had a whole new ballgame of AB’s.

I doubt anyone on this thread who has been a coach listens to the parents when making game decisions. Instead, that coach does what they think is right based on their own experience and knowledge.

Every season some girls and parents are going to be disappointed. First, you have the girls who are cut. Then you have the division between starters and non-starters. Then you have girls thinking they should be playing a different position or pitchers thinking they should be #1. You can’t make everyone happy.

Interestingly, I don’t see OP showing any empathy for the 3B that he keeps throwing under the bus. He would have been thrilled to see her benched. I’m pretty sure she’s somebody’s DD also.

OK, I’m done.

 

[CMMom1740]

This thread is not about mistreatment. It’s about parents thinking they know better than the coach about who should play where. (And maybe they do - but does that even matter?)

Is the coach supposed to take a straw poll of the crowd before drawing up a lineup or making a substitution? Does anyone here think the coach in this thread made the last substitution because she was trying to lose the game or didn’t care about the outcome of the game? If her strategy had succeeded, the DD would have had a whole new ballgame of AB’s.

I doubt anyone on this thread who has been a coach listens to the parents when making game decisions. Instead, that coach does what they think is right based on their own experience and knowledge.

Every season some girls and parents are going to be disappointed. First, you have the girls who are cut. Then you have the division between starters and non-starters. Then you have girls thinking they should be playing a different position or pitchers thinking they should be #1. You can’t make everyone happy.

Interestingly, I don’t see OP showing any empathy for the 3B that he keeps throwing under the bus. He would have been thrilled to see her benched. I’m pretty sure she’s somebody’s DD also.

OK, I’m done.

Actually, he said that 3B is a good outfielder. Guess you didn't see that part? Are you a parent? Just curious as to why your attitude toward parents is so harsh.

 

[JayW]

Parent and have coached in the past. Didn’t see any positive mentions about the 3B , just this:

The problem which my wife didn't really articulate very well is that the crucial season-long coaching error here is at 3B. 3B is a huge liability to the team. She's a freshman, too. Cannot field sharply-hit balls, and cannot make a consistent throw to 1B. Leads the teams in errors - almost all of them on throws to 1B - one in the dirt, one into the dugout. Over and over again.

How would you feel if the 3B’s parents wrote about your DD like this?

 

[GunnerShotgun]

Just curious as to why your attitude toward parents is so harsh.

Because they deserve it most of the time. Parents are "fans" which is short for fanatical or crazy person.

You are just hearing one side of the story here.

 

[JumboJack]

Interestingly, I don’t see OP showing any empathy for the 3B that he keeps throwing under the bus. He would have been thrilled to see her benched. I’m pretty sure she’s somebody’s DD also.
.

BINGO!


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[PapaBear]

Wasn't a time given, DD reached out Friday afternoon, after her teammates asked her to come back.

As for the other stuff, the basics are this -- coach berated Dd for 10 minutes, insulting her intelligence and cognitive abilities. DD came home devastated. Was going to let it go, but two other parents called me that night to tell me their DDs came home and told them about how over-the-top the coach was. We tried to contact the coach, she didn't respond all day. Talked to her assistant who said that there had been a "spirited conversation." DW went to practice to talk to the coach; the AD was there, asked her why and then wanted to meet with both of them. Coach denied anything had happened at all -- that she never even raised her voice.

You can believe all you want, but you can't have adults telling young girls that things they know happened didn't happen. If the coach said she overreacted, it's the end of the story. But sending a message to teenage girls that they are not to be believed is a message I can't tolerate. It's how girls end up in abusive relationships; it's why they don't report rapes. So that's why we went further. Principal immediately sent to the county, county could not corroborate DD's story. I've got the screenshots of the team all making sure they got their stories straight. The one girl who did not agree to go along with the story -- she just said she'd tell the truth -- was one of the other seniors who was treated the way DD was. And that girl had been the starting 3B for two years.

One thing that has stood out to me through this thread is a misunderstanding about high school coaching. High schools are community assets. High school practice and playing fields are community assets. Teams aren't fiefdom's that coaches can run however they want. They aren't allowed to be punitive. They shouldn't be allowed to sacrifice the class of '22 to better prepare the class of '24. This idea of a coach as absolute authority is silly; you wouldn't allow any other educator to decide a kid's experience on their own whims. Why would we allow it of a high school coach?

If these things as you said they did, why would your daughter go back anyways? Why would you encourage her going back if the interaction took place the way it did? I agree, girls even boys cannot be subjected to abusive relationships by coaches, teammates etc. Not all HS coaches are the same and not all experiences are the same, each coach and team, player/family take away their own from it. With all that is said it sounds as if the coach wanted to move on but gave your daughter options. Married to a high school teacher I know once 3:30 hits, some teachers go into Friday is over.

 

[PapaBear]

This thread is not about mistreatment. It’s about parents thinking they know better than the coach about who should play where. (And maybe they do - but does that even matter?)

Is the coach supposed to take a straw poll of the crowd before drawing up a lineup or making a substitution? Does anyone here think the coach in this thread made the last substitution because she was trying to lose the game or didn’t care about the outcome of the game? If her strategy had succeeded, the DD would have had a whole new ballgame of AB’s.

I doubt anyone on this thread who has been a coach listens to the parents when making game decisions. Instead, that coach does what they think is right based on their own experience and knowledge.

Every season some girls and parents are going to be disappointed. First, you have the girls who are cut. Then you have the division between starters and non-starters. Then you have girls thinking they should be playing a different position or pitchers thinking they should be #1. You can’t make everyone happy.

Interestingly, I don’t see OP showing any empathy for the 3B that he keeps throwing under the bus. He would have been thrilled to see her benched. I’m pretty sure she’s somebody’s DD also.

OK, I’m done.

I ran our school feeder program for years. I had one line to the kids and parents that let them know exactly where I came from in our initial meeting.

"I don't care what position you play on your travel ball team, their needs may be different than our needs. They don't call me to ask where they should play you or bat you and know I don't tell them where they should play you either. So as long as we understand that we will be good." You may be a really good 2B on a mediocre team in the summer, but I need you to be the best RF on this team.

 

[radness]

I ran our school feeder program for years. I had one line to the kids and parents that let them know exactly where I came from in our initial meeting.

"I don't care what position you play on your travel ball team, their needs may be different than our needs. They don't call me to ask where they should play you or bat you and know I don't tell them where they should play you either. So as long as we understand that we will be good." You may be a really good 2B on a mediocre team in the summer, but I need you to be the best RF on this team.

Like that communication!

Around here's a chunk of parents that seek the high school that their child and the coaches wants/needs align.

 

[PapaBear]

Like that communication!

Around here's a chunk of parents that seek the high school that their child and the coaches wants/needs align.

parents many times need to look in advance to potential roster depth charts and many issues can be avoided on their end.

 

[radness]

parents many times need to look in advance to potential roster depth charts and many issues can be avoided on their end.

Yep
Some pay attention
Some plan