Keep your ears and eyes open "be cautious about this" thread, good stuff

[DSC]

Seems a bit odd to me. I can't image a coach who refuses to have any communication or contact with the parents?

Sounds like a good way to have a bunch of parents on the fence trying to coach. If the parents don't know what you teach and how you teach, how can they be expected to trust what you teach?

In our local area, we rely on the parents working with the kids at home, if we don't communicate what we teach we will spend more time undoing what the parents might teach.

It sounds like this coach has had problems with parents stepping way over the parent/coach line and has implemented this policy to deal with and prevent such action. The IHSA site has this course for parents of players. You do have to create an account and log in, but the course is free. Some schools even require the parents to take this course. It sounds like he could use it.

I wouldn't deal well with this coach, if he won't communicate with me, my kids don't play for him.

That sums up the coaching side of it.

Now the dark side.....The possibility for accusations, or worse inappropriate action, in this situation are enormous.

 

[sluggers]

Geez, I can hear an entire squadron of helicopters.

Isn't the simple solution to tell your DDs to forward all of his emails to you? Can't parents *ASK* DD what he said in the phone call? It is just as easy for your DD to forward the emails to you as it is for him to CC you.

I know one coach who has produced 3 Olympians and busloads of D1 players, and he does basically the same thing. He will talk to the parents about anything except softball or the team.

The reason is to get the kids to "own" the team rather than the parents. It isn't the parents' team. It is the players' team. It isn't the parents' game, it is the DD's game. It isn't the parents' tournament, it is the DD's tournament.

I wouldn't deal well with this coach, if he won't communicate with me, my kids don't play for him.

And, the coach I'm speaking of could care less. If you didn't want to play by his rules, you would be asked to leave the team. I asked about the kids he kicked off his team, and he said, "It is never the kids. They understand exactly what is going on. It is the parents. They think they are the ones who can throw a 65 MPH fastball."

The deal is this: On advanced teams, the parents are irrelevant. Parents are taxi drivers and check writers, and that is it. Why? Because the DD has to be able to perform without the parents carrying her bat bag and wiping away her tears every time she stumbles.

 

[Lozza]

I think there's being careful and then there's looking for sinister reasons.

The coach isn't calling the girls. He's emailing them. Which he told you about at the start of the season. You can always ask your DD to forward you the email, but the coach is trying to teach the girls responsibility for themselves, and I think that's fantastic.

If you don't like it, there are other teams out there.

 

[chinamigarden]

Geez, I can hear an entire squadron of helicopters.

Isn't the simple solution to tell your DDs to forward all of his emails to you? Can't parents *ASK* DD what he said in the phone call? It is just as easy for your DD to forward the emails to you as it is for him to CC you.

I know one coach who has produced 3 Olympians and busloads of D1 players, and he does basically the same thing. He will talk to the parents about anything except softball or the team.

The reason is to get the kids to "own" the team rather than the parents. It isn't the parents' team. It is the players' team. It isn't the parents' game, it is the DD's game. It isn't the parents' tournament, it is the DD's tournament.



And, the coach I'm speaking of could care less. If you didn't want to play by his rules, you would be asked to leave the team. I asked about the kids he kicked off his team, and he said, "It is never the kids. They understand exactly what is going on. It is the parents. They think they are the ones who can throw a 65 MPH fastball."

The deal is this: On advanced teams, the parents are irrelevant. Parents are taxi drivers and check writers, and that is it. Why? Because the DD has to be able to perform without the parents carrying her bat bag and wiping away her tears every time she stumbles.

Of everything on this post about the girls needing to "own" the game(which I agree with) the bolded sentence made me laugh. My daughter has teammates whose dads carried their bags for them in 12u (and probably will in 14u), rarely were these the girls who were helping carry the teams equipment to the coaches car. My girl carries her catchers gear to every game and practice, she rarely ever catches, not since she became a good pitcher, but she brings it in just in case. Along with all her other gear, she is carrying more then most kids. She is also the one carrying a ball bucket or a team gear bag. I always ask her, if she wants help knowing I am going to get glared at.

 

[NVfishing]

How many parents drop their DD's off at practice and don't stay to watch? If something is going to happen it's more likely to happen in person rather than by text or email. Our DD's are going to learn to be able to speak with adults by having adult conversations with their coaches. It's a great learning experience for our girls. If my DD is concerned with why she's being treated a certain way at practice or during games it's her responsibilty to talk to coach and find out why things are the way they are. At some point our DD's need to learn to handle life on their own. It's part of the reason why I have my DD's playing sports. My DD is a stronger person mentally and has the ability to handle her own problems because sports have taught her how to handle adult conversations. She isn't intimidated to ask someone in charge why things are the way they are. She's the better person for it.

 

[fastpitch]

Now that I think back the truly good coaches I've seen at the 14u and above level... there was very little interaction with any parents. The communication was almost always directly to the players. The worst coaches always spoke too much to the parents and were always the ones who may have given the impression there were favorites on the team.

 

[Country Boy]

I wish/ hope that I qualify as one of the types of good coaches that fastpitch describes. I will say as a coach of 18's, I split my communication types. I do send out group emails that go to every player, coach and parent that has provided their email. Those are big picture emails. Things such as upcoming events, fundraisers, etc.

I send out texts to players only when it involves player functions- last minute reminders, directions to ball fields, uniform, etc. I echo what some have said about making the girls responsible. I could send it to the parents also. I just don't.

I will also send personal texts occasionally to individual players. Sometimes it is inquiring about an injury. Othertimes it will be to offer an encouraging word or a congratulations. I know that some will say I can cc everyone, but in this electronic age, the text is captured anyway. If a parent wants to approach me with a complaint about me asking an 18yr old girl how her knee is, I probably need to leave the business. I know the environment we play/ coach in. But if someone can make a big deal out of "How's your knee feeling?", they better put me out to pasture.

I'm probably wrong, but there I am. I do admit I would probably feel different if I coached younger ages.

 

[starsnuffer]

100 years ago humans were expected to behave as adults, marry, and raise a family at 14. In some countries this is still the case.

Have we really regressed so far as a species that we cannot even expect our children to behave in a responsible manner. . .. ever? Do we really care so little about personal freedom and liberty anymore that our primal fear has overridden our sense of exploration and learning and replaced it with an innate need for security in all things?

Sometimes I feel that we no longer live in a society of scholars but rather as a flock of sheep within walls. I really would rather be shot and put out of my misery then have to conform and behave as a sheep. Your outlook may vary.

I sincerely believe that individuals (coaches, parents, teenagers, ect) should be mindful of what they do, considerate of others, and ultimately responsible for their own actions. It cracks me up that some people think that crazy notions like phone/text security are going to make up for the "free babysitting" that most parents think softball practice is, when they are off shopping and generally being good little sheep/consumers.

Parents would do better to raise responsible children who know right from wrong and are wary of their own vulnerabilities and aware of their own strengths and capabilities in compromising situations, then to spend so much time spinning in circles afraid of the world around them. What is the point of being alive if we forget how to live without fear? Baa.

-W

 

[Sparky Guy]

Of everything on this post about the girls needing to "own" the game(which I agree with) the bolded sentence made me laugh. My daughter has teammates whose dads carried their bags for them in 12u (and probably will in 14u), rarely were these the girls who were helping carry the teams equipment to the coaches car. My girl carries her catchers gear to every game and practice, she rarely ever catches, not since she became a good pitcher, but she brings it in just in case. Along with all her other gear, she is carrying more then most kids.

I have a rule on my teams that players MUST carry their own equipment and the team equipment. I tell them and the parents the words "Pack Mule" are not tattooed on their parents foreheads. I tell them there is nothing in their equipment bags their parents use and IF there is a glove or something else a parent uses to help them practice they better carry it without complaint.

I caught a girl one time several years ago. We had finished a tournament and I was leaving the park. I saw her and her dad walking to their car. He was carrying her equipment bag. I didn't say anything at that time. After the next game we played during the week I called the team over into a group and told the girls to bring their equipment and drop it in a pile. I also had all of the team equipment as well. Then I made the offender carry each one of the girl's bags to the cars one at a time. Everyone got a laugh out of it while she learned her lesson. After that the girls wouldn't let their parents touch their bags other than loading them into and out of the car.

 

[alexander58]

I understand a coach placing responsibility with the player. School coaches tend to always do so. There is nothing wrong with communicating with the parents. Some coaches seem to consider parents to be their enemy. If you treat them as your enemy that's what they'll inevitably become.