Help with coach issue, please?

[8utbmom]

For some reason, the coach and his daughter, wants to force your daughter into quitting.

This comment stuck with me last night, and I can't help wondering if it is true. What was it that i said that makes you think that, if you don't mind me asking?

I appreciate everyone's feedback on this. I do think we'll stick it out for the season (4 tournaments), but probably won't play again in the fall. She'll try out for another 10u and if she doesn't make it, she can play rec until tryouts come around again.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Your comments about moving your DD from position to position, criticizing her, and making her do push ups, while his DD diddles around.

I used to watch my sons' HS baseball coach do that, in order to get someone to quit.

 

[8utbmom]

Well, I think we'll stay and really try to p*** him off then!

The only thing I can think of that might make him want to make her quit is that my dd said, like all the other girls on her team, that she wanted to learn how to pitch. Well, my husband knows a pitching coach that I guess is very popular in our area and just so happened to be the daughter of the founder of theTB organization she plays for. Well, he contacted her just to see about pricing and availability, and she said that even though she is booked she would try to fit our dd in and would give her her first available spot. It turns out that our coach approached the same pitching coach and she must have told him that our dd had her next available spot because he emailed me asking about it. Since then it seems like he is trying to talk us out of it because he says we don't have a lot of time to work on it with our dd and it requires more than we can give. Which was true in the beginning, but we have been working with her almost daily with catching, throwing, and hitting and that has to be obvious to him so certainly we can try to fit that in too if she takes a liking to it. I have never played sports, so I have a hard time with it, but I try for her because she wants it so badly.

Other than that, my dd has always been eager to please her coach and she does try hard. She isn't the best player on the team, but she is a consistent hitter, and one of the fastest. She is working on the defensive side of it, but like I said, she is having a hard time because he won't let her get comfortable in any one position before he moves her around again. :/

 

[chinamigarden]

Well, I think we'll stay and really try to p*** him off then!

The only thing I can think of that might make him want to make her quit is that my dd said, like all the other girls on her team, that she wanted to learn how to pitch. Well, my husband knows a pitching coach that I guess is very popular in our area and just so happened to be the daughter of the founder of theTB organization she plays for. Well, he contacted her just to see about pricing and availability, and she said that even though she is booked she would try to fit our dd in and would give her her first available spot. It turns out that our coach approached the same pitching coach and she must have told him that our dd had her next available spot because he emailed me asking about it. Since then it seems like he is trying to talk us out of it because he says we don't have a lot of time to work on it with our dd and it requires more than we can give. Which was true in the beginning, but we have been working with her almost daily with catching, throwing, and hitting and that has to be obvious to him so certainly we can try to fit that in too if she takes a liking to it. I have never played sports, so I have a hard time with it, but I try for her because she wants it so badly.

Other than that, my dd has always been eager to please her coach and she does try hard. She isn't the best player on the team, but she is a consistent hitter, and one of the fastest. She is working on the defensive side of it, but like I said, she is having a hard time because he won't let her get comfortable in any one position before he moves her around again. :/

So here's how you solve your problem. If I read this right. The head of this particular TB group, his DD gives private pitching lessons for pay. And a coach (your DDs coach) is interfering with this woman's business by trying to run off a paying customer (you) by telling you that your girl should not be taking lessons from this coach. My passive aggressive solution. Tell this pitching coach that the team coach tried to persuade you to not bring your daughter to her for lessons.

 

[fastpitch]

You definitely have to bring her to that pitching coach! If only for the sole purpose of **** this guy off.

Also... again let her play all positions. It will help her in the long run. While its fine at the younger age groups, the one thing that never works out with positions in the long run is being both a pitcher and a catcher. Your DD can never be the number one pitcher and the number one catcher. It has to be either or.

 

[Ken Krause]

Chinamigarden, that's not a bad strategy. Maybe it will at least make the head of the organization aware that something odd is going on.

As for the coach and his daughter I've seen this before. In some homes, especially where Dad is the only male, mom and the girls rule the roost. Dad gets used to having no say and eventually gives up even trying to parent the girls. He knows anything he does, even at the field, is going to cause problems at home and so takes the path of least resistance. Maybe he's taking that out on the other girls -- he can't do anything about his kids so he's going overboard on everyone else.

A few years ago I was brought in to do some large-group pitching clinics for the local rec league. The guy who ran softball for the rec league was one of those dads, although I think mom had actually taken off and left him with the girls. In any case, his girls were THE most difficult to work with. One, a nine year old (I think), even flat out told me she didn't need to do it my way because she was already a good pitcher (which she wasn't). I didn't sweat that because I figured that attitude would be its own punishment in the end. Neither of those girls has done anything in softball.

As for punishing players for making a physical error, to me that's a mistake at any age. All you're going to teach them to do is stay in their comfort zones so they don't get punished. Sort of like what's said about Derek Jeter at shortstop. His numbers look good because he doesn't go after any ball that holds the possibility of an error.

At 8U, the attitude should be positive and supportive, not punative. There's more going on there than we probably know -- or want to.

 

[SoCalSoftballdad]

You definitely have to bring her to that pitching coach! If only for the sole purpose of *** this guy off.

Or you could do the adult thing and actually set-up a meeting with this coach and have a heart to heart with him and voice your concerns. This way you know exactly where he is coming from (and eliminates all the speculation) and you can make an educated decision on next steps. If you don't like what he has to say, you can always walk. Many times these situations are caused by miscommunication and not understanding where someone is coming from. I absolutely would NOT be passive aggressive and give this guy ammunition to treat your daughter unfairly. If your daughter wants pitching lessons, great, but it should have nothing to do with whether or not it will upset the coach. You need to look at the big picture and not try to "get back" at him. No good will come out of that situation.

 

[8utbmom]

You definitely have to bring her to that pitching coach! If only for the sole purpose of *** this guy off.

Or you could do the adult thing and actually set-up a meeting with this coach and have a heart to heart with him and voice your concerns. This way you know exactly where he is coming from (and eliminates all the speculation) and you can make an educated decision on next steps. If you don't like what he has to say, you can always walk. Many times these situations are caused by miscommunication and not understanding where someone is coming from. I absolutely would NOT be passive aggressive and give this guy ammunition to treat your daughter unfairly. If your daughter wants pitching lessons, great, but it should have nothing to do with whether or not it will upset the coach. You need to look at the big picture and not try to "get back" at him. No good will come out of that situation.

I was discussing this with a friend, who happens to be the 10u coach for this organization (one of her dd's also play on our team), and she agrees that this coach just isn't approachable. We have even witnessed him reprimanding his assistant coaches. There is talk of one of the assistants forming a B team when the season is up because he doesn't want his dd on this team any longer. The 10u coach feels the same way, but can't coach two teams. :/ I think Kenkrause has hit the nail on the head when it concerns this guy. Once he put his dd on the bench and his wife said to his dd in front of everyone "I don't know why he would bench YOU" like he should have taken someone else out instead of her, and she will defend his dd when the coach critiques something his dd has done.

I won't go over his head unless the situation worsens. My dd is going to take the lessons, but only because she wanted to begin with. I definitely won't back out just because he wants her spot. My dd started catching simply because they did not have anyone that was willing to play it besides her, until he got another girl. The other catcher takes lessons, but is kind of a mess out there, too.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

It is not a bad thing to have your DD be able to play any position on the field. Take a look at the Howard Kobata DVD and see how fun being a great fielder is.

If you want hints on how you can still help your daughter, even though you don't know how, right now, PM me.

 

[SoftSocDad]

The other catcher takes lessons, but is kind of a mess out there, too.

I could've sworn you said this was an 8u team you're discussing.

At the risk of leaving it unsaid, let me tell you that your expectations are crazy. No matter how skilled any player or group of players is, when all is said and done, you're still talking about 8- and 9-year-old girls who are still brand-new to understanding how to play their positions within the context of playing the game.

In some ways, it's good that you can express just what you're feeling here, but you need to temper your expectation level rather significantly, unless you intend to keep searching for team-after-team until you find a place where every other player is as good as your daughter...which will bring up a whole new set of issues.