Help with coach issue, please?

[8utbmom]

She doesn't mind the push ups, she does not like the yelling. She gets very nervous and confused because it is an overload of information when he switches her around the field every few minutes. For instance, yesterday at practice he had her backing up third base and when she did something he did not like, he moved her to center field. Well, he hits a ball out there, she gets it, but hesitates on where to throw it because there was a runner going to second and a runner going to third. He told the girl that was playing center field before her that he was taking the guessing away from them in that situation, she was to throw it to second even if there was a runner going to third. Well, she did throw it to second base in time and got the out but he berated her for hesitating because he just told the other girl what to do. And then immediately after wards he gives her push ups for missing a fly ball.

Apparently during the pool game in the last tournament (I missed this game because it was an early game and I have a 3 yr old and a newborn), he had her catching and she made some error, and he totally went off on her as soon as she got back in to the dug out. She had zero confidence for the rest of the games. She wasn't herself at all. He even had a talk with me about it before practice yesterday and said she wasn't giving him any energy and didn't want to play. I had no clue what to tell him other than she was just tired because she slept over another team members house that night and they stayed up too late. But she tells me that she can't do anything right and that he never tells her she is doing good so she is never sure when she is doing the right thing.

She really doesn't like the way his daughter behaves. She is the one that told me about the hitting and teasing in the dug out. She feels badly for one particular girl that is picked on often.

 

[SoftSocDad]

My daughter has been playing rec since she was 4 (9 now), she has played on 4 different tball/softball rec teams and played all different positions. We are easy going parents, we never took it seriously. I was just keeping her busy.until she was approached by the coach of this travel team. He said that she was good enough to play more competitively and that in rec, we take the chance of some clueless coach teaching her all of the wrong things which will hurt her in the future. The main reason we don't up and quit is that we have $500 plus 6 months of practice wrapped up in to it and she has committed to the team, not just the coach. Plus, I just don't think teaching my kid to quit when things get tough is a good lesson. I never thought it was a bad idea to show her every position until i saw that he wasn't moving the girls around like he does mine and not giving her the practice she needs in the positions he has her play in the actual tournaments, kwim? That just makes no sense to me?

Sounds like you're in for a long summer. How many more tournaments will they play between now and the end of August? I understand the financial commitment as well as the time your player and family have invested in this organization, so I cannot fault you for choosing to stay because of those things, especially if your daughter is getting a good amount of playing time.

Just so that I'm consistent (I say that to every 8u parent), however, in addition to putting your 8u player on a travel team, I want you to know it's also crazy to spend $200 on a bat at that age.

You've got four months left in the season, so I would say just go ahead, let the coach know your feelings about the way things have been going, and hopefully he won't be so arrogant as to not even take your counsel under advisement. You know that certain people out there are total enablers when it comes to making excuses for their children's bad behavior and based on what you've described, I would have no problem at all with you if you chose to break out your little flip camera or phone and record a future taunting incident.

I am not sure where you live, but you should start looking for a rec fall ball program now. Get through the next four months of hell and then she'll be able to go shine for a fall rec team. Even though she is still technically an 8u player, because she'd be in 10u next spring and because she has TB experience, have her play 10u rec this fall. She is more than ready.

You made the choices you felt were right in order to provide what you hoped would be the best opportunities for your DD to get more enjoyment out of the game. We've all had to make various decisions for the same reason, so while it may sound like I'm picking on you, I am not. I just hope others who come after you will benefit from your experiences and think twice before getting involved with 8u TB.

 

[SoftSocDad]

She doesn't mind the push ups, she does not like the yelling. She gets very nervous and confused because it is an overload of information when he switches her around the field every few minutes. For instance, yesterday at practice he had her backing up third base and when she did something he did not like, he moved her to center field. Well, he hits a ball out there, she gets it, but hesitates on where to throw it because there was a runner going to second and a runner going to third. He told the girl that was playing center field before her that he was taking the guessing away from them in that situation, she was to throw it to second even if there was a runner going to third. Well, she did throw it to second base in time and got the out but he berated her for hesitating because he just told the other girl what to do. And then immediately after wards he gives her push ups for missing a fly ball.

Apparently during the pool game in the last tournament (I missed this game because it was an early game and I have a 3 yr old and a newborn), he had her catching and she made some error, and he totally went off on her as soon as she got back in to the dug out. She had zero confidence for the rest of the games. She wasn't herself at all. He even had a talk with me about it before practice yesterday and said she wasn't giving him any energy and didn't want to play. I had no clue what to tell him other than she was just tired because she slept over another team members house that night and they stayed up too late. But she tells me that she can't do anything right and that he never tells her she is doing good so she is never sure when she is doing the right thing.

She really doesn't like the way his daughter behaves. She is the one that told me about the hitting and teasing in the dug out. She feels badly for one particular girl that is picked on often.

Disciplining an 8u player - or ANY player, for that matter - for dropping a fly ball? Yelling at an 8u player for not knowing where to go with the ball? Are you kidding me?? It's one thing if a ball rolls by a kid who was counting clover at the time, but there's never a need to get on someone for making a mistake.

I take back what I said earlier. Unless you see a platinum lining on this cloud, demand a partial refund of your fees and get out now.

 

[CoachAl]

Well, these "8u travel teams" have to exist I guess in order to develop superstar players that burn out by the time they are 13 and never play the sport again. My recommendation - leave this team (I wouldn't care if I got a dime back or not). Find a decent rec team for your daughter with coaches that know how to teach the very basic fundamentals with no softball lingo and no win at all costs attitude. If you absolutely think she has to play some form of competitive softball, guest play her at the 10u level or find a semi competitive rec team that plays the occassional machine or coach pitch tournament on a weekend here or there.

The other thing to keep in mind that I have learned the hard way...girls this age MUST have fun and lots of it in any sport and develop friendships within the team for this to work. The path you are on right now is almost a sure fire way to make sure she quits softball altogether at some point! I'm sure there are exeptions, but I'm just telling what I have seen personally.

 

[MsDinosaur]

My advice would be to use this time to scout for a new team for your daughter. There are bound to be lots of 8U teams moving up to 10U that will be losing some kids who'll be staying down another year or 10U teams that are staying down, but losing players who are aging out to 12U. Go to her tournaments and take notes on your opponents and also stop in to watch other games (and also very important, the pre-game warmups and the way the coaches and girls act between games.). Check out all the teams you can and talk to their families.

You now know more what to look for. You want a team where your daughter can have fun and enjoy herself, one with good families (good kids generally come from good families), a team that doesn't condone bad behavior, you don't want a yeller who belittles them for every little mistake or is simply obnoxious, you want someone who's good at developing the girls and gives good, clear, consistent instructions.

You don't have to worry about burning bridges with this coach; you know you're not going back in the fall. So you can open about approaching the coaches and teams you like. Tryouts for her first fall 10U season really aren't that far away and IMO 10U is a better place to begin competitive ball than 8U.

BTW, as you've discovered, sleepovers the night before tournaments are a bad idea!

 

[SoCalSoftballdad]

I agree 100% with MsDinosaur. There are some wonderful 8U & 10U TB programs, unfortunately the team your DD is on is NOT one of them. I hope this experience does not make her lose her passion for the game. It doesn't sound like this team will last more than one season anyways, so you might as well start looking now for another team. I disagree with SoftSocDad, moving her back into Rec isn't necessarily the right answer either, because she will be playing with some girls who have never picked up a softball before and it would be a setback for her skillwise IMO. If she is a good player and has been playing softball for 4 years, she is ready for a bigger challenge, just find her the right team. Good luck!

 

[8utbmom]

Totally agree about the sleepover. However, the coach added in the tournament at the last minute, so my husband did not have enough time to request the weekend off to take her to the game. They had to be @ the field at 7am that day (hour away) and since I do have a 3 yr old and a newborn, the parent offered to take dd to the game for me. It would have otherwise been a very long day for the babies! Our home was out of the way so the sleepover was more convenient for the other parent. The coach had offered to drive her for us, but she did not want to sit in the car with the coach's dd for an hour, and I don't blame her.

We don't have any other 8u teams in the area, but I will check out the 10u organizations if she wants to continue playing. It's not really the ideal time in our life for such a huge time commitment, but we didn't want to hold her back from what seemed like a great opportunity. Hopefully this experience hasn't ruined her. :/

 

[8utbmom]

I disagree with SoftSocDad, moving her back into Rec isn't necessarily the right answer either, because she will be playing with some girls who have never picked up a softball before and it would be a setback for her skillwise IMO.

This is what we have been told. And when she did play rec, she would get frustrated with the new girls at times.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

For some reason, the coach and his daughter, wants to force your daughter into quitting.

 

[fastpitch]

I'd try to make the best of a bad situation. It's a game. Don't let her see you frustrated about it. She will feed off of it.

Don't worry about game results. Work with your DD on the side. Teach her how to play different positions on your own. Let her have fun with you or dad just playing catch and hitting.

Coaches have to deal with 11 or 12 girls. Its not easy. I don't envy new coaches with 8 yo girls. Your DD will have many more coaches, some worse, some good, she will have to deal with... what do you show your dd by leaving now?