Girl Drama

[NVfishing]

My DD is in her third year of travel ball, B league, 12U. The first year she played with a team that formed a year before. She was taunted at school by some of the girls telling her she didn't belong, wasn't good enough. I thought we were past this crap this year. Now it seems to be rearing it's head again. Instead of telling her she doesn't belong they are attacking her for showing off and then it goes past showing off to personal attacks about boys and other things.

My DD is very extroverted, talks alot, jokes with parents, players, other teams, umpires. It doesn't matter who she talks to or jokes with, it's just her personality. She's made friends with the 16U team because she's been practicing with them. When she jokes around with them or hangs out with them at tournaments then her own team mates attack her. My DD loves playing softball but when these attacks start on her it gets her down. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation?

 

[Mark H]

I've seen it more than once where when someone who used to be everyone's equal works hard and jumps ahead many resent them. Often a year or two later, they get used to the idea and begin to treat them like heroes. Hopefully it gets to that with your DD. There is a story about caught crabs in a bucket. Left alone a hard working crab could pull itself up over the top to freedom. But every time one of the crabs gets close, the others pull it back down. People are this way to an extent. The people treating your DD badly were never her friends. Take the disappointment and move on. The best revenge is to live well and successfully.

 

[Coach Lia]

Girls tend to be that way when they're insecure. They would attack someone who they see is better themselves. It looks like your DD is a good player. It's sad to see that kind of situation in a team. Usually it dies down when nothing happens to their taunting or when they don't see that your DD is not reacting. As long as it doesn't affect her playing or the team, don't mind them. If they go overboard then the coach has to be informed.

It's a good thing that your DD talks to you with what's happening to her. I hope it will stop soon.

 

[sluggers]

My DDs played sports through college. They went through this over and over again. There is no solution. Girls are notorious for forming cliques and attacking people not in the "clique".

Kids who love the sport have to put up with this crap. Your best course of action is to listen and comfort your DD.

 

[calgofo]

Dealt with it as a coach and a parent. It will happen from t-ball through college. Told teams/dd that it's not necessary for them to like each other well enough to swap spit but it is necessary for them to get along well enough that it doesn't interfere with sb. Some of the best teams i was associated with were made up of players who didn't really care for one another but they realized the bigger goal.

Best to just listen to your daughter but find a way to tell it is going to happen everywhere she goes in life. It happens in softball/HS/College/Church and it will happen in the work world. Best to help her find a coping strategy that will be succesful for her throughout life.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Note the age, 12U. That means that some of these girls are 10 and 11 years old. This cr*p, must be getting younger and younger. I am not seeing it around here. A lot of my students are in this age group.

Is she new to the area? Sometimes a small town won't accept someone, even if they have been their 10 years.

 

[NVfishing]

It seemed to work its self out today. It did affect my DD's first game though. I could tell her emotional level was down. Even though we came up short today the girls all rallied around each other. It was a very dissapointing day though. My DD was upset and felt we came in second because they were getting hits off her. Nothing spectacular, no big hits, nothing hard, they just managed to hit to gaps or just over the infielders. She faced the same team 3 times, by the third game they had her figured out.

 

[calgofo]

Note the age, 12U. That means that some of these girls are 10 and 11 years old. This cr*p, must be getting younger and younger. I am not seeing it around here. A lot of my students are in this age group.

Is she new to the area? Sometimes a small town won't accept someone, even if they have been their 10 years.

Bet if you looked harder you would.

 

[madskilz]

And most of those cliques are lead by coaches kids....see it routinely around here. Can't stand it, but it happens. Ironically, the better players that carry the team don't seem to get caught up in it as much ...

 

[SnocatzDad]

It's the coaches responsibility to set the tone for how the kids treat each other when together as a team. What's hard is when the girls are all from the same community or school and have to rearrange the social pecking order based on ability to play a sport. The top dog socially might be on a lower team and vice versa and that creates tensions that carry over to school and the field and that is difficult to manage.

It's one of the reasons why I'm a big fan on independent club teams. When you draw from a big enough area that no more than 1 or 2 kids are from the same school you get a different chemistry that at least has a chance to be independent from what goes on at school. Everyone starts out nice to each other because you are all strangers, and mutual respect has a chance to build and quite frankly the girls don't see each other enough to start to get on each others nerves, with minimal coach management that can be maintained.