Fear of failure

[RubberBiscuit]

Good stuff.

We all know that failure is a BIG part of this game. We also know that different folks process and fear failure differently.

What has been your most successful approach towards a kid that fears failure too much?

Approach A - "The Blow-off" - "Sally it's only a sport and it really doesn't matter so don't worry about it"
Approach B - "The Challenge" - "Sally life is hard so bucker-up and get out there and get it done!
Approach C - ???

 

[sluggers]

(I thought the post warranted its own thread...)

I've never really coached kids who were afraid of failure.

My approach has always been, "OK. Here is what you did wrong. Do this, and you will succeed." Then, whenever the child made progress, I would celebrate the improvement.

E.g., suppose can't field a ball. So, I teach them to "get the mitt" down. If they miss the next one but get the mitt down, then I say, "Way to go. You got the mitt down! Now, remember to put your hand over the ball once it is in the mitt."

 

[JJsqueeze]

C- the softball as life teacher- I only know this in regards to fear of swinging..."look kid, there are two types of people in life. Those that fail because they never tried and those that fail trying their best. The former can be found serving hamburgers and fries at McDonalds, the latter can be found running their own companies....you are going to fail at things in life, it is your choice how you fail...now go out there and strikeout like you normally do but do it swinging hard"

 

[RubberBiscuit]

I've never really coached kids who were afraid of failure.

WOW. Either you have been incredibly lucky or you are an incredibly good TB team member selector or both!

In my years of LL then TB-C it was mostly the prime positions (pitcher/catcher/ss/3rd) that would expose this in a kid. Especially so many pitchers that could throw SO well in practice could never graduate to the real-time focus and pressure of a game with FANS watching. The fear of looking bad, even for a single play or a single pitch, could just fold some kids...

This is the kind of response mode that I would like to conclude what is the best way to handle it so I can be a better youth coach in the future.

 

[CoogansBluff]

Tell her that you want and expect her to fail sometimes. Had a girl once tell me that her goal for the season was never to strike out. I told her that if she doesn't strike out, she's not playing high enough and won't get better. Is that what we want?

 

[sluggers]

I've coached boys and girls in soccer, softball, baseball, and basketball, from t-ball up to 18U A travel. So, I've coached many, many kids.

Honestly, I've never had "fear of failure" kids. I set up practices where everyone succeeds and everyone fails. I've never had a kid who performed better at practice than during the game...I've had kids who played better during the game than at practice, but not the other way around.

I always break everything down into small steps so that they have some success...all the kids may not be great ball players, but they all experience success, and when they do, I make a big deal out of it.

The other thing is that I always am honest with kids...if they make a mistake, I don't pretend that they didn't make a mistake. (I don't scream and yell.) On the other hand, if they do it correctly, I'm their biggest fan.

E.g., I teach ground ball fielding as a series of small tasks. The kids understand the entire sequence of how to field the ball.
Suppose a ball goes through their legs. The normal discussion I have (which is during the game, while the kid is on the field, immediately after the error):

ME: Hey, the ball went between your legs. Why did that happen?
PLAYER: Uh I didn't have my mitt down?
ME: Why was that?
PLAYER: I brought my mitt up when I moved to the left.
ME: Right. Remember to keep your mitt down when you move.

I also use a lot of "super praise". "Super praise" is to tell the child she did well with her parents present. I tie the child's success at softball to some positive aspect of her character.

E.g., for the kid who missed the groundball, if she gets the next one, I would say something like, "Nice job keeping the mitt down when you moved. You are a quick learner. I like the way you never give up."

 

[Slappers]

I have You already screwed up so the worst already happened...and you lived.

and Where else would you rather be right now? Doing homework or chores?

I also have, Put a plan in your head so there is no room for other thoughts to creep in.

And lastly, Do you think you stink? Do you think your one play lost the game? Usually the answer is Yes. Then I say, It's not that you stink. It is that you need to adjust one skill, even perhaps by a coupla inches, so go adjust it. I say look at stuff that happened earlier in the game, lots of things contribute to the loss. So either all of us stink (perhaps) or all of us should pick something to work on.

Most people think that "one play" lost the game. It's hard to get a kid to get over that when they are shouldering the blame from everyone else.

Had a game where DD was pitching. The game was tied with one out. A ground ball was hit to SS and they tried to turn 2 and the ball went to right field so now bases were loaded with one out. She walked the next batter to lose the game.

Of course the team, and some of the parents blamed her but trying to explain it wasn't all of her fault was hard. She kept saying "well I walked the run in". You did. I can't deny that but she/they don't seem to understand the culmination the entire rest of the game led to that situation.

I could have said, well the blown double play set up the situation, so it was their fault. That doesn't help either. Nor is it correct.

It just isn't easy getting them to look at the big picture.

 

[Softball scholar]

I've coached boys and girls in soccer, softball, baseball, and basketball, from t-ball up to 18U A travel. So, I've coached many, many kids.

Honestly, I've never had "fear of failure" kids. I set up practices where everyone succeeds and everyone fails. I've never had a kid who performed better at practice than during the game...I've had kids who played better during the game than at practice, but not the other way around.

I always break everything down into small steps so that they have some success...all the kids may not be great ball players, but they all experience success, and when they do, I make a big deal out of it. "

Ok Sluggers, I got play devil's advocate. You've never had a pitcher get in a game and melt down, and walk three or four girls. You've never had an infielder make an error, then make one or two more because she's thinking about it. You never have had one of your better hitters go hitless in a tournament. You've never had the guy/girl that hits 70% of free throw in a practice and next thing you know they cant make one in a game. You ever have the soccer goalie stand on their head in practice then get in a big game and have butterfingers.

Ive coached a lot sports also, softball, wrestling, baseball, tennis. And I admit Im super postive when they succeed and when they fail. And my goal is to make sure that they're not afraid of the coach if they make a mistake. My philosopy is to get them totally focused but also relaxed, not uptight and anxious. I think I use very similar methods that you talk about.

Every athlete that I coached at some point, failed in the game for something they could do routinely in practice. It has a lot names, "fear of failure, choking, anxiety". But I see it quite often. Ive played a lot sports also, and a two in college. I've failed many times at something I should of been able to do. You got to admit, when you get into competition and everybody is watching and, games aer on the line, its not as easy or comfortable as pratice. My son is a tennis player, and can put the serve in at will. But when he gets in a big match, the double faults start rearing their ugly head. Ive seen professional athletes totally break down in tough competition. It happens.

I would say its a universal truth that game time is a lot more uncomforatable than any practice environment you put a athlete in, and as a result athletes generally play better in practice than in game situations.

 

[canyonjoe]

My daughter who is a very good player has some nerve issues but is getting much better. Her new coach has really helped her.

My son is the complete opposite. He is an OK player, but has unlimited confidence. He has gotten up 4 times this year as the potential final out and gotten a hit every time. I asked him after one time what he thought getting up in that situation and he said. "My team is lucky that I'm up right now."

 

[LeftiesDad]

What is there to be afraid of?

Hitting, they take their best swing at the best pitch they get, that is all that can be done. Choose good pitches take their best swing. Results happen or they don't but are out of their control.

Same with fielding. Do their best with the ball presented. Errors happen on good plays. Outs happen on bad ones.

Pitching is no different. Make the best pitch for the situation and move on. I have seen plenty of watched 3rd strikes on mistake pitches and HRs hit on a perfectly pitched ball (the decision on what to throw was the mistake, not the pitch delivery itself)

Work the process not the results. Softball and baseball are great analogies for life, sometimes we do the exact right thing and lose, sometimes we do something stupid and win. All we can do is work to improve our process and better our chances of success in the long run.