Fear of failure

[sluggers]

It usually not failure that they fear, but the reaction from other people (teammates, coaches, parents).

Young kids have no clue how to respond to failure at a sport. To them, a sport is a "game", and they like playing games, and playing games is fun. So, they really don't care...they are just having fun.

The parents are the ones who teach their children to be anxious.

Generally, parents are terrified of their child playing softball/baseball. Why? Because there is no place to hide. In every other sport, there is a convenient way to avoid recognizing that their child's limitation, but, not in softball. The sport is brutal for parents.

The announcers said that she had an injury of some sort then just mentally could not get it back (but should have).

If these announcers said that, then they are bozos. The competition to be the "top dog" pitcher is fierce. I believe that this has more to do with Hamilton's success rather than Wallace's failures.

Reminds me of the story about George Pickett after the Civil War. A reporter was asking him why the Confederates lost at Gettysburg. "Was it the terrain? Did Longstreet wait too long? Was Jeb Stuart to blame?" Pickett said, "Well, I always thought the Union army had something to do with us losing."

 

[CoogansBluff]

Young kids have no clue how to respond to failure at a sport. To them, a sport is a "game", and they like playing games, and playing games is fun. So, they really don't care...they are just having fun. But, the kids learn how to react to sports from parents and coaches.

Agree. ... Very well put and insightful, in fact, IMHO.

I do think that as they get into middle school and then high school that the approval of their peers becomes more important, and that's another way that anxiety can set in. Although in my TB experience, teammates are less judgmental than coaches and parents, so that might be a distant third in impact. For my daughter, 14, she's never expressed concern of what fellow players think of her performance. I just know that by the time that I was in high school, a few years older than DD is now, that I was more concerned about their respect and approval than my parents and coaches.

Now, here is a tangent that you may or may not agree with -- You say, ''To them, a sport is a "game", and they like playing games, and playing games is fun. So, they really don't care...they are just having fun.''

I completely agree with this, and the younger they are, the more this is true. As they mature, so does their competitive spirit and their desire to win. IMO, parents and coaches want to rush that process and make winning and losing and performance way too important too soon. They think they must teach them to be competitive, or how to win.

My advice - Leave them alone. They'll figure it out. Teach them how to throw, catch and hit and enjoy the game and don't snuff out their natural enjoyment by imposing age-inappropriate pressure to perform and all these misguided life's lessons that will come in time if we just let them.

 

[coach james]

Good stuff.

We all know that failure is a BIG part of this game. We also know that different folks process and fear failure differently.

What has been your most successful approach towards a kid that fears failure too much?

Approach A - "The Blow-off" - "Sally it's only a sport and it really doesn't matter so don't worry about it"
Approach B - "The Challenge" - "Sally life is hard so bucker-up and get out there and get it done!
Approach C - ???

Approach C- "Sally, this game is about adjustments to failure!. Learn from it, make the nesc. adjustments, and with enough failures, you'll grow into the superstar we both know you are!"

 

[Elk Grove Hurricane]

I see this a lot. As others have posted, it's usually a fear of letting a parent down. One of my 8U players is good. Far from great, not nearly as good as her dad wants her to be, and he is an outstanding player. She has said to us "My dad wants me to be perfect." And failure eats her up, to the point where she does carry it over from at bat to at bat, from one play to the next. Her dad is one of my coaches and he is very good, but he, like so many of us, is harder on his own kid, and toning down the intensity (believe me, we've tried) isn't in him. I finally talked to her and just said, in the box, it's your time. It's not about making your dad proud, it's not about making me happy. See the ball, hit the ball, using the mechanics you know, and trust yourself. Its a process, sometimes she remembers, sometimes she still carries the expectations with her into an atbat, but she is improving.


The best part of training with a former college AA this winter for my older DD was her focus on confidence and the mental game. This now professional player certainly believed fear of failure, performance anxiety, lack of confidence or whatever you want to call it was a real issue to deal with.

 

[RubberBiscuit]

Young kids have no clue how to respond to failure at a sport. To them, a sport is a "game", and they like playing games, and playing games is fun. So, they really don't care...they are just having fun.

Ya things evolve as they get older. Case and point is I see sooo many TB players, when they are the the only TB player on a HS team (or extreme minority), get all wrapped around the axle believing they have to "carry" a team. The HS coaches will expect soooo much more from the TB player that this becomes demobilizing. This is why (I think) soooo many TB parents here just can't wait for HS to be over so this carrying pressure can be lifted off their TB player.

 

[Southpaw729]

Unfortunately the fear of failure isn't quite that simple. In fact it is a complex emotional process that most young athletes all ill equipped to cope with. In plain language, each kid is unique as is her reasons for "fearing" or experiencing "anxiety."

With the elevated expectations we put on our athletes today the "fear" could be of letting down parents, coaches, teammates or self. It could be the fear of playing poorly in front of college coaches, knowing how much her family needs the scholarship money. It could be fear of embarrassment (more a girl thing).

Fear is usually the product of distorted beliefs and perceptions that elevate fear ("False Evidence Appearing Real") in an athlete's mind.

As humans we seek to avoid pain. Often the perceived "risk" (or potential for pain) of doing a task, versus the reward of doing it, keeps a young person from giving it her all. She will experience doubt and hesitate. This, of course, severely limits on the field performance levels.

When I work with young athletes who are experiencing fear during certain moments of the game I ask them, "What is the worst thing that can happen, and can she live with it?" Usually the rational mind says, "Yes...if that's the very worst I can handle it."

Anyway...my two cents!

--John Michael Kelly

 

[RubberBiscuit]

I believe that this has more to do with Hamilton's success rather than Wallace's failures.

I want to bump this relative to ULL pitching.

Since in the upper midwest non-SEC softball does not exist (in reference to only SEC play is on "regular" satTV) => I would love to understand from anybody that watches ULL softball what has been the difference in pitching this year. It appears that Jordan Wallace has re-taken over the primary-pitcher role at ULL from the "specs" girl. Details?????

 

[Jojo]

I currently have a classic case of a "fear of failure" student (Pitcher). I started to instruct her to pitch when she was 9, as a 10-11yr old she did well for her age, then the teens hit. And I could see that fear of failure creeping in. I started to try to nip it in the bud, tried to push her through it, but she just fell comfortable into her --I'll do as little effort as possible and I'll always have an excuse as to why I'm not the best--.
We had a very emotional talk one day her sophomore year because she broke down about her dad being on her case, her coaches being on her case and me being on her case. I explained to her because everyone saw her potential, and "getting on her case" was an emotional outlet we were all trying to deal with as well, because we all felt like failures because we couldn't figure out what buttons to push that would get her to see her own potential.
There were no buttons to push on her, she'd made her mind up about her own potential. She's a senior now, she still wants to pitch, still wants to pitch in college and has signed to a JUCO where she can still do everything she loves without anyone asking her to be more than she is willing to work to be.

 

[Jojo]

I've also experienced an interesting case of an absolutely enormous athlete with a similar problem.

I was at an 18u tournament and we were playing a very weak small town team. My DD's head coach said, "You see their SS?" I said yes, she was amazing. She would just take charge of the game, with her skills and mindset. She was an absolute pleasure to watch. Coach said I've been trying to get her off this team for years and get her on mine. She has that right combination of everything that is ripe for playing top D1. Then he says, "She won't do it". Her dad says, she HAS to play on a team where she is the best player. She doesn't want to be second best, she doesn't watch to share spotlights. The dad was beyond frustrated with her. She did end up playing a year with us, I loved her on the team being able to watch her play in every game, my DD's future college coach even offered her a scholarship in which she declined, she declined all others as well, and went to play for the local JUCO where she would be the standout.