Dealing with the team diva

[junkball]

Definitely 100% not leaving mid-season. Or rather, end-season. We have 2 local tournaments and then a world series left and that's it. Not something we would even consider at this point.

The idea of finding a new team for fall is exhausting. I really don't want to. I don't see trying to organize a mutiny, too many down sides even if I wanted to. I didn't know the HC's daughter pitched when we joined the team. First off I didn't know he was the head coach - it was presented as the older coach without a child on the team was the HC, and the guy with the diva was the AC. So far, that part (pitching time) hasn't been a problem. It's more the rest of it, the attitude, show-boating, & lack of consequences, the anger it inspires in most of the other parents (including other ACs), which leads to tension and drama. Now that I'm really thinking about it, that's what's bothering me most, more than the diva behavior itself (annoying as that is). It's how everyone seems unhappy and pissed off all the time lately.

Are there any 10U teams where both the parents & kids are happy and there's no drama? That would be lovely...I think I might be dreaming though.

Finding a new team is something you should always be prepared to do every single year if you are series about playing A ball. Not just because a team blows up, or it's a bad situation. When you join a team in the fall, the season last about 10 months, maybe a little more, maybe a little less depending on the team. During those 10 months your DD as well as all the other DDs are going to grow physically and mentally and develop their skills and softball acumen. Not all the girls will grow and develop at the same rate and some may decide not to play anymore. Some parents may decide to back down from a travel heavy team to one that plays locally more. Some may do the opposite and want to play for a team that gets more exposure. And you will have seen how some of the other teams have developed and grown over the year. What looked like a horrible team in the fall maybe is now a top 5 team in the summer. You have been watching other coaches, and if you play the same teams enough you can get a good sense of their personality and how they manage their team. And your own coach may change their style or philosophy on what tournaments to play, how aggressive of a schedule to play, where he thinks your DD fits in the lineup on defense and offense, and more. Point is, the team you joined in the fall is not the same team as you end up with in the summer even though the girls might be the same.

Don't look at it as finding a new team, but reassessing if the team is still the right fit. Each summer around this time of year you need to evaluate whether or not your DD is still a good fit for the team based upon how she's grown as a player and the others around her, and anyone on the team right now that you know is leaving. Maybe your kid got a lot better, and maybe the rest of the team only improved a little. Maybe there are some key people leaving and your DD can step into a bigger role. Maybe they are planning on bringing someone in reducing your DDs role.

Always keep your options open and keep an open mind this time of year. 95% of the teams you saw last weekend will have a roster turnover of a least 1/4th or 1/3rd of the team. Some will turn over half or more. Some will dissolve, and some new teams will be formed. It's not always because of anything bad or scandalous, it's just the nature of the beast at the A level.

 

[grcsftbll]

Finding a new team is something you should always be prepared to do every single year if you are series about playing A ball. Not just because a team blows up, or it's a bad situation. When you join a team in the fall, the season last about 10 months, maybe a little more, maybe a little less depending on the team. During those 10 months your DD as well as all the other DDs are going to grow physically and mentally and develop their skills and softball acumen. Not all the girls will grow and develop at the same rate and some may decide not to play anymore. Some parents may decide to back down from a travel heavy team to one that plays locally more. Some may do the opposite and want to play for a team that gets more exposure. And you will have seen how some of the other teams have developed and grown over the year. What looked like a horrible team in the fall maybe is now a top 5 team in the summer. You have been watching other coaches, and if you play the same teams enough you can get a good sense of their personality and how they manage their team. And your own coach may change their style or philosophy on what tournaments to play, how aggressive of a schedule to play, where he thinks your DD fits in the lineup on defense and offense, and more. Point is, the team you joined in the fall is not the same team as you end up with in the summer even though the girls might be the same.

Don't look at it as finding a new team, but reassessing if the team is still the right fit. Each summer around this time of year you need to evaluate whether or not your DD is still a good fit for the team based upon how she's grown as a player and the others around her, and anyone on the team right now that you know is leaving. Maybe your kid got a lot better, and maybe the rest of the team only improved a little. Maybe there are some key people leaving and your DD can step into a bigger role. Maybe they are planning on bringing someone in reducing your DDs role.

Always keep your options open and keep an open mind this time of year. 95% of the teams you saw last weekend will have a roster turnover of a least 1/4th or 1/3rd of the team. Some will turn over half or more. Some will dissolve, and some new teams will be formed. It's not always because of anything bad or scandalous, it's just the nature of the beast at the A level.

So here's a question. We are leaning towards staying for the fall (and then seeing how it's going for spring), because my DD is getting lots of circle time which is our top priority, more than winning games, or anything else right now. Her pitching has improved a ton on this team because she's one of the go-to pitchers. That and really loving the team manager, I feel like she's learning enough to make it worth dealing with the diva for now. But I agree about keeping options open and have said that to my DH before. I just wonder how to balance that.

Sorry if this seems obvious or stupid but this is only our 2nd year having to look for a team - our first year of travel we just transitioned with our rec/All Stars coach. Do we go to tryouts even planning to probably stay put for fall? What do we tell our coach about that? It seems wise to have a back up plan regardless since teams fall apart all the time, especially when there are situations like this going on. It's a small world and he'll find out anyway I'm sure; I prefer just to be up front about things. If we told him we were just securing back up plans would he even believe us? Or is keeping options open just keeping our eyes on various teams? I'm doing that already of course.

Some days, I think going back to B would be so much easier. It was way less intense with this kind of thing. But DD has no interest in doing that. We have a really crappy record (2-24 in class I think, lol) so we didn't feel too bad about playing a B tournament a few weeks ago. We won, the girls got rings, and the first thing my DD said when we got in the car was, "I don't want to play any more tournaments like that one." So going back to B for my own sanity is not a very good option, tempting as it may be. lol

 

[CMMom1740]

Piggy-backing on the above, what is the etiquette regarding all of this? DD is on a B-team and loving her team, coaches, etc... We would like to attend some A-level tryouts to see if she's ready or not. It's no diss on our current team at all. If she's not ready for A-level for 14U, we will happily stay where we are next year. What's the best way to express this to a coach without being insulting? Or do we even say anything at all? Help!

 

[grcsftbll]

Piggy-backing on the above, what is the etiquette regarding all of this? DD is on a B-team and loving her team, coaches, etc... We would like to attend some A-level tryouts to see if she's ready or not. It's no diss on our current team at all. If she's not ready for A-level for 14U, we will happily stay where we are next year. What's the best way to express this to a coach without being insulting? Or do we even say anything at all? Help!

We did this last year. We'd been with our coach from 6U rec, through 8U rec, all stars, and travel. He and his wife had become friends of ours but we wanted to play at a higher level than they wanted. We were just honest about it. We wanted to give A ball a shot and see how we all liked it, that of course he was an awesome coach and we would miss him. There was some awkwardness at first but it passed and we're still friends. We've picked up with their team a few times since and it's been really fun for the girls to play together again, especially since his dd is catching now. They've come to watch my dd play a couple of times and I think they get it. That's how we handled it anyway.

 

[junkball]

So here's a question. We are leaning towards staying for the fall (and then seeing how it's going for spring), because my DD is getting lots of circle time which is our top priority, more than winning games, or anything else right now. Her pitching has improved a ton on this team because she's one of the go-to pitchers. That and really loving the team manager, I feel like she's learning enough to make it worth dealing with the diva for now. But I agree about keeping options open and have said that to my DH before. I just wonder how to balance that.

Sorry if this seems obvious or stupid but this is only our 2nd year having to look for a team - our first year of travel we just transitioned with our rec/All Stars coach. Do we go to tryouts even planning to probably stay put for fall? What do we tell our coach about that? It seems wise to have a back up plan regardless since teams fall apart all the time, especially when there are situations like this going on. It's a small world and he'll find out anyway I'm sure; I prefer just to be up front about things. If we told him we were just securing back up plans would he even believe us? Or is keeping options open just keeping our eyes on various teams? I'm doing that already of course.

Some days, I think going back to B would be so much easier. It was way less intense with this kind of thing. But DD has no interest in doing that. We have a really crappy record (2-24 in class I think, lol) so we didn't feel too bad about playing a B tournament a few weeks ago. We won, the girls got rings, and the first thing my DD said when we got in the car was, "I don't want to play any more tournaments like that one." So going back to B for my own sanity is not a very good option, tempting as it may be. lol

1. Yes, I would attend other tryouts. Communicate with your coaches and be upfront and honest and have a confidential conversation with them. If they can't handle the honesty and return it with honesty, it should tell you something. Say something like "we are wanting to stay, but I need to get a sense of who will be on the team next year. Are you not inviting certain players back, are you recruiting players and have any hot leads? Where does my DD fit in assuming so-and-so or so-and-so don't come back, or you add so-and-so?" Or something like that to let him know that you're not going to just jump in blind for next season. Tell them you are looking around because chances are they will hear about it if you are actively looking. Better they hear it from you than hear it from someone else that you went to this tryout or that tryout. And if you follow #3 below, I'm sure people will see you talking to other coaches, or see other coaches watching your DD and talking about her. If your coach has a problem with this then I would have a problem with the coach. You have fulfilled and are fulfilling your commitment for this year. They are asking for a new 10 month, $1,000+ plus commitment. As a coach I have zero problem with you shopping around, but once you pick a team be committed to that team.

2. when you are at lessons talk with your instructors about what they are hearing. Most of them have their ear to the ground pretty good and can network and know who/what coaches/orgs are moving, leaving, starting, etc. They can talk to other parents they might do lessons with that are on other teams and can give you some info.

3. network now. Next tournament you are at, if there is a team that is on your "we would consider it" list, find a coach on the team, introduce yourself. Ask them if they will be looking for players for next year and what the process will be. Tell them who your DD is (but do NOT start a 15 minute bragging session - just a simple "she's #XX on ABC team and plays SS and P). Maybe drop in what time your next game is and mention she'll be pitching, if she is scheduled to. If the opportunity comes up, exchange contact information but don't seem pushy about getting their number. If they are looking for players, they will find some time over the weekend to watch your DD and if they are interested they will find you and let you know. Let her sell her, don't try to do it for her. Be honest that you are seeing what options are out there for next fall and if you are leaning at staying or looking to leave.

4. do not cross any team off your list or put a star next to one as the front runner because of how they currently look. I have seen horrible teams in the summer that turned their roster 75% over and are now one of the top teams with the same coaches. And there was a top team last year that lost their best players and is horrible this year.

5. take what you hear from other parents with a grain of salt. Most are looking out for one girl - theirs.

 

[junkball]

Piggy-backing on the above, what is the etiquette regarding all of this? DD is on a B-team and loving her team, coaches, etc... We would like to attend some A-level tryouts to see if she's ready or not. It's no diss on our current team at all. If she's not ready for A-level for 14U, we will happily stay where we are next year. What's the best way to express this to a coach without being insulting? Or do we even say anything at all? Help!

Honesty and open communication with him. If he is concerned about winning trophies, he will get upset. If he is happy for her and can take pride in seeing someone he helped develop from a B player to an A player, then he will understand and will be encouraging.

 

[CMMom1740]

He's definitely not a trophy hunter. We only won one tournament this year, but we were down a pitcher half a year. He's a great guy. DD really just wants to compete at an even higher level. She may not be ready; I am not knowledgable enough to judge. We don't want to burn a bridge and would happily return if no A-level teams are interested.

 

[junkball]

He's definitely not a trophy hunter. We only won one tournament this year, but we were down a pitcher half a year. He's a great guy. DD really just wants to compete at an even higher level. She may not be ready; I am not knowledgable enough to judge. We don't want to burn a bridge and would happily return if no A-level teams are interested.

Then just say that.

Also, be careful you don't get sucked into an "A" team that is really a B team with an A level name or claim attached to it. Lots and lots and lots of those in Georgia. Teams that say they are A teams, or will be playing an A schedule, but end up more than just a few fries short of a happy meal. They always need #1 pitchers, a catcher, and utility players that can hit for power. Don't fall in to that trap.

 

[grcsftbll]

Thank you, junkball! Lots of good info, I'll have Dh read it also.

 

[CMMom1740]

Yes! That's my thought process too. We would only jump ship at this point if it was to teams that consistently play A ball (I've been keeping tabs on it through the USSSA tournament site; just keeping track of what teams consistently play at that level). One of the "big 3" or something close to that level.