Dealing with the team diva

[Crystal Brown]

This is not always the truth. My DD was a pitcher and on every team she played for, she ended up in the #1 spot. She never wanted to be the #1. Her dad was AC for a couple years, then HC. He was always trying to find a #1 because she really didn't want to be. He would give other pitchers every chance in the world, because it was less heartache for her NOT to pitch. He even had 2 pitchers that he planned on pitching 80% of the time. Sadly, they threw hard and were inconsistent or always injured, so she ended up #1 anyway. She now HATES pitching. Not all dad coaches are what you imply.

She didn't want to pitch but still pitched...now hates pitching. I wonder if it would be different if she wanted to be a pitcher? Every single team that my daughter has played on, the coaches kid played the position they wanted. Normally it was ss, catcher or pitcher...could there be exception...yes.

 

[riseball]

And maybe I'm reaching here, I don't know. But especially considering how few teams at this age level are coached by a non-parent (and any team could have this going on and you wouldn't necessarily be able to tell in advance), isn't there value in them learning how to deal with difficult people? Someday she'll grow up and get a job and there will be some bossy, know it all co-worker she will have to work with.

I agree that there is a valuable life lesson to be learned regarding dealing with "difficult" people. However, what if the equivalent behavior that is seen on some teams with divas and/or coaches were to occur in your place of employment? By any reasonable standard some of the behavior seen in youth softball would be considered unacceptable and would not be tolerated. In some extreme cases it might even be illegal. Before we ask a young lady on a softball team to stick it out, deal with it, learn from it, etc. we should ask what we would do when faced first thing Monday morning with a similar situation? I think that most of us might not be very accommodating of the behavior. The life lesson may involve dealing with "difficult" people, or it may be that some behavior is never to be tolerated.

 

[grcsftbll]

I agree that there is a valuable life lesson to be learned regarding dealing with "difficult" people. However, what if the equivalent behavior that is seen on some teams with divas and/or coaches were to occur in your place of employment? By any reasonable standard some of the behavior seen in youth softball would be considered unacceptable and would not be tolerated. In some extreme cases it might even be illegal. Before we ask a young lady on a softball team to stick it out, deal with it, learn from it, etc. we should ask what we would do when faced first thing Monday morning with a similar situation? I think that most of us might not be very accommodating of the behavior. The life lesson may involve dealing with "difficult" people, or it may be that some behavior is never to be tolerated.

Yeah, that's a good point.

 

[Sparky Guy]

I agree that there is a valuable life lesson to be learned regarding dealing with "difficult" people. However, what if the equivalent behavior that is seen on some teams with divas and/or coaches were to occur in your place of employment? By any reasonable standard some of the behavior seen in youth softball would be considered unacceptable and would not be tolerated. In some extreme cases it might even be illegal. Before we ask a young lady on a softball team to stick it out, deal with it, learn from it, etc. we should ask what we would do when faced first thing Monday morning with a similar situation? I think that most of us might not be very accommodating of the behavior. The life lesson may involve dealing with "difficult" people, or it may be that some behavior is never to be tolerated.

In the working world they have a name for it. Nepotism!! I've only had to deal with it one time, Fortunately, it was not directly. Just saw a lot of the BS that comes with it.

My wife is dealing with it right now. Owner's DD is a princess. Calls off all the time. Will only work a certain and limited number of hours. Will not take care of the responsibilities the position demands. Taking care of personal issues on the job. Things a regular employee would be terminated for.

For the OP, in the case of softball there is an end is sight. The end of the season is near. As others have suggested doing. You need to determine the relationship between the HC and the AC. You need to determine his willingness to move away from the Daddy Ball situation before starting that conversation with him.

 

[JAD]

My $0.02..

The majority of TB coaches will always be a mom/dad, especially at the younger age groups.
Coaches who do not have a DD on a team, but give lessons, can be just as bad if not worse.
Best advice is to try to avoid having your DD compete for playing time with the coaches DDs.
The grass is not always greener on the other side
Whatever you decide try to maximize the circle time your DD will receive if she really wants to be a pitcher.

 

[CMMom1740]

At 10U, I would definitely stick it out until the end of the season (not sure if that was a question), but I would attend other try-outs. I don't personally have the time or mental energy to organize a mutiny and wouldn't do so at that age group. Too many potential bridges to burn with lots of years to go if your DD wants to play all the way through 18U. Just zip your lip and move on to the next team for 12U. And try to avoid teams where HC's DD is a pitcher.

 

[grcsftbll]

At 10U, I would definitely stick it out until the end of the season (not sure if that was a question), but I would attend other try-outs. I don't personally have the time or mental energy to organize a mutiny and wouldn't do so at that age group. Too many potential bridges to burn with lots of years to go if your DD wants to play all the way through 18U. Just zip your lip and move on to the next team for 12U. And try to avoid teams where HC's DD is a pitcher.

Definitely 100% not leaving mid-season. Or rather, end-season. We have 2 local tournaments and then a world series left and that's it. Not something we would even consider at this point.

The idea of finding a new team for fall is exhausting. I really don't want to. I don't see trying to organize a mutiny, too many down sides even if I wanted to. I didn't know the HC's daughter pitched when we joined the team. First off I didn't know he was the head coach - it was presented as the older coach without a child on the team was the HC, and the guy with the diva was the AC. So far, that part (pitching time) hasn't been a problem. It's more the rest of it, the attitude, show-boating, & lack of consequences, the anger it inspires in most of the other parents (including other ACs), which leads to tension and drama. Now that I'm really thinking about it, that's what's bothering me most, more than the diva behavior itself (annoying as that is). It's how everyone seems unhappy and pissed off all the time lately.

Are there any 10U teams where both the parents & kids are happy and there's no drama? That would be lovely...I think I might be dreaming though.

 

[CMMom1740]

In that case, I guess your choices are a) stay with the team and just deal with it or b) try to be proactive in some way, whether that be to speak to the HC yourself, try to get a couple of parents together to speak to HC, or some other variation thereof or c) find another team for fall. If it's really that bad, you shouldn't have trouble finding other parents to speak to HC about it being a distraction. Now, putting on my psychologist hat briefly, you could also consider a positive alternative such as hosting a sleepover for the team and doing some team-building activities. Maybe a ropes course, the Escape Room, or some other deal where there cannot be too many cooks in the kitchen. Diva needs to learn that, no matter how awesome she may really be, she cannot handle the whole field herself. Even taking the kids to the lake and letting them tube, water ski, etc... would be great in terms of getting them away from the field but still letting them interact and bond. Just an idea.

ETA: And have a fun party for the parents simultaneously. Margaritas/beer on the dock while the kids go out on the boat could be a lot of fun.

 

[grcsftbll]

I love the positive approach. Great ideas

 

[Strike2]

Are there any 10U teams where both the parents & kids are happy and there's no drama? That would be lovely...I think I might be dreaming though.

Sure there are, but that never lasts for long, and that applies to all age groups. Kids and parents all have their personalities...some good and some bad. Whenever you put them into a competitive environment, there's going to be tension and drama eventually.

Most teams have at least one diva, and at least one parent who is psycho. Often, they are related.