Daddy Ball

[Country Boy]

During my last year of coaching 18U, both my 18 yr old DD and 16 yr old DD were on the team. DD#2 was my #3 P. Until about half way through when DD#1 told me that her Sister needed to pitch more on Sunday's. Then both the C's did. Then I realized that I was making excuses for reasons not to pitch my DD. Talk about Daddyball. That was Daddydumb.

 

[chrispots]

Not defending your parents, but having the 4th-best OBA doesn't justify that a player bat third. How did she rank in batting avg and slugging pct?

Slugging % at 9U? This is the land where the swinging bunt is a dangerous weapon and many 3rd baseman can't make a throw to 1st (so I don't calculate BA either because 50% of the "hits" were likely errors). In 53 games last year there were 12 legit doubles, 2 legit triples and 2 HR's for the whole team. How did we win? Bunting, base running and simple, solid defense. So why did she bat 3rd? My DD had the 2nd fewest K's on the team (leadoff hitter had the fewest) and was 2nd in bunts for base hits (again behind leadoff hitter), 2nd in doubles (2) behind clean up hitter (4) - that's why she batted 3rd. This year, she bats 5th because of the improvement of some of the players (see below) and the addition of 2 new players. With this years team, the flow is better, If the flow was better with her batting 9th, then she would bat 9th. She's also gained 10 pounds and grew 5" since last July. In 19 games so far, she's 2nd in RBI's and tied for first in extra base hits with the girl who now bats 3rd. Incidentally, my #3 hitter batted between 7th and 10th last year. Huge strides with her at the plate and in the field. She's gone from a girl who struggled with catching and throwing to where she now rotates between 1B, 3B and catcher.

My #2 hitter batted in 9-12 spot range last year. My cleanup hitter this year batted last - yes LAST - for me all of last year. My point: I'm not that guy who is playing daddy ball. As girls improve at the plate or in the field, I move them appropriately.

I have no delusions of grandeur for my DD...but just to get folks to keep an eyebrow raised at me...yes, she's also my #1 pitcher too (are those DFP villagers at my door with sickles and pitch forks? LMAO)...If JavaSource sees this he can verify she's got talent. I've got 3 others that I'm developing as pitchers and would foresee at least 1 of them (possibly 2 of them) overtaking my DD as the #1 by mid-season...and yes, I'm OK with that because the team - NOT DD - comes first...

All in good fun...CP

 

[chrispots]

Are non-parent teams prevalent in your neck of the woods?

There are maybe a hand full in our whole area...most of which are coaches coming back through for a 2nd time after their last DD finished up at 18U.

Just curious...CP

 

[chrispots]

I have had good experiences with a parent coach and bad experience with non-parent coach. Best experience is someone who is tracking performance, makes expectations known and is even handed when expectations are not met. This can be a parent or not- but as your DD's parent- it is YOUR job to do the homework to find out what the coach's style is, and make sure you are clear on how decisions are made by the coach on the team...

Very well said!

CP

 

[riseball]

Unless I really know the player and parents I will not pick them up as regulars until they have attended some practices and 1 - 2 tournaments. That way everybody knows what they are getting into. People should try before they buy.

 

[CoogansBluff]

Slugging % at 9U?

10U is a little different. Good point.

I trust that you're doing the right thing w/ your DD. Wasn't second-guessing that. Just saying that parents who already are skeptical might not be appeased by OBA alone. Takes more to tell the whole story.

Now you're making me want to go back and find my stats from 10U. I definitely had girls who could hit it much harder than others, but can't honestly remember how many legit extra-base hits we had. I do remember a 9-year-old hitting one out against us. That was pretty humbling. Wonder where she is now. Strong girl.

 

[chrispots]

CB,

I kid you not when I say I pour my soul into this for "my girls." I want them all to succeed. I'm giving lessons\extra help to girls that want it in my basement 2-3 days\week. I make sure a parent is present so they can reinforce what we cover. This is no different than what I do with my own DD.

I understand your perspective on OBA alone...as we move forward next year into 12U land, stat keeping will become more sophisticated for sure. We are playing 12U for the next 6 weeks indoors (getting killed as a 10U team) and am teaching some of this stuff to my DW in prep of this for next year...I'm a stat freak!

As for stats at 10U...funny stuff...we have 4 "home runs" this year on dropped 3rd strikes (no I don't count them like that but it makes me laugh every time we get one). As for the girls that hit it harder than others...it's incredible what some of these youngins' can do! We had a 10 year old 1 hop the fence in right field last year...oh, we were playing on a college diamond and the fence was marked 190 down the line <gulp> It was actually really awesome to watch...CP

 

[javasource]

If JavaSource sees this he can verify she's got talent.

Yep. She's got talent. Spins that ball like it's nobody's business.

This is quite the thread. If Chris hadn't called me out... I probably would let this one be... but... DAMN YOU, CHRIS!!!

Just an observation... and this is not a personal attack on anyone... just a coaches perspective.

AGAIN... just a DIFFERENT perspective. If you read this as negative... well... perhaps that's the problem...

I've coached for awhile... and what I hear on the sidelines is the same stuff I'm hearing on this thread. I see kids playing the game and parents talking about it... from the sidelines. I hear all about the ability of this kid, that kid, and... all sorts of crazy stuff...

"she threw 50 at home last night, coach... can't figure out why she's throwing 35 today."
"She hits a ton, coach... Honey! Get both feet in the batters box!"
"My daughter lives and breathes softball... Honey!!! The ball! Not the butterflies!!!"
"She's the best shortstop they have... just has a hard time moving laterally."
"A to C, Honey! Put that bat on the ball!"
"She's ready to start, coach... couldn't get any practice in last week... my schedule was crazy."
"This is bs... he's got her batting 9th..."
"I can't coach, I have a full-time job. I wonder how he does it?"
"Just throw strikes, honey! Release it a little later..."
"She's a little timid with the ball... she's their best third baseman..."
"The third strike rule is stupid... the nerve... asking a catcher to catch a strike..."

I hear lots of parents talking...

Point being... as a coach or parent... I can't control any of that crap, but I can control my experience and POSITIVELY influence hers (DD). I can make sure that all my daughter sees is support, encouragement, and an expectation of her that is slightly higher than her own. If I can control my emotions, I can expect her to. If she asks me a question, I better give her the right answer. If she is giving 100% effort... than why in the heck am I not giving 120%?!

Look, I get it... the world is full of idiots. Just don't forget... that this perception can be universally applied. If her team is run by a bunch of idiots... should I really subject her to that?

In the words of Old Ben: "Who's the more foolish? The fool... or the fool who follows?"

When I hear parents say: "I don't have the time." what I actually hear is: "I'm going to be a pain in your a$$, not help, complain, and... don't be surprised if my DD is developmentally behind with a bad attitude."

Here's another consideration... how do you think it is to be the daughter of a coach? Easy cheesey? What's it like, socially? Do you think the comments made by parents TO their own children don't reach the ears of the coaches daughter? Guess who often feels the most pressure to perform... and questions their own adequacy regularly?

Truth is, communities are falling apart. Leagues are collapsing... all because people 'don't have the time'... and the time they do have is spent negatively deconstructing the efforts of others.

Do most coaches start because of their kids? Absolutely. And you? Do you think that parents make coaching enjoyable? Think again...

We have to ask ourselves... Am I being fair? Am I setting a good example? Am I better for criticizing those that dedicate their time to OTHER children, including the dedication of time to my own?

You ever wonder if everyone feels your way?... and If you got your way... what does that mean for the other player(s)?

As I read parents accounts of "the other people"... I've yet to read anything positive about the other kids that are getting more playing time... just that they make errors. ANd I'm not going to lie... whenever I hear negative... I look around and SEE negative. Too often... we try and sell ourselves as the victim... a positive person in a negative world. But the reality is that it's just more negativity that we're peddling off... only it's different... because... hmmm...

It's a crazy trend... but when we voice our displeasure in front of our kids... lo and behold... they learn to do the same thing.

When we compare our kid to another... we teach them comparison... NOT competition.
When we point out a fault in another, we expose one of our own.
Resolution is attained through actions... not complaints.
What is it we control... if we are controlled by others?

And lastly... how ironic is the derogatory phrase, "Daddy Ball"?

Just some thoughts to ponder on... wish you all the best. ~JS

 

[SoftballMom2]

Yep. She's got talent. Spins that ball like it's nobody's business.

This is quite the thread. If Chris hadn't called me out... I probably would let this one be... but... DAMN YOU, CHRIS!!!

Just an observation... and this is not a personal attack on anyone... just a coaches perspective.

AGAIN... just a DIFFERENT perspective. If you read this as negative... well... perhaps that's the problem...

I've coached for awhile... and what I hear on the sidelines is the same stuff I'm hearing on this thread. I see kids playing the game and parents talking about it... from the sidelines. I hear all about the ability of this kid, that kid, and... all sorts of crazy stuff...

"she threw 50 at home last night, coach... can't figure out why she's throwing 35 today."
"She hits a ton, coach... Honey! Get both feet in the batters box!"
"My daughter lives and breathes softball... Honey!!! The ball! Not the butterflies!!!"
"She's the best shortstop they have... just has a hard time moving laterally."
"A to C, Honey! Put that bat on the ball!"
"She's ready to start, coach... couldn't get any practice in last week... my schedule was crazy."
"This is bs... he's got her batting 9th..."
"I can't coach, I have a full-time job. I wonder how he does it?"
"Just throw strikes, honey! Release it a little later..."
"She's a little timid with the ball... she's their best third baseman..."
"The third strike rule is stupid... the nerve... asking a catcher to catch a strike..."

I hear lots of parents talking...

Point being... as a coach or parent... I can't control any of that crap, but I can control my experience and POSITIVELY influence hers (DD). I can make sure that all my daughter sees is support, encouragement, and an expectation of her that is slightly higher than her own. If I can control my emotions, I can expect her to. If she asks me a question, I better give her the right answer. If she is giving 100% effort... than why in the heck am I not giving 120%?!

Look, I get it... the world is full of idiots. Just don't forget... that this perception can be universally applied. If her team is run by a bunch of idiots... should I really subject her to that?

In the words of Old Ben: "Who's the more foolish? The fool... or the fool who follows?"

When I hear parents say: "I don't have the time." what I actually hear is: "I'm going to be a pain in your a$$, not help, complain, and... don't be surprised if my DD is developmentally behind with a bad attitude."

Here's another consideration... how do you think it is to be the daughter of a coach? Easy cheesey? What's it like, socially? Do you think the comments made by parents TO their own children don't reach the ears of the coaches daughter? Guess who often feels the most pressure to perform... and questions their own adequacy regularly?

Truth is, communities are falling apart. Leagues are collapsing... all because people 'don't have the time'... and the time they do have is spent negatively deconstructing the efforts of others.

Do most coaches start because of their kids? Absolutely. And you? Do you think that parents make coaching enjoyable? Think again...

We have to ask ourselves... Am I being fair? Am I setting a good example? Am I better for criticizing those that dedicate their time to OTHER children, including the dedication of time to my own?

You ever wonder if everyone feels your way?... and If you got your way... what does that mean for the other player(s)?

As I read parents accounts of "the other people"... I've yet to read anything positive about the other kids that are getting more playing time... just that they make errors. ANd I'm not going to lie... whenever I hear negative... I look around and SEE negative. Too often... we try and sell ourselves as the victim... a positive person in a negative world. But the reality is that it's just more negativity that we're peddling off... only it's different... because... hmmm...

It's a crazy trend... but when we voice our displeasure in front of our kids... lo and behold... they learn to do the same thing.

When we compare our kid to another... we teach them comparison... NOT competition.
When we point out a fault in another, we expose one of our own.
Resolution is attained through actions... not complaints.
What is it we control... if we are controlled by others?

And lastly... how ironic is the derogatory phrase, "Daddy Ball"?

Just some thoughts to ponder on... wish you all the best. ~JS

Thank you Java!!!! Great post! REALLY EXCELLENT ADVICE!! I used to coach my DD when she was young but stopped because I didnt want anyone to ever doubt her position, playing time or ability.. I believed she needed to fly on her own. SHE had to go after HER dreams and work to get to where she wanted. I didnt want her to be subjected to criticism BECAUSE of me..She plays for dad coaches right now but she has earned her spot,others respect her work ethic ajd talent and she works hard every day on her sport because SHE loves it and wants to be a great player. I applaud the coaches who dedicate themselves to our kids. I have heard many quotes you mentioned and in her early days I am ashamed I am have uttered one or two in my head but I no longer stress what I cannot control..i sit back and enjoy my child's joy in playing her sport and try to always be 100% positive..its a much happier experience and i am content knowing in the grand scheme of life....it's all good...and i am grateful i have a healthy DD who CAN play..Some people are not as lucky..like my DD friend who died from cancer at 13

 

[colin]

i don't know why "daddyball" has a negative connotation but around here if dads did not coach there would be no teams and a player cannot play on a rep team if they do not play on a rec team