A question for coaches

[Hillhouse]

This is an open question to private coaches out there. Not necessarily restricted only to pitching coaches because I know there are some hitting instructors who read this forum as well. I welcome their thoughts as well, I truly don't know what to do or how to handle this anymore. Here it goes:

How do you handle a student of yours that is disrespectful towards her parents during the lesson? Let me give you an example for the scenario which will set the stage for my question and how you would respond or what you would do. The mother or the father says something to the pitcher during her lesson, It could be anything but let's just say she was leaning forward at the release. So the parent says "Sally you were leaning over as you release the ball". The girl replies with a nasty look "shut up I know!!!"

Now the parent has virtually no reaction. Maybe the parent gets nasty in return, maybe not.

Either way do you as a coach ever step in and discipline the kid for being disrespectful to parents? Or would you feel it's out of bounds to do that especially if the parent isn't taking care of the situation for themselves. I mean if the parent lets the kid get away with that then who are we to step in and do something?
Or say something! Instinctively I want to tell that kid that her disrespect will not be tolerated during my lesson, Even though the disrespect is not aimed at me. But it's a very slippery slope to discipline someone else's kid especially when they are right there and don't seem to handle it for themselves.

Pardon any grammatical errors I am doing this post on my phone via voice text. But I thought I would send this now and periodically tonight look at the replies. Then again I'm sure Hal already has a chapter dedicated to this in his book, I'm just too lazy to read it!!

Bill

 

[redhotcoach]

A lot of teen girls act like that. IMO they are mostly embarrassed in front of their coach. I have a parent rule "be seen, not heard." You want parents there, but don't want several different instructions coming at the girls. Saying things like that is unacceptable for a kid, but I can imagine they are probably nervous and impulsive.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

Seriously, I agree with RHC.

It has happened a few times at practice, I've learned a firm "HEY, you're not going to speak to adults in that manner around me" shuts both the kid and the parents up fast and for a long time.

How they treat each other away from me is their business. Just like any part of sports ( pitching hitting fielding ) if the kid "hears" something from another adult, it tends to sink in more than from their own parent even if it's the same dang words.

It is a slippery slope, some parents might be grateful and some would take offense you spoke to poor pitiful little Sally in such a disgraceful way.

 

[2bucketdad]

I tell my players or students they are not going to talk to there parents like that in my presents, period, I don't have any control over what you do when you are not in my presents but while you are working with me if your parents or another coach speak to you you are going to answer with yes sir, no sir, yes mam, no mam, and yes coach or no coach and no child that is a student of mine will address an adult by there first name without Mr. Mrs. or Coach before the name.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

This does happen every once in a while. I say "OK. Focus here. You guys can argue in the car."

For what it is worth, my soon to be 3YO granddaughter, started the "Shut up" stuff, last night. It was to show off in front of her mom. If she does it today, she will stand in the corner and my discipline choices escalate from there. I wouldn't be here right now, if I had told either of my parents, to shut up.

 

[starsnuffer]

I've had this happen before. Luckily, many years ago I observed a much more experienced coach deal with this kind of situation in a way that I thought was correct and effective. I used the same technique.

The first time this kind of thing happens, the coach should temporarily suspend the session to give a cool off period, usually, "Sally go get a drink" is sufficient. Phrased in this manner, it is a clear and concise instruction from the coach. The student will usually obey this instruction and go take a water break. This gives the coach the chance to ask the parent "Are we okay? Is there anything we need to discuss?". Usually after the break cooler heads will prevail, this gives the coach a chance to determine if it was an outburst borne of frustration or if it is a systematic behavior problem. Either one of these pertain to pitching and mental athletic strength so they are teachable incidents.

The next time this happens, the coach should end the session and tell the student to "see them in their office". I realize that the "office" is a loose term here, especially for a traveling instructor, but if possible try to make it a situation where the glove is off and you are not standing in the pitching lane. You want a small change of scenery, even if it is the bleachers, dugout, or outside the building. It is important to have another adult present to observe. This can be the parent, but preferably it is not.

Once "in the office", tell the student what you have observed and what you have deemed inappropriate behavior. Explain to them why you have chosen to coach and what you expect of your student. Explain to them that you have a long waiting list of students would would love to have this time slot. Let the student know that their time and their parents money would be better spent elsewhere and that you will not tolerate this kind of behavior in the future. Explain that you want to help, and that you do not want to end the relationship, but that you have rules and expect them to be followed. Let the student know that should this behavior ever reoccur, you will end the session early. Give the student a chance to talk, they'll likely make some excuses and promises. Be clear that your expectations remain.

After this, bring in the parent (if they are not there already) and repeat the rules and consequences that you have laid out. The parent will either agree or disagree with this approach, either way, the path forward is clear. They either function under your rules, or they take their business elsewhere.

In short, it is not your job to discipline the student, but it is your job to maintain your coaching standards.

I recently attended a session on mental strength during pitching with Tori Nyberg. One of the things she spoke about was how distractions influence our pitching. She had the pitchers present list all of their distractions. "Dad" and "Mom" were tops among the list. She then gave them tools to use to deal distractions. I'm sure you have tools of your own. This may be an opportunity to teach this aspect of the game to your student.

Most of the kids we coach will never go on to become collegiate or professional athletes. The best we can do is give our students tools that they can apply to other aspects of their life and hope that they are better people because of it. I know that I, and many other coaches get thanked all the time by people we used to coach for the impact that we have had on their lives. . . and very very few of those people are still playing competitive sports.

Good luck!

-W

 

[GunnerShotgun]

I would not tolerate coaching/critiquing from a parent during a lesson. They can do that on their own time at home. Having said that I am also providing a service for which I am being paid so if a parent has a question I want them to ask so they understand what we are trying to accomplish. I only get the player for an hour a week; the parent has them the rest of the time.

I would definitely not tolerate a player under my instruction to be disrespectful to anyone during our one hour. I would discretely discuss it with the player afterwards letting them know that it was unacceptable and it should cease going forward. I wouldn’t make a huge deal about it as the player will most likely be embarrassed. If it happens again I would have a discrete discussion with the parent concerning the issue. If it happens again, strike three they are out.

I always tell my DD when I drop her off for hitting lessons she should act like its Christmas morning. There are lots of girls that can’t afford or don’t have the means to have their own hitting coach. I always tell her to pay attention, be respectful, and have fun.

 

[JAD]

........

 

[halskinner]

Running out of fodder for your site?

 

[RubberBiscuit]

Life is too short to feel uncomfortable around disrespect. You tell them this is the way I can work with both of you (DD & parent) or there is the door.

Of course I am not relying on this for income which might change my approach.....