I wouldn't tolerate it. My kids wouldn't do that and I wouldn't accept disrespect from somebody I am trying to help. This type of kid needs discipline and although you aren't going to change what they do when they leave you, you can demand respectful interactions when they are with you. When coaching a team, you can't let the inmates run the assylum. We don't tolerate non sense between teammates, with fans or players from other teams. Somewhat different but the theme is the same.
A question for coaches
- Thread starter Hillhouse
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- Nov 29, 2009
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Had almost the exact situation happen a couple of weeks ago. As the girl was packing her gear up mom told her to make sure she picked up a piece of her equipment. The girl told her mom "Shut up, I know." right in front of me. I immediately stopped and looked at the girl and asked her what she just said. Of course I just got a blank stare back. Then I let her know I will not tolerate her being disrespectful to her mother in front of me. Then I laid into her about her mom didn't have to take away from her time to bring her to the lessons. Mom didn't have to spend her money on lessons. Mom didn't have to spend her money for her to play softball. Then I finished with if she can't respect her own mother how will I know she'll respect me or any of her teammates in the future?
I did this in front of mom who looked shocked by what the girl just said. The girl is a type A personality and the parents are divorced. Mom has her hands full with the girl. I wanted to make sure the girl knew just how lucky she was. Mom mouthed a thank you to me as they were leaving.
I did this in front of mom who looked shocked by what the girl just said. The girl is a type A personality and the parents are divorced. Mom has her hands full with the girl. I wanted to make sure the girl knew just how lucky she was. Mom mouthed a thank you to me as they were leaving.
Gbucz
WNY native now in Charlotte, NC
I thought more about this after our lesson tonight. I like that you feel instinctive to reprimand the kid. I agree with the others in that you have the right - and power - to tell the child that the disrespect will not be tolerated. I also go along with Hal's comments about your reputation - YOU have a standard and the student needs to live up to it!
Many of the college coaches we have talked with about recruiting say they key on the character aspect of the potential recruit. If they see a girl leaving equipment for parents, talking back to parents, demanding things from parents then they are quickly removed from the recruiting list as trouble. Since these coaches may talk to you about your student you want to be sure you can say she is coachable, has excellent character, good grades and pitching ability. If she is disrespectful to her parents in front of you then how will she be in front of the college coaches? What would she expect you to tell the coaches about her?
Your style of humor and casual comments makes it easy for kids to feel comfortable but it can also be misinterpreted as just like family and home. If that disrespect is in the home environment you are not going to change it but you may have it go away for you during lessons. As such, you are not really disciplining them or overstepping your bounds - you are merely setting expectations.
This is also an issue most of us school teachers experience with problem children. Welcome to the 'Simpsons' and 'South Park' generation of kids!!
Rhc and I have similarities in that the parents are to be involved but should stay quiet during practice. I want the parents involved and on board with my instructions so they can go home and reinforce them. As far as the disrespectful kids... I'm a 10 year Army vet. and I let them both know right out of the gate what will not be tolerated. They signed up knowing what to expect and what's expected from them. This can be avoided by holding a team conference at the beginning of each season, I'll explain what they can expect of me and I have them both sign a contract stating my expectations of them. Including their behavior, progress, and commitment to the program. I will never condone disrespect... especially from a kid to her parent.
- Apr 25, 2010
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I'll fess up... my kid is has been guilty of this. Rather than cause a scene and embarrass everyone present, I have postponed reaction until we got home. Believe me, she paid dearly. Hopefully, she will forever remember those consequences. So far so good...lol.
That being said, I agree with Starsnuffer's approach. It makes your expectations more than clear.
That being said, I agree with Starsnuffer's approach. It makes your expectations more than clear.
Last edited:
- Aug 21, 2008
- 2,393
- 113
Thank you everyone. First let me clear a few things up... this incident did not happen to me, it was rhetorical. I have witnessed COUNTLESS acts of disrespect but the incident I referred to wasn't an actual event. It was really a scene to get feedback of similar circumstances.
While I didn't expect the conversation to go this direction, I'm going to clarify a difference that seems to exist between myself and many of you. There were a lot of comments about the parents being "seen and not heard" during your lessons. I didn't realize I take such a drastically different approach. NOT ALWAYS, but in many cases I want the parent participation in the lesson. I get to see this kid 30-60 minutes for a week (sometimes not even that much). I do my best to educate the parents as well as the pitcher since the parent is going to be working with her on the other days of the week. My last newsletter covered this very topic a few days ago. I want that parent to see and understand what we've been working on and how to identify the problem(s). Sometimes I get the parent(s) involved in the lesson for this reason. Nobody has to follow the same guidelines, but thats what I do. Quite often I ask the parent to see if they see the problem, Ask how if they remember our correction, etc. And I ALWAYS welcome questions from parents about who, what, when, where and WHY.
My newsletter article talked about this, about the parents preventing fights and the family feuds that occur which are unnecessary. I also believe in talking to the kids about how difficult pitching is and that everyone is trying to help them. If that conversation about how everyone only wants to help occurs before the emotions set in, the kid will accept it much easier than during the peak of the emotions when they are not pitching well or doing something wrong.
Thanks for the feedback everyone
Bill
While I didn't expect the conversation to go this direction, I'm going to clarify a difference that seems to exist between myself and many of you. There were a lot of comments about the parents being "seen and not heard" during your lessons. I didn't realize I take such a drastically different approach. NOT ALWAYS, but in many cases I want the parent participation in the lesson. I get to see this kid 30-60 minutes for a week (sometimes not even that much). I do my best to educate the parents as well as the pitcher since the parent is going to be working with her on the other days of the week. My last newsletter covered this very topic a few days ago. I want that parent to see and understand what we've been working on and how to identify the problem(s). Sometimes I get the parent(s) involved in the lesson for this reason. Nobody has to follow the same guidelines, but thats what I do. Quite often I ask the parent to see if they see the problem, Ask how if they remember our correction, etc. And I ALWAYS welcome questions from parents about who, what, when, where and WHY.
My newsletter article talked about this, about the parents preventing fights and the family feuds that occur which are unnecessary. I also believe in talking to the kids about how difficult pitching is and that everyone is trying to help them. If that conversation about how everyone only wants to help occurs before the emotions set in, the kid will accept it much easier than during the peak of the emotions when they are not pitching well or doing something wrong.
Thanks for the feedback everyone
Bill
I agree with what everyone says. Don't allow it, and as a coach, you need to step in and say something...yes, it's a valuable lesson to learn because it plays a role down the road when they are being observed by college scouts...and we all know what could happen if a scout observes disrespect towards a teammate, coach or parent. So nipping it in the bud early on is a favor to the player and the parent.
Cannonball
Ex "Expert"
- Feb 25, 2009
- 4,893
- 113
Bill you can have parents participate in the lesson while at the same time make sure that they aren't coaching their child. Think of it this way, in my classroom, when I teach some topic the student is trying to focus on what I am saying. If a parent interferes, it might hinder and not help them understand and so they may get frustrated. I have student observers come into class weekly from area colleges. I instruct my class while at the same time instruct the observers. My students have become accustomed to it.
I too try to teach parents what I teach my hitting students. I ask a lot of questions of both student and parent during a lesson. However, I want the interaction from both to be with me. What happens when the parent instructs the child with poor information? You have to correct them and so, in turn, lessen the crediability of the parent when the student and parent are working at home.
Per any disrespectful behavior. I am somewhat strict. I have never allowed it on any team I've coached or student in a lesson. In fact, I often tell the story of one of the single moms calling me one night because her son would not clean his room. I went over to his house and told him that his room would be cleaned or he'd be sent home to clean it during practice the next day. The room was cleaned.
As an FYI and most of you know this, I don't charge for lessons and do not pretend to be an expert. Therefore, I don't have to put up with any misbehavior in any of my lessons. If I don't like you as a student/player then you're not getting lessons.
I too try to teach parents what I teach my hitting students. I ask a lot of questions of both student and parent during a lesson. However, I want the interaction from both to be with me. What happens when the parent instructs the child with poor information? You have to correct them and so, in turn, lessen the crediability of the parent when the student and parent are working at home.
Per any disrespectful behavior. I am somewhat strict. I have never allowed it on any team I've coached or student in a lesson. In fact, I often tell the story of one of the single moms calling me one night because her son would not clean his room. I went over to his house and told him that his room would be cleaned or he'd be sent home to clean it during practice the next day. The room was cleaned.
As an FYI and most of you know this, I don't charge for lessons and do not pretend to be an expert. Therefore, I don't have to put up with any misbehavior in any of my lessons. If I don't like you as a student/player then you're not getting lessons.
Same here...if your in my house...its my rules. And disrespect is inappropriate.
Some things that are normal in other people's lives aren't normal in ours. My wife is a kindergarten teacher and its amazing...the lack parenting skills that is out there and the boundaries that some parents allow kids to cross.
I think its great to have the parent involved and learning to help... if they are a reasonable...balanced...sane person!
I will always try to point out the kids...what I consider right and wrong behavior...when their with me. The more normal parents appreciate it.
Some things that are normal in other people's lives aren't normal in ours. My wife is a kindergarten teacher and its amazing...the lack parenting skills that is out there and the boundaries that some parents allow kids to cross.
I think its great to have the parent involved and learning to help... if they are a reasonable...balanced...sane person!
I will always try to point out the kids...what I consider right and wrong behavior...when their with me. The more normal parents appreciate it.
