Here is the thing, if you and your dd think the coach is a bully. Nothing else really matters. Move her to a team with coaches who you are more comfortable with.
What to do about bullying coaches?
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My DD went thru a similar issue a few years back, but it wasn't just her, it was everyone on the team. The HS coach's philosophy, at the least the best I could tell, was one of I will berate and force you into playing better. Maybe this works for Navy Seal Team 6, but not for HS girls. I could at least understand the negativity if the issues were laziness, attitude, etc. But clearly not the case with this group. Hard working, dedicated group where nothing was ever good enough. So, basically what happened was either the kids learned to tune him out or they moved on. We lost many good ball players because of the coach.
IMO, with this 60's mentality of 'coaching' everyone loses.
IMO, with this 60's mentality of 'coaching' everyone loses.
- Jan 10, 2013
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Totally agree.
I hear ya, going through it this year except it isn't the WHOLE team, just a select 4-5 (yup DD is one of them). Believe me I don't have the goggles on. DD fld % is at .906, she plays RF and P. The CF has .790 FLD% and the LF has .800 FLD%. Both are Seniors, and have the lowest FLD% on the team. DD gets jawed at when she makes a mistake by the AC, but nothing to the others. He also really is on our C about blocking. Typically she has to block 3X as many balls as the opposing catcher, nothing is said to the pitchers about throwing so many balls in the dirt (my DD included). The DW is on me to talk to the HC, but as a coach myself I really want my DD to talk to them (She is a little timid, so is the C about approaching this subject). I could use some input on what to do
- Nov 29, 2009
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I tell all my players and parents right up front. If I see a player make a mistake I will stop and use it as a teaching moment. I will get the girls together and it will go something like. "Suzie didn't make that play. Here's what Suzie did wrong. This how the play should be done." So instead of trying to explain the same thing 12 times I show all of them as a group the mistake and the fix. Usually the weaker players will hear their names being called and corrected more than the stronger one.
Conversely, I will point it out to the whole team when a player does something right and use that as a model for the way a play needs to be done. I always put it in the context of something they've done and be sure to not make it about them on a personal level. Kids expect to make mistakes. They just want to be told how to fix it without being yelled at.
I WILL give a kid an earful if they are being lazy, day dreaming or acting up. If I have a discipline problem I handle that one on one away from earshot of the team. If I feel the problem merits it I will let the parent(s) know what happened.
Even with no kids on the team I've been accused of playing "favorites" by a parent more than once. They kept comparing their kids with another who was a better player. The kids are no longer playing travel ball after not being made the center piece in an exposure tournament.
Did you ever stop to think that the coaches may be riding your DD harder than the others because their expectations for your DD are higher than they are for the other girls......I tell my DD all the time, that when she needs to start worrying is when the coaches stop riding her, because that usually means they have given up on her!
A HS team is usually a mixed group of players, and the expectations from the A-level TB girls should be MUCH HIGHER than the expectations from the lower level TB and rec girls that are used to fill the roster. In middle school ball my DD was coached by a B-level TB coach, and instead of raising the expectation level for the B-level players, he "lowered" his expectations and the A-level girls on the team hated it....they felt like they were back in rec ball.
That is a great point JAD, but the HS team is filled with TB players (although all the Sr's didn't play last Summer). There isn't a player on the team that does not have TB experience.
It's a new coach, and she is coming off coaching JV2 teams for several years, the AC has been helping on Varsity for many years. Things are interesting to say the least. For an example; Out of 22 games, DD has hit in 7 of them 16 AB's total, batting .312 with 5 RBI and 4 runs. Last game she was DP'd for a player with over twice the AB's batting .037. And went 0-3. IDK, just a few games left.
Anyhoo JAD believe me I will use that to both the DD and our C... hopefully it will help them.
It's a new coach, and she is coming off coaching JV2 teams for several years, the AC has been helping on Varsity for many years. Things are interesting to say the least. For an example; Out of 22 games, DD has hit in 7 of them 16 AB's total, batting .312 with 5 RBI and 4 runs. Last game she was DP'd for a player with over twice the AB's batting .037. And went 0-3. IDK, just a few games left.
Anyhoo JAD believe me I will use that to both the DD and our C... hopefully it will help them.
Not all TB is created equal! There is a wide gap in talent level even between girls who play TB. In GA we have C-level (rec all star teams), low-B (usually one full year of TB under their belts), high-B (multiple years of TB), low-A (wins 90% of their games against B teams, but less than 30% of their games against A teams), and high-A (best of the best, with at least one ACE pitcher).
Team breakdowns
C - 10%
low B - 30%
high B - 30%
low A - 20%
high A - 10%
all really good points. I just wanted to add that I was not proposing a Mr. Rogers type approach. Not in the least and I am sure the girls on the team would not have wanted that either. These kids were competitive, mostly all TB girls. But what I do think is needed is balance and clear expectations, not brow beating, and more than anything is playing good softball and having fun. This team did not have fun, but they stuck it out for sake of their school and each other. And it's unfortunate because I think the coach was knowledgeable, but his style was so caustic, the kids shut down.
So from my perspective, the OP and his daughter have a decision to make. Move on or live with it. The coach is probably not going to change, so why be miserable.
So from my perspective, the OP and his daughter have a decision to make. Move on or live with it. The coach is probably not going to change, so why be miserable.
- May 10, 2010
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We can cut back on spending, cut a piece of paper, and even cut the grass. The hardest thing to cut is the cord. Not saying that coach is right or wrong. I just know how hard it was as a parent to give up fighting every battle for my child and athlete. My dd uses the philosophy that if the coach at yelling at her then he does not like her.
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