Unacceptable

[Momo'sDad]

Her coach uses the term "unacceptable" with her and the other girls quite liberally and I am finding that it really upsets both me and my daughter.

This language does not bother me, but you and I are different. So, I'd most likely counsel my DD differently than you would in this situation. At some point, my guess is that you'll find it healthier to separate your feelings from your daughter's. I understand that you're entitled to feel whatever you want, but it's also my belief that, as you describe him, this coach does not have the sort of style that suits YOU. On that count, you - as a parent - have every right to establish certain standards or feelings about how your daughter should be treated (within reason) and if a coach or program doesn't offer that, you should feel obliged to move on.

I am a firm believer in helping your player to find the right fit, so as you spend more time at tournaments this summer, don't be afraid to strike up conversations with parents on prospective teams. I don't know whether you've already done this, but you may be surprised to find out how honest people are willing to be about their situations, good, bad, or otherwise. Good luck!

 

[Amy in AZ.]

We are talking travel ball, aren't we?

 

[MNDad]

My daughter is a late start 14U player. She started last year at 12 and has done very well. She is playing on a 14U-B tournament team and holding her own but as happens is making some mistakes and has hit a slump at the plate.
Her coach uses the term "unacceptable" with her and the other girls quite liberally and I am finding that it really upsets both me and my daughter. He will tell them if they strike out that its unacceptable or if they make an error that its unacceptable. Now, I haven't played ball in too many years than I want to mention but I don't ever recall a coach ever telling me that anything I did was unacceptable other than maybe my attitude a time or two.
I want to confront the coach about this but before I do I thought I would get the opinion of you folks to see if I was was off base or if anyone else feels the same way I do.

Some coaches feel striking out looking is unacceptable or mental errors are unacceptable. Could it be this is what he means and he's either not communicsting it well or its being misinterpreted?

 

[cheer-mom]

Some coaches feel striking out looking is unacceptable or mental errors are unacceptable. Could it be this is what he means and he's either not communicsting it well or its being misinterpreted?

No, she went down swinging. He didn't give her any criticism or offer any advice as to why she missed just " unacceptable" I have come to the decision after all the helpful and non helpful advise and criticism from the members here that it is best to just deal with our differences and keep my mouth shut until we can move on.

 

[riseball]

No, she went down swinging. He didn't give her any criticism or offer any advice as to why she missed just " unacceptable" I have come to the decision after all the helpful and non helpful advise and criticism from the members here that it is best to just deal with our differences and keep my mouth shut until we can move on.

I think you are on the right course riding it out and then finding the right team. If you are not teaching, you are not coaching. If this was her school teacher and each time she failed at math problem he just said wrong and did not offer any help, by any measure it would be unacceptable. How is it any different between the lines?

 

[JAD]

I was just a bit irritated that the comment from striking out and not from just standing there and taking 3 called strikes was "unacceptable". I guess I expected some sort of coaching and guidance as to what she was doing wrong.

'
Striking out while swinging at good pitches is "acceptable" and happens all the time against good pitching (just watch the WCWS), taking a called strike 3, especially with runners in scoring position is "unacceptable" in my book...

 

[grcsftbll]

Going down looking makes me nuts but I'm not sure I'd even call that unacceptable. It happens! Going down swinging, no way. I don't want my kid afraid to swing. Could you maybe learn together to ignore the word? Change it into something else that's funny. When he says unacceptable you (and she) think, inconceivable! Funny if you're a Princess Bride can anyway. Take the sting out.

 

[Crystal Brown]

I think there is more to the story.


But on a serious note, if you and your daughter are unhappy with the team, then it is time to start looking for another team.

 

[JAD]

Going down looking makes me nuts but I'm not sure I'd even call that unacceptable. It happens! Going down swinging, no way. I don't want my kid afraid to swing. Could you maybe learn together to ignore the word? Change it into something else that's funny. When he says unacceptable you (and she) think, inconceivable! Funny if you're a Princess Bride can anyway. Take the sting out.

Just for clarification, my expectations of a 12U TB player and an 18U TB are different...

 

[Strike2]

Repeated use of "unacceptable" in the context of strike outs and errors by an individual appears one step removed from "catch the ball", "hit the ball", or "throw strikes". It's stating the obvious, and if the player doesn't already know it's "unacceptable", then THAT is the real problem. That word is best left to use with the team at the beginning of the next practice, as in "the number of strike outs and errors I'm seeing is unacceptable, and we're going to focus on fixing that".

Tread lightly with the coach, and if you do speak to him, speak only for your daughter. As a parent, never try to tell a coach what all his players are "perceiving".