THE WORKHORSE how do we find the healthy boundary?

[_MIA_]

Pattar, are you a perfectionist, by chance?

ETA: I tend to share a lot of what you describe. I’ve always attributed it to being a perfectionist. It does get completely exhausting.

No I wouldn't say I am/was a perfectionist. More like I was obsessed with working hard and sort built my own identity as somebody who was going to outwork everybody, to the detriment of everybody around me and myself. When I was a teenager on holidays I would sulk because instead of being able to practice I had to go visit family. In graduate school, my Mom and sister visited me during spring break and I basically ignored them the whole time because I had HW to do. I missed a flight to my sister-in-law's wedding because I was working on a journal paper at the airport and I didn't want to stop (I made it eventually)..crap like that. It was a selfish need to outwork everybody else when most of the time half the work would have been just as good and would not have hurt other things (and people) in my life. Thing was that whenever I "accomplished" whatever it was I was working on, be it athletics or academics, I never really felt any joy about it..it was like I was chasing rainbows.

I've gotten better over time but I still don't enjoy watching my DD play softball, because while I love working with her, I have a hard time enjoying the actual product of the work we do together. I go because she (usually...) wants me there and I love her.

 

[_MIA_]

Set the bar high why don’t you.....no pressure whatsoever!

I’ve got to admit, I have definitely called you a head case once or twice here, but that’s what makes your posts so interesting!

Thanks..I guess??

 

[ANNASDAD]

Thanks..I guess??

It’s a compliment! I think??

 

[InsidePitch]

No I wouldn't say I am/was a perfectionist. More like I was obsessed with working hard and sort built my own identity as somebody who was going to outwork everybody, to the detriment of everybody around me and myself. When I was a teenager on holidays I would sulk because instead of being able to practice I had to go visit family. In graduate school, my Mom and sister visited me during spring break and I basically ignored them the whole time because I had HW to do. I missed a flight to my sister-in-law's wedding because I was working on a journal paper at the airport and I didn't want to stop (I made it eventually)..crap like that. It was a selfish need to outwork everybody else when most of the time half the work would have been just as good and would not have hurt other things (and people) in my life. Thing was that whenever I "accomplished" whatever it was I was working on, be it athletics or academics, I never really felt any joy about it..it was like I was chasing rainbows.

I've gotten better over time but I still don't enjoy watching my DD play softball, because while I love working with her, I have a hard time enjoying the actual product of the work we do together. I go because she (usually...) wants me there and I love her.

Wow, I'm reading this and thinking it's DD all over.

 

[radness]

I feel like the name of the thread "how do we define a healthy boundary" is different than the meat of the post which is (me paraphrasing) organization..





Defining a healthy boundary only comes from observing your kid. Most kids will burn out of sport, its always been that way and will continue that way. The problem is when the workload burns out the kid vs lack of playing time/love of the sport does. Burning out due to workload is the problem that a parent can help with and what I believe the title of the thread implies.

One thing that I have learned through this process is just how long of a process this is, and my DD is only a freshman. I constantly fight the urge to try and solve all of my DD's "problems" at one time (right now). It's a blancing act. Wanting my DD to play like Sally AllAmerican at her age is not realistic. My goal is to have my DD playing to the best of her abilities by end of soph year. She works hard and is in the right place, just slow and steady work will hopefully get us there.

M-2hrs water polo
T-2hrs HS softball, 1hr Strength & Cond, 1hr batting
W-2hrs water polo, church
Th-2hrs HS softball, 1hr S&C (sometimes), 1hr catching
Fr-2hrs softball
Sat-1hr S&C, 3hr travel practice
Sun-3hr travel practice

Good observation and comments on balance!

Was trying to leave topic open to any feedback.
Yet offer a suggestion of my own.

I know of an academy high school that a student told me.
Many of the high schoolers go to emotional counseling to help learn to cope with academic pressure.
She said some go to group meetings.

 

[_MIA_]

Good observation and comments on balance!

Was trying to leave topic open to any feedback.
Yet offer a suggestion of my own.

I know of an academy high school that a student told me.
Many of the high schoolers go to emotional counseling to help learn to cope with academic pressure.
She said some go to group meetings.

At MIT freshmen year is Pass/Fail as they found that many kids were not able to handle getting anything less than an A and there was a high rate of suicide. I think there may be a few other schools like that.