Parent Coaches

[chrispots]

I'm going to sound like the anti-Christ here when I post this...I'm a TB coach...daughter pitches, plays 3rd base and bats 5th.

I would NEVER hold back my team for my daughter PERIOD. However, in practicality, YOU as a parent really can't ask that question to a TB coach. "Hey coach, do you favor your DD?" The only favoritism I show my DD is that she gets me one-on-one 3-5 days a week...whereas I only do 1-1 lessons at no charge with the rest of my players 2 days a week

To Gunner's suggestion...find out a what the coach teaches\believes in...

It's far less confrontational and you might actually get a sense of whether he\she has a clue. Lot's of these posts about daddy ball seem to me that not enough questions were asked of the coach before the season started.

For example...Ask:
Does he/she do the hitting/pitching/fielding/running/throwing instruction? Don't be surprised when he\she says NO and that they "outsource" everything to 2-3 other people. Get names\numbers and talk to the people who are doing the actual teaching and how much do they charge and what do they teach. When you hear hello elbow, hands to the ball and all the other crap that DNA sports and Matty Mahar (ProSwingNY) spout on youtube...just run...here's a gem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2A7MA1BV0g&list=PL_EXaAd6KC-N71R_0XLJmv6dR-BPS27_Z


FIND the BEST COACH YOU CAN! Forget the organization's name or reputation...there are plenty of dad's out there whose daughter(s) play and they actually coach with passion, enthusiasm and with methods that are aligned with elite\high level mechanics. Not all daddy coaches are bad....

 

[Anthony Vertuccio]

As the Clint Eastwood spaghetti western title goes...The Good The Bad and The Ugly. I have seen it all as a coach who doesn't even have a daughter. As everyone else says ask questions!

 

[NEF]

Its hard to find good coaching regardless. I coached all of my kids (2 boys/2 girls) at early ages and believe I did not give them the time they deserved (playing and practice). I didn't want to be seen as showing favoritism. The years I didn't coach I think they had more advancement, when one was playing or practicing I would be off to the side working with their siblings. If a coach is given paid private lessons to team members, they seem to always fit them in for at least a few innings, usually (hopefully only) in pool play if they are "developmental".

 

[Coachw01]

Man, lots of good advice on here and I think you take it all in and apply it to your situations as needed.

This post hits me on two levels and in both scenarios and situations I believe the right thing is being done for everyone involved. My DD plays travel ball (9U) for a dad/coach and his daughter pitches most of the time and bats third (when not pitching she will plays SS, 3rd, 1st...). I have to say she is right where she needs to be, and although these may seem to be 'glory spots', this in no way is dad favoring his daughter. She is a very good pitcher whose potential is limitless because of how hard she works at it and she absolutely smacks the ball!! I know I have NO issue with him coaching this team and my DD or what he does with his own DD. He does a great job.

I coach my DD rec team and she is in a position where she plays with 3rd-5th graders with her being a 3rd grader. I can honestly say there is little to no difference in her play compared to the 2-3 older girls that are considered pretty good. The only difference might be that DD is a little more consistent about putting the ball in play and making the appropriate throws. Right now my DD will probably bat lead off and start at SS or 3rd as long as she continues to EARN those positions.

I am very much aware of how things sometimes appear to be 'daddy ball' and such, but wouldn't I be doing my DD and the team a disservice by not allowing her an opportunity to play certain positions or bat somewhere specifically in the order that it beneficial to the team. I have coached a lot of HS sports at the varsity level and having done so successfully I think its important to put the right people in the right positions to develop skills/abilities and put you team in a position to be successful. As of right now my daughter will bat lead off (she does a lot of times for her TB team too) not because she is my kid but because she puts the ball in play most of the time (sometimes with a little power) and is pretty fast. I have a girl who is becoming a very good bunter I want to bat second, and a 5th grader who can bang the ball pretty good that I'll bat third to bring the other two home. This is strategy to help the team win games and have success, not me trying to highlight any one player.

I guess where this subject gets me fired up is that there are too many parents out there wanting to claim 'daddy ball' because it is an easy excuse for them to make when their DD is really not very good. We live in a 'blame everyone else' society and it's not fair to these dads and their DD. I'm certainly not accusing anyone on this forum of that at all, but we have all seen the types and we know this happens. Trust me I know daddy ball and such exists, but not always and I would always urge people to give Coach Dad a chance before we claim 'daddy ball'. Like the one post said, "if there were no dad's coaching softball, there would be no softball".

 

[fastpitch]

I would say you probably need to find a non-parent coached team (assistants may be ok; but preferably not) when your DD is about to start getting exposure for college if that is the long term goal (so HS age group for most/ 8th grade for 60+ mph pitchers and super studs looking SEC/PAC12/etc)... before that I have found IME that some parent coached teams end up being better as far as dedication to the team than some non-parent or paid coaches.

The one thing you definitely need to try to avoid, is if your DD plays the same position as the coaches kid. As fair as you might want to believe they are being... if its close... their DD will win. If they choose your kid over theirs regularly (and its close) they probably should quit coaching their DD's team. They aren't being fair to their own kid. Or if you don't want to leave you can have your DD learn another position.

 

[maddball44]

Look, we all got into coaching because of our DD's. I understand favoring them. It's extremely hard not too. I was often accused of being too hard on mine (usually by the DW). It was a product of me trying not to favor her. So I was damned if I did / damned if I didn't.

I decided it was time for someone else to take the reigns so I could sit back and complain (JK).

What I learned though was, when she was trying out for teams where the dad was the HC; find his DD and watch her. Watch their relationship during the try-out. You can learn a lot before committing to anything. If she was not coach-able or a lower end player on the team, we would walk away because I know our tendencies as dads and he would probably favor his less talented DD.

Luckily she made a non-parent coached team. Everything, however, is not perfect. I hear parents saying the same old things; just in different packaging. They can't call it "daddy ball" now, so they say it's "way too political".

We humans are a funny species. Never happy. The malcontent, usually, is not the kids. So if it's not them whom ever could it be?

 

[Momo'sDad]

Man, lots of good advice on here and I think you take it all in and apply it to your situations as needed.

This post hits me on two levels and in both scenarios and situations I believe the right thing is being done for everyone involved. My DD plays travel ball (9U) for a dad/coach and his daughter pitches most of the time and bats third (when not pitching she will plays SS, 3rd, 1st...). I have to say she is right where she needs to be, and although these may seem to be 'glory spots', this in no way is dad favoring his daughter. She is a very good pitcher whose potential is limitless because of how hard she works at it and she absolutely smacks the ball!! I know I have NO issue with him coaching this team and my DD or what he does with his own DD. He does a great job.

I coach my DD rec team and she is in a position where she plays with 3rd-5th graders with her being a 3rd grader. I can honestly say there is little to no difference in her play compared to the 2-3 older girls that are considered pretty good. The only difference might be that DD is a little more consistent about putting the ball in play and making the appropriate throws. Right now my DD will probably bat lead off and start at SS or 3rd as long as she continues to EARN those positions.

I am very much aware of how things sometimes appear to be 'daddy ball' and such, but wouldn't I be doing my DD and the team a disservice by not allowing her an opportunity to play certain positions or bat somewhere specifically in the order that it beneficial to the team. I have coached a lot of HS sports at the varsity level and having done so successfully I think its important to put the right people in the right positions to develop skills/abilities and put you team in a position to be successful. As of right now my daughter will bat lead off (she does a lot of times for her TB team too) not because she is my kid but because she puts the ball in play most of the time (sometimes with a little power) and is pretty fast. I have a girl who is becoming a very good bunter I want to bat second, and a 5th grader who can bang the ball pretty good that I'll bat third to bring the other two home. This is strategy to help the team win games and have success, not me trying to highlight any one player.

I guess where this subject gets me fired up is that there are too many parents out there wanting to claim 'daddy ball' because it is an easy excuse for them to make when their DD is really not very good. We live in a 'blame everyone else' society and it's not fair to these dads and their DD. I'm certainly not accusing anyone on this forum of that at all, but we have all seen the types and we know this happens. Trust me I know daddy ball and such exists, but not always and I would always urge people to give Coach Dad a chance before we claim 'daddy ball'. Like the one post said, "if there were no dad's coaching softball, there would be no softball".

I found myself reminiscing and laughing as I read your post. When my DD was in 3rd grade, she was the best fielder and top pitcher on my 10u rec team and batted 3rd. But whenever I rotated her to the bench, her mother would flip out and wasn't exactly quiet about it either. She was the only parent who complained about my team management, because I balanced playing time evenly. I eventually had to fire her as Team Mom.

 

[JJsqueeze]

I found myself reminiscing and laughing as I read your post. When my DD was in 3rd grade, she was the best fielder and top pitcher on my 10u rec team and batted 3rd. But whenever I rotated her to the bench, her mother would flip out and wasn't exactly quiet about it either. She was the only parent who complained about my team management, because I balanced playing time evenly. I eventually had to fire her as Team Mom.

hilarious....

 

[Little Angels Softball]

I've coached ASA class A ball for well over a decade, 2/3 of that experience coming without a DD on the team. So I can safely say I have quite a bit of experience doing both. Here are some general observations about the TB head coaching job that I've gleaned over the years. Please realize these cannot be applied to rec ball, and probably not even "C" level teams, either. Maybe not even "B" level in some parts of the country.

First, generalities that hold true either with or without a DD on the team:

1. The families of your top nine players are almost universally happy.
2. The families of those outside the top nine are universally less so.
3. All the families are happy on a winning team.
4. Most if not all the families on a losing team are unhappy.
5. "Winning" means bringing home big trophies every now & then.
6. The families of #3 and #4 pitchers are almost universally unhappy.
7. The families of backup catchers who consider their DD's primary position as catcher are almost universally unhappy.
8. The families of backup catchers whose DD earns a starting spot at another position are almost universally happy.
9. Families don't mind their DD sitting a game or two if she plays on Sundays.
10. The more you win, the more girls you'll have at your next tryout.
11. The more you win with class, you'll have even more girls than you know what to do with at your next tryout.
12. Once you reach national-championship level talent, the fewer girls you'll have at tryouts.
13. I know this will ruffle some feathers, but it is true: Playing rec ball does not help girls improve their game. In fact, it hurts them.
14. Losing is always the head coach's fault.

Now, a few that come with having a DD on the team:

15. At least one family will always believe their DD belongs where yours plays, regardless of ability.
16. If your DD makes one error and strikes out once in an entire tournament, there will be at least someone who swears she made seven errors and struck out six times. They will also believe that the seven errors (six of which she never made) cost you the game(s) if there were any losses.
17. Parents are far more likely to approach you about their DD's playing time if you have a girl on the team. I think they believe you have more empathy when this is the case.
18. Anything your DD does wrong is magnified tenfold in the eyes of all parents, not just the non-starters.
19. People will go to your wife and ask questions about coaching decisions. Strangely, they don't do this when you don't have a kid on the team.
20. The head coach is expected to organize off-field activities and make decisions on uniforms, banners, etc. No one ever asks you about these things when you don't have a daughter on the team.....parents just take care of it.
21. If your DD is a pitcher, every loss she takes will be her loss. Other pitchers' losses can be seen as team losses if the entire team didn't play well.
22. Your DD absolutely must be a top-three player if the rest of the team and its families are to see her as even a mid-tier player. That is, of course, unless she is the best pitcher in the area, then everyone will love her.\
23. No matter how "fair" you are as a coach, your own daughter will be unfairly judged by at least some of the team's families.

This may seem like I am bitter or in a bad situation. Neither are true. We have a great team that wins and all are happy. It is just a fact that your DD is the one who will usually suffer most when her parent is the head coach of a team. For all the "daddy ball" coaches I see out there, there are at least a matching amount of very good parent coaches whose DD is treated differently than other girls by at least some of the families on the team. It isn't ugly, but it's there, always simmering just below the surface. It can put a lot of pressure on a girl.

Please remember this next time you coach your girl or next time you start thinking you might be in a daddy ball situation.

 

[riseball]

^^^^^ Great Post! Nailed It! ^^^^^