H.S. Freshman and Seniors

[SnocatzDad]

Im sure you are getting alot of what is being said from your daughter, but how could the head coach not be able to see at least a little, or hear a little of what is going on? That is unless he is both deaf and blind.

During a game, When players are all in the field both coaches are in the dugout, when players are all in the dugout, both coaches are in the field. That's how it can happen without the coach knowing. Kids learn at an early age how to do their damage when the adults are out of earshot. If you think you can tell by just looking at a teenage girl that she is a bully or the one being picked on, you must be a mindreader. With all the hormones raging through them, sometimes you just thank god they aren't all nuts at the same time. If a coach allowed teammates to treat each other badly with his/her knowledege and didn't address it, that's another thing.

 

[jofus13]

My situation in softball is a little different, my DD isn't starting as a Freshman, and some of the upper classmen think she should be and tell her they think so.

She did start varsity as a Freshman in volleyball this year (I would have never guessed going into high school that she would start in volleyball and not start in softball, but that's how it has worked out), and to the best of my knowledge, none of the girls on the team had any problems with it at all.

It was the parents that were the problem in our situation..... :|

 

[SBFAMILY]

Being a Bully is more common than you think. I agree most high school coaches have no idea how to handle it. My dd is going thru it as the only Freshman on the Varsity and she starts. It is a JR that feels threated. We only have one SR and she has not taken to the leadership task. The DD played and started on the varsity soccer team with no issues because as stated above strong Seniors that took control of the team. We have done some reseach on the kid in question. This is the third time this kid has done this. Every time she feels threated this is her reaction. Our dd is strong enough to handle it. Since the wife is a teacher she has handled it internally. I think you are going to find many kids like this. They are insecure at home and feel threated by anyone that may compete with them. This kid even went as far as telling everyone on the team they had to run after practice because of the freshman and to hit balls at her during practice. The high school coach is clueless how to handle. Every time he takes this kid to the side to talk to her about anything she starts crying and that is the end of the conversation. I blame it on the parents, as these kids are so insecure it shows. Her parents ride her constantly about her performance . You can see the same personnality in the parents.

 

[Eric]

I was wrong, when I thought the problem was over. Now it's gone to another senior. The head coach came to me, and told me, that the girl that started all of this, came and talked to him about it today. Apparently, he told the senior, that my DD is doing what she should be doing. Now her friend on the team, isn't happy, that the head coach didn't defend the senior.

I never saw such a sense of entitlement before From all the responses, this happens more then I really thought it would. None of these girls plays any other softball, other then high school ball. They are average at best. If they new anything about the game, they would be the leaders and do the talking. The only talking they are doing is behind the players back. It's very pathetic

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Eric, I am sorry that you are going through this. I am not certain that men do this to each other. I mean, pick on a team member.

Nose around and see if your DD is being dissed on Facebook, etc. Check her text messages. She may be protecting you from knowing how bad it really is.

Now, go tell your wife that she was right.

 

[Eric]

Thanks Amy. I did check out facebook, nothing there. Both of the girls were texting her, until my daughter told them, if they don't stop bothering her, she will tell the head coach.

It stopped then.

The coach did bring up at practice, that everyone isn't going to like each other, but once they step between the lines, they are team mates, and will act like it. When he said the liking thing they both smiled at each other. I didn't see it. One of her friends, that is a senior, told me.

I can't tell my wife she was right. You know how well that will go over.

Thanks again, Amy

 

[Greenmonsters]

Tough, but far too frequent, a situation when talented freshman are placed in an environment where upperclassmen believe they are entitled solely due to seniority. A good, responsible coach knows that there potentially will be conflict when he puts a frosh on varsity and will make clear what his expectations are and act decisively if there are problems. Although we want our DD's playing the best ball they can, we need to evaluate our daughter's maturity and ability to handle the situatiion, the potential teammates, and the coach. If you're comfortable with at least 2 of these 3 components, then it likely will work out. If there's any doubt, don't do it, regardless of how 'bad' JV might be. A weak coach and a lack of upperclass leadership bear close monitoring.

QUOTE=Amy in AZ.;27513] I am not certain that men do this to each other. I mean, pick on a team member.[/QUOTE]
IME, it's all about performance between the lines for the boys/men. As a freshman starting catcher in college I remember calling time in my first game to re-position my unwilling 3B based on the pitches I was calling. He happened to be a Sr. Capt. and 6'4" 250 FB middle LB. Next pitch was ripped right at him and, as was his practice, he just knocked the ball down w/ his chest (instead of using a sissy glove), took a bite out of it, and made the routine play to first. After the inning, he sneered at me "Don't forget you're just a %^&*'g freshman". He never questioned me again on the field. Of course, I always carried the equipment bag and never dared say boo to him off the field!

GM

 

[obbay]

We got a new varsity coach this year and we are very fortunate. The coach we've had for several years "retired" after last season. She's still young enough to keep coaching but she had had enough of the drama, the prima donnas and the helicopter parents. As one coach put it things had gotten out of control and the lunatics were running the asylum. Your situation sounds similar.

Our new coach comes in before the season and tells the team "I'm the new coach and right now I have no team and no captains. Captains will be named when I decide who they should be and every position is open. If you are lucky enough to get a place on my team, you will have to earn it. I have two other teams of players (Freshman and JV) who also want that position and only those who earn their position will get to play that position.

He has pulled no punches. He also has been very vocal about zero tolerance of hazing and bullying. He has told all the parents at every level that if he finds this going on,he will go to the AD regardless of the player. The AD is then required to go to the principal and a minimum 1 day suspension from school is required. School policy. This will go on their permanent record, so when they apply to colleges it will be seen by everyone who reviews her application. Then he poses the question to the parents-"Why would any university want to bother with a potential problem when they have hundreds of other good applications to go through?"

I like this guy!

Your head coach needs to step up. It's his/her job.

 

[KAT]

Eric,

I feel for you as we went through the same problem. Fortunately it wasn't softball but volleyball and then basketball. Most of the seniors were ok with it but the juniors were horrible as were their parents. My daughter was only 13 when she made the Varsity Volleyball team as a starter and no she is not tall only 5'7". The parents complained all the time to the AD, coach, they made nasty comments in the stands and when they found out she was only 13 they tried to get her thrown off the team because she was to young..LOL The same thing happened on the basketball team that year it was brutal!!! Fortunately when it came to softball there may have been a few girls butt hurt about her starting and playing but it wasn't an issue because the seniors made sure it wasn't and the coach was not into the bs and put a stop to it immediately. But I am glad to report my daughter is now a senior, who treats every player with respect as long as they are hard workers. After her freshman year she signed up to be an ignite mentor for the incoming freshman, she wanted to make sure their experiences were better then what she had had. She has been captain since her sophmore year, in all three sports, she makes sure the new kids feel welcome....she learned a huge lesson, fortunately we came out on the good side. I am hoping your daughter comes out unscathed and grows into a stronger person who is willing to step up and defend the younger, new players. Tell her to keep up the good work, the seniors will be gone next year and always remember what it felt like to be that freshman.

 

[Simo]

One of the biggest problems in HS ball is that administrators will not back you up. You can take the hard rear, no nonsense approach and after three of four parents drip on the AD and principal, they will scoot into the woodwork faster than a roach. Parents today will talk a great game with respect to order and discipline until it impacts their DD and then all bets are off. HS Administrators talk a good game, but when it comes down to it, their business is running the school and not refereeing a sport.

As for knowing when girls are bullying or dissing their teammates, I absolutely agree with the poster who discussed how crafty they are. You will never hear it. They will smile to your face and dump on their teammate in a heartbeat. I had one girl actually call a sophomore who I moved up from JV and threatened to beat her up if she didn't refuse and go back to JV. I did not hear about it until the offender graduated and was no longer on the team.

Girls are diabolical. Boys will get into a fight to resolve their problems and bury the hatchet. Girls will take a grudge to their grave. If you take the tough guy approach, they will find other ways to get back at you. I had a HS team that took the eventual state champion to extra innings and lost 1-0. This same team lost in districts to a sub 500 squad. Why, some seniors decided it was time for summer vacation to start. The team broke into two camps. One camp was ideal, practiced hard and was a coaches dream. This group also included two minority students, one who was my shortstop and the other my catcher. The other camp was jealous and (bigoted, in my opinion, although nothing overt happened). If they could have put their differences aside they could have gone to state and possibly won. Their egos and personalities ruined what could have been the season of their lives.