H.S. Freshman and Seniors

[Eric]

We are having a situation on the H.S. Varsity. Unfortunately, the team isn't very good 0-7. The team hasn't been very good for a number of years. There is one freshman on the team. Starting shortstop, batting 3rd. She also plays on one of the state's best travel teams.

She has learned to be very vocal out on the field. the usual things. Communicating with the outfield and infielders, how many outs, who should watch the bunts, etc. She is the only one communicating on the team.
A couple of the seniors are telling her to shut her mouth, and not in such nice terms, if you know what I mean. It came to a head after last nights 2 losses in a double header.
She was confronted by 2 seniors, and is being told to shut up. Now, no one else is communicating. No talking, nothing. The seniors don't like that a freshman is pretty much taking over the team and being a leader.

I'm sure by now, you have figured out, it's my DD. Another problem is, after she made Varsity. The head coach, asked me to be his assistant. Since then, she has also been taking a lot of heat from the seniors, that the only reason she is on varsity is because of me and the only reason she is starting is because of me.
DD also plays outfield and can catch. Prior to tryouts, we have open gym, where the girls can practice fielding and hitting. One of the same seniors, got jealous when my daughter was catching for one of the pitchers. To the point, saying, that she will take matters into her own hands, if she loses her starting job as the catcher. She started a fight back then.

How would you guys handle the situation? I know how I would handle it, if it wasn't my daughter, and it was just another girl. I don't want the rest of the team to think, that I am only protecting her.

Should I approach the head coach and tell him whats going on? He doesn't know what is going on.

Any suggestions, or is this how high school softball is?

 

[George R.]

It looks to me like a situation of a bunch of girls who are not very good athletes trying to feel better about themselves by belittling others. They don't share your DD's passion for the game and there is nothing you or the head coach can do about that; it has to come from within. Bottom line is if it's not bothering your DD, let it go. If it is, SHE is the one who needs to discuss it with the head coach, not you.

 

[Cannonball]

Eric most of us that have dds who started as freshmen know that there is potentially a lot of problems for our dd. Mine happend to have great seniors that not only accepted her but also included her in their after school activities. We were blessed.

Eric, I can think of another situation where I know of a freshman that is always telling everyone how to play and it is not appreciated. You have to step back and see how your dd comes across. In other words, she may be coming across in ways that she doesn't intend.

Here is how I would handle the over all situation. I'd call the girls together and tell them that I am proud of them continuing to work hard during this losing streak and then I'd tell them what "lesser people would do." For example, "lesser people" would argue among themselves, point fingers at teammates, and be upset about where everyone hits in the batting order. I'd clarify again that I know they don't do that. Then, I'd compliment the seniors on how they've tried to act mature and accept underclassmen because they know that the most important thing is to try to field a good team and not worry about what grade varsity players are in. ... I think you get my point.

Eric, after this meeting, I might go over to the biggest perpatrator and thank them personally for accepting my child. Then, I'd point out to them how unfair it is sometimes when someone such as yourself wants to volunteer to help because their child comes under unfair criticism. Then, thank the senior again for not doing that and telling them that you hope that they appreciate that you are doing your best for them their senior year. ...

Eric, this is what I'd do. I can't speak for anyone else. I don't know your personality and so, take that for what that is worth.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

As you probably know, it has been in the news recently about mean girls that pushed someone to suicide. You can't tell if it is really bothering you DD, or not.

I would be at the school daily, in an effort to get the senior girls disciplined. If they are saying this stuff to her face, just think what they are saying on line. And be aware of what might be going on in text messages, too.

There was another school that made head lines last week for suspending, I think it was 21, of the little "dears."

If all else fails I would transfer to another HS and let everyone know that it was over a bullying situation that the school wouldn't resolve.

I am betting that the seniors don't want suspended in April.

HS just isn't the same place that it was 20 years ago.

 

[Comp]

Im sure you are getting alot of what is being said from your daughter, but how could the head coach not be able to see at least a little, or hear a little of what is going on? That is unless he is both deaf and blind. Personally I dont think you can handle the situation, it is your daughter, and if you try and step in it will only be viewed as you protecting your own kid. You are most likely going to have to talk with the coach and have him handle the situation.

Unfortunately in school ball many of the kids and their parents feel that the older girls should always play over the younger girls regardless of playing ability. My daughter was a 4 year starter on varsity and earned her position as a freshman. She carried the 2nd highest batting average on the team and still took grief from several of the seniors who felt they should be playing over her. Ask the coach for a sit down and have a talk with him. Maybe being alerted to the situation will open his eyes and he will start seeing what is going on himself.

 

[softball_chic_12]

I am a freshman. The only freshman on my HS's varsity team. Oh yeah, people hate me. They are talking about me. But surprisingly enough, it's just one senior and the whole jv team. I have been very lucky and the varsity team has accepted me. And the only reason that the senior isn't happy is because I get much more playing time than she does. At first I played jv. And one of the volunteer coach's daughter was the starting catcher. Her older sister graduated last year and was an amazing catcher. After varsity lost some games, they pulled me up to varsity. My last jv game i was put in as a relief pitcher. We lost the game. When I threw the ball over the plate the batter would hit it and our fielders couldn't field it. But I was blamed for the lost by the whole jv team. The jv girls say that I'm not a good ball player, I don't deserve to be up there, that I'm a know-it-all, etc. They ended up bringing my friends and family into the situation. It got so bad that I didn't want to go to school or softball. And what made it worse was the girls weren't saying it to my face. They went behind my back. Now teachers are telling the coach about how they hear girls talking about me. But it's ok. I'm now the starting catcher on varsity. I knocked the coach's daughter to jv catcher. Generally, everyone seems happy including the new jv catcher. Her dad though isnt happy with me. Which I can deal with. Everyone says that the girls just talk about me because they are jealous. But a lot of these girls are playing for the first time. Who are they to critisize me when I've been playing for 9+ years? And then they go as far to say that I suck at everything about softball and I have no idea what I'm talking about. Yes I suck. That's why I play on 5 teams and recently got asked to play for a 23 & under team. Because I suck. It makes so much sense now! NOT! Whether they are jealous or not, i don't care. If one of them were called up, yea I would have been disappointed but I would have been happy for them and encouraged them. And if I think the coaches were making a big mistake, oh well. It's not my team. And maybe I'm wrong. But either way it wouldn't be my fault. I'm just glad to have playing time no matter where it is. And the irony of the whole situation is that the girl I knocked down to jv has no issue with me at all. She encourages me when she can and we still talk like we always have. She has no hard feelings towards me. But the girls that aren't affected at all are the ones who have issues.
I didn't tell the coaches what was going on at first. As time went by, it got worse. When these girls started bringing my friends and family into it, I told the head coach. He said he would deal with it, but he didn't. More time went by and now they critisize every little thing about me. It doesn't matter if it has to do with softball or not. My family told me that they are just jealous, etc. Now that I have been with varsity for a while and both varsity and jv are doing good, the talk is starting to die down.
If I were in your daughter's situation I would bring the issue to the coach's attention. Just your daughter. See what happens in a week or two. If nothing changes, or it gets worse, I think you should talk to the coach.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Generally, head coaches are not equipped to deal with these types of problems. Many times, they are little more than volunteers and sometimes aren't faculty.

Bullying is a school problem and a problem within the bully's family. So often, girls are seeing this type of activity within their own family and that is how they are taught to act.

Parents of a child that is being harassed need to go directly to the top and deal with the offending girls.

You never know when verbal abuse is going to escalate into something dangerous.

The OP stated that his DD was already threatened.

 

[Eric]

Everyone, thank you for your advice. I am just getting to see it today. We had a high school tournament yesterday. In which, we ended up taking 2nd. The first time this year, the girls have played as a team.
I took the team off to the side, prior to the game. I told them they all needed to communicate, be leaders, didn't matter if they were freshman, soph. juniors, or seniors. You all are a team.
They seemed to listen.

One of the girls that really was the problem, her dad is the JV coach. He talked with the Varsity head coach, prior to leaving on the bus. And from what the head coach said, he was blaming my daughter. I will give the head coach credit. He did say to the dad, sounds like childish behavior and jealousy from the seniors. The coach did ask me if I knew of anything that was going on. He was aware of my daughter hearing, the only reason your on varsity is, because your dad is the assistant. I told him what happened, and one of the other seniors, told him what happened. He sat the senior that was the major problem.

I also called my daughters travel coach, he also coaches hgih school, he said that she shouldn't change a thing. I coach a travel team, also. But nothing close to the calibur of the travel team my daughter plays on. She heard all the talk, while she was still playing for me, up until 2 years ago, when she did make this other travel team. I guess she is getting used to all the talk, when a parent is the coach..

One of the seniors, tried to justify their behavior, by saying to my daughter, we know you have all this experience playing all over. But us seniors have more experience playing high school ball. When she told me that, I just had to laugh.

Amy, I understand your point about the bullying. My wife said the exact same thing. Wanted me to approach the A.D.. I said no, that I don't think it's to that point.
I told my daughter, you dn't have to be friends with her off the field, but on the field, you all are teammates, and need to treat them that way.Just let your play do the talking She did say, that playing for me, for all the years, that she has learned to just ignore all the talk.
By the end of the day, the couple of seniors that were a problem. I saw them talking to my DD.

As far as the head coach knowing what has been going on. I really don't think he has a clue, unless someone approaches him.

Thanks again for all the advice. The one good thing, half the season is over already

 

[2 DD Coach]

Keep on top of this situation. This is a disater in the making if you don't. Either the head coach is the biggest idiot in the world, or he is well aware of what is going on and choosing not to deal with it properly. If girls are having trouble batting, does the coach "leave it to them" to sort it out? Don't know why attitude problems that affect ANY member of the team are not addressed in the same way. There are tons of people who know how to teach someone to bat or field. The ability to maintain team unity and motivation is what makes them a coach.

It is affecting your DD, as well as you. Even said in jest, your comment about the one good thing being the season is already half over, is telling.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

Mine in same situation. Freshman pitching varsity. And man it sure has got ugly in the dugout.

I always try to teach my DD life lessons while using things that happen on the field. This is no different than say a guy who has been working for a company for 10 years, you've only been there 2 years. A promotion comes up and if you have worked and produced more there's a good chance you will get the promotion. Just because someone has been there longer doesn't mean they deserve the job.