Frustrated Parent

[mawilson2]

A little background first, and sorry for the long read.

My DD is 12U pitcher for a strong B level travel team. The team we have has played together since age 7. Two years ago we went as a whole with an outside travel coach starting a new 12U team. My DD pitched almost every inning unless it is a blowout.(really hard on her). They have rode her like a horse for the past two years.

Now my gripe. Over the winter, before our season started we got a commitment from another pitcher to relieve my DD and split innings/games with. We were really excited for this season. Last minute they decommitted and went their own way, we rode DD the whole summer. Two weeks ago we faced this other pitcher twice in a tournament. The first was tied 1-1 after 6 innings and went to international rule and we got beat. Fought our way back to championship game against the same team and DD was worn down from pitching 4 games that day. We lost in championship. This past weekend the other pitcher's team was not playing and our coach asked them to guest on our team. I was excited to have her. Game one pool play my DD starts and pitches 2 inning then they bring in other pitcher, no bid deal. Game two pool play they start new pitcher and bring in my DD after 2 innings, things great. Sunday tournament: Game one new girl starts and pitches 3 innings, game out of hand up 13-0, then bring in DD to pitch last inning (token inning that meant nothing). Game two semi's didn't even warm my DD up and started guest pitcher. Brought DD in fifth inning up 9-0 to pitch last inning (token inning that meant nothing). DD shoulder hurt from not getting any warm up prior to pitching. I told assistant to never let HC put her in without proper warm up again. Championship game, you guest it, new pitcher started and pitched complete game. We won the tournament.

It was not just the lack of pitching. The HC could not have belittled my DD any more if he was trying to. He ogled every pich guest threw. Making comment after comment in front of my DD how we have never had a pitcher like this. Bragging to every coach and parent that would listen. My DD was furious when we left the field. My DD does not have as much speed as the guest, not many in the state do, she is a very good pitcher, but DD holds her own against anyone in the state. Well known against everyone we play. I could not be more proud of DD, but this past weekend felt like a slap in the face from HC.

I have not said anything to HC, waiting the day to let emotions settle. Not sure how to react, or if I should at all. I want DD to continue with these girls but lost all respect for HC. DD does not want to play for HC ever again. Should I just swallow my pride and move to outfield to watch from now on? This team has not been blown out all year and has been right with some very good teams.

This HC has built a reputation on my DD back and then treated her like a second rate pitcher. Again, how do I handle?

 

[Amy in AZ.]

No coach should ride one pitcher. I agree that he did not treat your DD fairly. The amount of innings that you describe her pitching is unacceptable and then, she gets none.

OK, what's done is done. Focus on your DD. Get her the overall rest that she needs and then, decide where you are going to play. Your DD will be a hot commodity, if she is as good as you describe. If you give her some rest and relaxation - and you may need to insist on it, she will come back stronger and hungrier and able to make decisions about who she wants to play with.

I would tell this current coach "See ya."

 

[humpty]

You thought your DD was pitching too much so you wanted another pitcher to split the work but it sounds like you can't handle watching another pitcher succeed while your DD sits. If you don't like the fact that there's another pitcher that's better than your DD you better get to work or learn to deal with it. It's a team sport.

 

[mawilson2]

You thought your DD was pitching too much so you wanted another pitcher to split the work but it sounds like you can't handle watching another pitcher succeed while your DD sits. If you don't like the fact that there's another pitcher that's better than your DD you better get to work or learn to deal with it. It's a team sport.

That is not it at all. I was glad to have the other pitcher and thanked her and her father for joining us at the conclution of the tournament. My gripe is HC went from riding my DD to using another the same way, but even worse was the belittleing she took from him. We have been loyal to this HC for two years and had sucess with my DD being the work horse. I know she is a hot commodity and has been recruited non stop for the past two years. I just hate to walk away from all her friends that she will be playing High School with to jump to another team.

 

[James Smith]

SB coaches and parents say a lot of stupid things.

It sounds like you/ DD are upset enough that a conversation is warranted.

I would talk to him first, in person. See how the conversation goes, try to keep your emotions in check.

Next I would like to see the HC pull your DD aside and apologize to her personally.

See where it goes from there but I would start with wanting to stay on the Team, if it doesn’t work out CYA.

 

[humpty]

You need to find a team with at least 2 pitchers. 4 games a day is way too many. She will get injured eventually

 

[Cannonball]

Your dd will not forget what she has heard. Talk to HC and let him know that you didn't appreciate the treatment and so, will look for another team. Of course, I'd have another team offer already before I talked to him. Then, if you don't get a good vibe, "see ya wouldn't want to be ya."

 

[CoogansBluff]

I'd talk with the coach, but I wouldn't accuse or blame or vent. I would just explain your concern and explain how your daughter felt and why.

IMO, assuming you are telling the story accurately, it is very disrespectful of the coach to bring in another pitcher and not tell your daughter how her role might change as a result. Your daughter and the team should know why the pitcher was playing for your team, and how she would be used.

 

[JJsqueeze]

From the sound of it I think he showed very poor leadership but there might be a subplot here. On the poor leadership, maybe he was trying to woo the other pitcher and her parents by being overly complimentary. I can see where someone might do this but it is a really bad move as he neglected to pay attention to how the extra compliments that he may not normally show would appear really badly to his actual pitcher. The subplot I see is that he could also have been sending a message to you and or your DD if he feels like maybe you are a little too big for your britches. I can also see someone maybe being annoyed by a meddlesome parent and letting them know that there are other pitchers in the world. I wasn't there so I am not saying anything about what actually happened, just laying out some possibilities. In either case, not warming up a pitcher is inexcusable.

 

[sluggers]

I got to go with Coogan on this...

Something very similar happened to my DD. My DD was pitching for an 18U team when she was 14YOA. The team picked up a 17YOA for a few tournaments who was better than my DD. The team did better with two good pitchers than one, but... It was the first time we (she and I) her pitching time had ever been reduced.

So, my thoughts:

1) The coach was a little bit of a wiener. He should not have split innings. Your DD should have started a couple of games and the other girl should have started a couple of games.
2) Your DD's days of being the only pitcher on a team have to end. It isn't good for her. But, having a second pitcher means that your DD will not be the most important player on the team. She will have to compete for playing time. It requires some adjustment in her (and your) thinking.
3) The coach might have been trying to recruit the new kid for the team, and went overboard. He may have thought that you and your DD "understood" what he was doing. In order to get the kid to play, he may have had to promise something. So, talk this over with the coach.
4) Think a little about what would be "fair" for your DD and another good pitcher.