Expecting To Fail

[Sparky Guy]

After reading the "Crazy Parent" thread in the pitching forum I found a pervasive sentiment reiterated throughout the thread. I thought I would share my perception of the reason these parents are so nervous during games when their DD is in the circle. They expect them to fail! That train of thought will drive you crazy and will ultimately trickle down to your DD.

If your DD has put in the time, work and sweat then show that you have confidence in her abilities. Saying it is not good enough. Your body language speaks VOLUMES! And your DD will pick up on it a heartbeat. I guarantee you that through the din of white noise that surrounds a softball game your DD WILL hear your voice and see your reactions to the game.

Other parents used to ask me how I could stay so calm during the tense situations in a game. I would always shrug my shoulders and tell them I wasn't playing the game. I was only a spectator. In truth I knew without a doubt my DD was well prepared to handle most any game situation and her pitching mechanics were very sound. We spent thousands of hours working on her pitching. I absolutely believed she would prevail. She didn't need to see me dancing like a little kid having to take a pee.

Do your DD's a favor and change your mindset. Expect them to succeed. Accept that they will fail. Support them no matter what. Realize the game belongs to them.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

I think I can speak for most pitcher's parents, It's not just 'nerves' or a lack of 'confidence' in our DD's. Every pitch of coarse keeps you on the edge of your seat. But the anxiety also comes in to play with the concerns of the defense. A hit ball is inevitable ( whether you're in HS or travel / pitch college / or MLB ), I just pray the fielders don't make an error. Specially if it's a one run game.

 

[RookKev]

Sparky Guy definitely has a point in his commentary. I know lately, as my daughter took the mound, it wasn't there for her. She has had time where she was much stronger in her strike zone, but this last season, she was all over the place with her release. She just couldn't repeat her release point with consistency. I'm not sure what it was, but it was there. I don't think it was from a lack of practice, but perhaps I'm fooling myself. She has since gathered her release a bit better, and her pitch pattern has tightened up substantially. For the first time in LONG time, she went 3 up 3 down in simulated batters. I can say that for me, a great deal of anxiety was focused on lack of confidence that she was in the best position for herself at the time. Still, I would be nervous anyways, but I would agree that it was elevated due to lack of belief.

I am excited for the next season, as I can see her getting stronger right now. The control coming back. I am sure I will still be nervous, as that is my personality, but I do think it will have a different feel. (The same honestly with her batting could be said).

 

[YOCOACH]

SG's right. I definitely expect my DD to fail. After all, she's only been in lessons for 3 months. She's very close to pulling it all togther to be consistent and have good velocity. When I say close, I mean she will probably get it within the next several practices. Even then, I will expect her to fail until she has at least a CU and another off speed/breaking pitch in her arsenal. I'm a realist. Then, I will still be nervous for her until she has enough mound time and confidence to go do what needs to be done for her success. I don't really care if she succeeds or not. That is not what I worry about. I'm nervous because she cares and as her parent, I don't want to see her upset and disappointed. I can already her some of you saying 'Life is full of disappointmets. Better to have her learn to deal with it now.' That may be true and I certainly believe it is. However, I feel it is one of our jobs as parents to provide our children with as many tools as possible to succeed in any endeavor. The longer they have using and developing those tools, the greater their chance of success. Ultimately, our kids will be upset, disappointed etc. at some time or another...especially as a pitcher. At least I can go to DD and say, " Only you will know if you gave a 100% out there. If you did, you tried your best with the tools you were given. We'll have to find you more tools." Whether it's mental, physical or whatever.

 

[chinamigarden]

Maybe thats why I can't relate to the "crazy" parents. I expect my dd to try to do her best every time. And am willing to accept whatever the result is. I am one of those parents who want the ball to be hit to my kid, I want them at bat with the game on the line. I want to see what happens when she is pitching with the game on the line.

Because I know they will do their best and I am willing to accept the result.

 

[splinterpicker]

If my dd had a bad game, we never used the word fail. We said succeed this game. Sounds stupid I know, but we always thought failure was pretty harsh considering all the hard work that is involved. I taught my dd early on she is responsible for the loss as much as the win. And that it does not matter how many errors the defense made or how bad the offense hit. Never once expected my dd to fail, lose games, hit batters, walk too many, give up to many hits sure but never fail. Some of the best games she ever pitched were games the team lost.

 

[fpitch11]

Sparky Guy, what a great post! I admit to sometimes falling into the nervous mode, but you really hit on some GREAT points. Hopefully this will be my new fulltime demeanor at the ballpark!