Difficult Decision - What would you do?

[SoCalDad]

I was scouting for the 14U rec all star team when in the 2nd inning I saw two coaches come about as close to blows as I have ever witnessed. The batter hit a solid shot to the right center field gap. The first baseman moved to cover the bag even though there was no way a play was going to be made at first. The runner seeing the ball hit the gap never broke stride and turned to go to second. Big collision as the runner turned the corner (she collided with first baseman after touching the bag). Laid out the first baseman completely. Ump calls defensive obstruction and awards the runner 3rd. The defensive coach goes ballistic and charges the 3rd base coach accusing his runner of taking a cheap shot and not teaching his players proper safety. 3rd base coach did not react well and accused the defensive coach of not teaching his players how to play proper defense. Fortunately the ump intervened and he is a very big guy (6'5+ and 300 pounds) and was able to separate them before a blow was thrown. Kicked both out of the game.

Now comes the difficult decision I have to make. The defensive coach that initiated the confrontation has a talented DD. Our league all star selection rules have the top 6 selected by the coaches and the next 6 - 9 selected by the manager (me). This particular player will not be in the top 6 but would likely be on my list of the next 6 that I plan on selecting. Feedback I have received from other coaches and parents is this particular dad has a recurring problem with controlling his temper. I am tempted to tell him that one outburst and he will be removed from the current tournament. Second outburst and he will be banned from the rest of the tournaments. Anyone have experience with this type of scenario?

 

[Amy in AZ.]

I have experience with a dad like that. He was drinking alcohol, though, out of his water bottle.

I wouldn't take the girl at all.

 

[ctfastpitch]

Don't think you can single him out before he acts up in your tournament. I think I might arrange a mandatory parents meeting after the team is selected, and go over a pretty specific list of expectations of the players and parents (practice expectations, how you plan to address playing time and positions, no bad-mouthing the umpires, no jeering of opposing players, no coaching of their DD's from the bleachers, etc.). You may want to hand out a printed copy of them as well. I have seen organizations require the parents sign a "Code of Conduct" in order for their kids to participate. Remind them as a group who the tournament is for (the kids), and how you as the manager want to make it as enjoyable for the kids as possible. Frame it in such a way that no one with any sense could argue with it. Then you can talk about repurcussions if they violate the rules. This way you are addressing it with all of them, and if he does act up, you have the ammunition you need to deal with him.

 

[SoCalDad]

..I think I might arrange a mandatory parents meeting after the team is selected, and go over a pretty specific list of expectations of the players and parents...

I will be having the meeting and the league requires all parents and players to sign an all star agreement that includes a code of conduct. What concerns me about this guy is his history has shown that signing a piece of paper doesn't stop him from the confrontations. It is not an if but a when he will explode. But you do have a good point that singling him out would likely just put him on the defensive and could exasperate the situation. I think I may change my meeting speech to include a warning to the parents that certain outbursts can result in being removed from a tournament and repeat behavior from future tournaments. That way I get the message across but don't single him out for special treatment.

 

[ctfastpitch]

I will be having the meeting and the league requires all parents and players to sign an all star agreement that includes a code of conduct. What concerns me about this guy is his history has shown that signing a piece of paper doesn't stop him from the confrontations. It is not an if but a when he will explode. But you do have a good point that singling him out would likely just put him on the defensive and could exasperate the situation. I think I may change my meeting speech to include a warning to the parents that certain outbursts can result in being removed from a tournament and repeat behavior from future tournaments. That way I get the message across but don't single him out for special treatment.

You are right, the piece of paper won't necessarily keep him from being a jerk, but it does give you some grounds to toss him if/when he does act up.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

But after he blows up and takes his DD home, you will be a player short.

 

[SoCalDad]

But after he blows up and takes his DD home, you will be a player short.

For that day, yes. I draft a total of 14 players with 2 listed as reserves. These are typically players on the cusp of being all stars but not quite there. They practice with the team and can be added to the roster if a player is injured, sick or can't make the roster. Typically one or both of the reserves will attend tourneys but they are not required. He pulls he DD I am covered.

 

[alexander58]

Don't think you can single him out before he acts up in your tournament. I think I might arrange a mandatory parents meeting after the team is selected, and go over a pretty specific list of expectations of the players and parents (practice expectations, how you plan to address playing time and positions, no bad-mouthing the umpires, no jeering of opposing players, no coaching of their DD's from the bleachers, etc.). You may want to hand out a printed copy of them as well. I have seen organizations require the parents sign a "Code of Conduct" in order for their kids to participate. Remind them as a group who the tournament is for (the kids), and how you as the manager want to make it as enjoyable for the kids as possible. Frame it in such a way that no one with any sense could argue with it. Then you can talk about repurcussions if they violate the rules. This way you are addressing it with all of them, and if he does act up, you have the ammunition you need to deal with him.

+1 The meeting with all the parents is the way to go. I've never cut a girl because of parent issues. I won't say I wasn't tempted and I won't say it was all rosy.But, ultimately, it all worked out.

 

[mad hornet]

+1 The meeting with all the parents is the way to go. I've never cut a girl because of parent issues. I won't say I wasn't tempted and I won't say it was all rosy.But, ultimately, it all worked out.

When you pick the kids you also pick the parents. You know the score with dad. It's not just about that parent and player either. One bad apple can spoil the whole barrel. From what I've read about your situation, you've already got challenges politically. No sense making it harder on yourself. Are you required to take so many players?

Personally I have picked kids and avoided them based on historical parent behavior. No regrets (so far).

 

[SoCalDad]

My DD speaks very highly of the daughter and tells me she has heard nothing but positive comments about her work ethic and play from her current teammates (yes I have been sending my DD out on her own scouting expeditions). Now for those of you who are offended by religious discussions stop reading here.

As a Christian I turn to the bible when confronted with ethical dilemmas. To liberally paraphrase Ezekial 18:20 daughters do not bear the sins of the father (yes you can argue Deuteronomy 5:9 contradicts this but you have to take it in full context that it applies to those who reject God). I cannot in good conscious exclude this girl from the team as she I have been told she exhibits the behaviors I expect in a member of my team. If I did exclude her it would be because of her father and I would be betraying a core tenant of my beliefs. Yes I am probably creating a headache for myself but I am willing to take on that burden. I will carefully word my parent meeting to make it clear that I will deal directly and immediately with code of conduct violations by either players or parents.