dd without fire
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3sDad
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Motivation?
Old saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make them drink...I know what my kids ability is...I have one requirement for me to continue to fund her ball, haul her all over creation, and spend money like Willie Nelson at a hemp fest....She plays to her ability, 100% all the time, and that doesnt mean batting 1000 or absolutely no errors, I mean to her ABILITY....or she can wave to the team as we go home, because thats all I can accept, and she owes her team and herself that....I'd simply ask your DD, do you REALLY want to play ball?...her answer may surprise you....but if she says yes, you lay the ground rules...
Old saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make them drink...I know what my kids ability is...I have one requirement for me to continue to fund her ball, haul her all over creation, and spend money like Willie Nelson at a hemp fest....She plays to her ability, 100% all the time, and that doesnt mean batting 1000 or absolutely no errors, I mean to her ABILITY....or she can wave to the team as we go home, because thats all I can accept, and she owes her team and herself that....I'd simply ask your DD, do you REALLY want to play ball?...her answer may surprise you....but if she says yes, you lay the ground rules...
Is there a boyfriend, in the picture?
I truly hate them coming to the games. Never really was an issue til this year. When I was 14-16 you couldn't drag me to a softball game. How times have changed.
First, how old?
She is entitled to make her own decisions about what she does or does not want to do. There is nothing magical or wondrous about softball. It is simply a game played by kids. Almost all kids give up organized sports by the time they are sophomores in high school. Sooner or later, all athletes quit.
A kid I know was a pretty good HS basketball player, but he didn't work at it. He had all the tools, but he didn't like practicing. So, he eventually quit. Some people said he was lazy, but the truth is that he didn't enjoy basketball enough to work at it. By the way, his first starring role in a TV series airs for 13 weeks starting in January.
He worked 10x harder at being an actor then he ever worked at being a basketball player. Why? Basically: He wanted to be an actor and he really didn't want to be a basketball player.
I disagree with 3sDad--you can't make a kid practice hard, no matter how much you threaten or cajole them. The child will decide whether she will or won't practice. Parents simply have to listen and watch, and not be judgmental about their child's decision.
She is entitled to make her own decisions about what she does or does not want to do. There is nothing magical or wondrous about softball. It is simply a game played by kids. Almost all kids give up organized sports by the time they are sophomores in high school. Sooner or later, all athletes quit.
A kid I know was a pretty good HS basketball player, but he didn't work at it. He had all the tools, but he didn't like practicing. So, he eventually quit. Some people said he was lazy, but the truth is that he didn't enjoy basketball enough to work at it. By the way, his first starring role in a TV series airs for 13 weeks starting in January.
He worked 10x harder at being an actor then he ever worked at being a basketball player. Why? Basically: He wanted to be an actor and he really didn't want to be a basketball player.
I disagree with 3sDad--you can't make a kid practice hard, no matter how much you threaten or cajole them. The child will decide whether she will or won't practice. Parents simply have to listen and watch, and not be judgmental about their child's decision.
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Thus the reason 16U games are so fast-paced and exciting to watch. Only the best continue to play.....
It is only the 'pure' and 'driven' that compete in sports at the highest levels. The magical age of 15, some are driving, there are boyfreinds etc.
The social peer pressure is nearly unbearable for this age group.
While that is pretty normal, I have an idea. Coach Candrea said during his last clinic, that he allows it only during static stretching. After static stretching, everything has to be at top speed and about softball.
Also, coaches shouldn't allow standing and walking.
Maybe her coach is the one that isn't on fire. ( LOL, I hope that isn't you, Flop.)
- Jul 26, 2010
- 3,553
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"Letting go" is the hardest thing to do.
In my experience, there is nothing a parent can do in this situation. Your daughter will either want to work hard, or she won't. You can't reason with her, you can't bribe her, you can't threaten her. . . at least, not and accomplish what you want to accomplish, which is to have her fall in love with the game as much as you have. Have you ever been in a relationship where you love the other person a lot more then they love you, and it tears you up inside until you finally get smart enough to walk away? Being a father who loves a sport, or sports in general, more then their kid does is the same kind of pain. It's just going to hurt, but the father can choose to do positive things with that hurt, or negative things.
There is one thing you can try. You can try having someone who is not her parent whom your daughter has a great deal of appreciation and respect for talk to your daughter. This doesn't always work, but I've seen it work in the past. The trick is that there has to be a large amount of respect towards that person on the part of your daughter, and it can't be the kind of respect earned through fear, if you know what I mean.
In most respects, the parents of kids who choose to be pitchers are insane. Their lives are difficult, schedules crazy, ect. However, the parents of kids who are pitchers usually get to experience the "lack of fire" syndrome earlier on, it tends to be more explosive when the conflict happens, and unless the parents are just really dumb and stubborn, it is over with pretty quickly. The reason for this is that pitching is one of those things where a kid is only ever going to be as good as what they put into it, and every time they get up to pitch they're going to be tested and have to prove exactly how good, or not good, they are.
When my daughter was 11, she lost the fire, lost the edge, whatever you want to call it. At first I did the dumb stubborn parent thing and "forced" her to practice. Biggest waste of time ever, and it just made our personal relationship miserable. Finally I just swallowed my pride and stopped asking/forcing her to practice. A month or so went by, and she started asking me to go pitch with her. . take her to the cages, ect. Now she asks nearly every day. We still have our share of emotional breakdowns, and I still think I want to practice more then she does (or at least at different times). I make every possible effort to always drop what I'm doing when she asks and go practice with her. I don't rub this "sacrifice" in her face, hell I don't even mention it. I just put on my shades, grab my mitt, and go practice. Inside I'm beaming every time she works hard at it.
I don't know how long it will last. Part of me has braced for the inevitable event of her loosing her fire again (statistical, it's going to happen. Few players get D1 scholarships and HS ball is just rec ball for older kids. TB takes a huge commitment and I'm not going to do it anymore when she's not 100% committed.), but I'm also doing my best to enjoy the ride.
I'm not sure how much this helps, but at least you know you're not alone. Always remember that there is nothing "wrong" with your daughter. Don't think worse of her just because she doesn't like something the same way that you do. Softball is a game, when it stops being fun, it stops being anything at all.
-W
In my experience, there is nothing a parent can do in this situation. Your daughter will either want to work hard, or she won't. You can't reason with her, you can't bribe her, you can't threaten her. . . at least, not and accomplish what you want to accomplish, which is to have her fall in love with the game as much as you have. Have you ever been in a relationship where you love the other person a lot more then they love you, and it tears you up inside until you finally get smart enough to walk away? Being a father who loves a sport, or sports in general, more then their kid does is the same kind of pain. It's just going to hurt, but the father can choose to do positive things with that hurt, or negative things.
There is one thing you can try. You can try having someone who is not her parent whom your daughter has a great deal of appreciation and respect for talk to your daughter. This doesn't always work, but I've seen it work in the past. The trick is that there has to be a large amount of respect towards that person on the part of your daughter, and it can't be the kind of respect earned through fear, if you know what I mean.
In most respects, the parents of kids who choose to be pitchers are insane. Their lives are difficult, schedules crazy, ect. However, the parents of kids who are pitchers usually get to experience the "lack of fire" syndrome earlier on, it tends to be more explosive when the conflict happens, and unless the parents are just really dumb and stubborn, it is over with pretty quickly. The reason for this is that pitching is one of those things where a kid is only ever going to be as good as what they put into it, and every time they get up to pitch they're going to be tested and have to prove exactly how good, or not good, they are.
When my daughter was 11, she lost the fire, lost the edge, whatever you want to call it. At first I did the dumb stubborn parent thing and "forced" her to practice. Biggest waste of time ever, and it just made our personal relationship miserable. Finally I just swallowed my pride and stopped asking/forcing her to practice. A month or so went by, and she started asking me to go pitch with her. . take her to the cages, ect. Now she asks nearly every day. We still have our share of emotional breakdowns, and I still think I want to practice more then she does (or at least at different times). I make every possible effort to always drop what I'm doing when she asks and go practice with her. I don't rub this "sacrifice" in her face, hell I don't even mention it. I just put on my shades, grab my mitt, and go practice. Inside I'm beaming every time she works hard at it.
I don't know how long it will last. Part of me has braced for the inevitable event of her loosing her fire again (statistical, it's going to happen. Few players get D1 scholarships and HS ball is just rec ball for older kids. TB takes a huge commitment and I'm not going to do it anymore when she's not 100% committed.), but I'm also doing my best to enjoy the ride.
I'm not sure how much this helps, but at least you know you're not alone. Always remember that there is nothing "wrong" with your daughter. Don't think worse of her just because she doesn't like something the same way that you do. Softball is a game, when it stops being fun, it stops being anything at all.
-W
My dd is 13 soon to be 14 I have coached her but not her travel team. There is no boy that I know of but her and her mom may be keeping me out of the loop because I also coach youth football and could make it rough for the boy I wouldn't do that. I sometimes feel its her one friend who really doesn't do anything. The friend plays vollryball but not real well but my dd plays better than her and plays more than her. I sometimes think she doesn't want leave her friend out or behind because my dd is a much better athlete than she is.
