My DD is 14 and was one of two freshman who made the varsity hs team. She is a pitcher and they told her she would be go down to jv to pitch as they use one pitcher on the hs team. The senior girl is an all state pitcher and is very good..not to mention that our team is ranked #1 in the state. She did the practices 6 days a week and sat almost all of the varsity games except a few in which she played out field/hit or ran. She went down to jv every other game and pitched well and won every one of her games. I knew she was getting bored and frustrated as the coach wouldn't even put in the bench girls when the games were blow outs. Coach is trying to keep the stats up for the girls who play and keep the college coaches coming to our games. The team has 6 all conference players and 4 all state. So apparently the coach is doing something right. They called up from jv another pitcher that thows harder but has bad numbers. Pitches and hits very unorthodox, but can throws a bullet spin fastball that sounds impressive when it hits the catchers glove, but usually gets smacked into centerfield. My dd was very upset about this as she has been with the varsity team all season and has better numbers. They pitched this other last girl the last varsity game to the worst team in the league as it was a meaningless game. She was getting hit hard but we have an all state infield that makes spectaculor plays. The problem is that my daughter doesn't want to do hs ball next year and just do travel ball as she doesn't want to go back to this coach for slighting her. My thought is that if the coaches saw something in her to take her to varsity that she was being too hard on herself. She did pitch in the inner squad srimmages weekly and did well. She feels like the coach ruined the game for her and she wasn't enjoying the hs ball experience. She really enjoys travel ball but was let down that hs softball wasn't everything she dreamed it would be. How would you handle?
Broken Heart
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- Nov 29, 2009
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It sounds like your DD is at an ultra competitive HS for softball. I would bet the coach schedules as many tough games as possible to keep the team sharp. If you have college coaches coming to watch HS games the coach is doing something right.
The coach has been bringing her up to be with the varsity team the entire season while getting her innings at the JV level. She's had the best of both worlds all season long. She has the pitching innings and she gets to participate and practice with a very competitive varsity program.. As a FRESHAMN!!!!!!!!!!! The coach is looking ahead for the next couple of years. He sounds like a coach who knows how to succeed at the HS level.
After all this your DD is pouting because the coach gave another pitcher on JV one game against a weak team?? Gimmie a break!!! Your daughter is sitting in the best possible position she can be for the next three years. You better take the time to explain that to her.
If she is going to crumble under a little adversity she shouldn't think about playing in college. There's a lot of it at that level.
There are VERY few freshman who jump into HS who are impact players. Does she play 18U travel ball? That's what she'd be playing in HS.
The coach has been bringing her up to be with the varsity team the entire season while getting her innings at the JV level. She's had the best of both worlds all season long. She has the pitching innings and she gets to participate and practice with a very competitive varsity program.. As a FRESHAMN!!!!!!!!!!! The coach is looking ahead for the next couple of years. He sounds like a coach who knows how to succeed at the HS level.
After all this your DD is pouting because the coach gave another pitcher on JV one game against a weak team?? Gimmie a break!!! Your daughter is sitting in the best possible position she can be for the next three years. You better take the time to explain that to her.
If she is going to crumble under a little adversity she shouldn't think about playing in college. There's a lot of it at that level.
There are VERY few freshman who jump into HS who are impact players. Does she play 18U travel ball? That's what she'd be playing in HS.
I agree with the second post in this thread. Quite frankly, as someone who has played for my HS since 8th grade (senior now with a high school team ranked within in the top ten in the state, headed to regionals tomorrow) this is not my first rodeo and she's lucky to have gotten what she's gotten. Heck, we had a freshman named first team all district and we were surprised that they got that. Not only do a lot of coaches not want to put freshman on Varsity, they don't want to give them awards either.
Everything comes in turn. When she's a senior, she'll be living it big. Sometimes you gotta step back and wait your turn. It teaches you something--character.
Everything comes in turn. When she's a senior, she'll be living it big. Sometimes you gotta step back and wait your turn. It teaches you something--character.
At least she didn't have to carry their bags. 
- May 25, 2010
- 1,070
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How terrible!
Right now, the wounds are still fresh, so there's no point in making any declarative statements about plans for spring 2012 when they have not yet finished the current season.
If next winter rolls around and she's not interested in trying out for HS ball again, that's fine. If she doesn't want to do it, then she doesn't want to do it. There's another girl out there who would love to have the opportunity created by your DD electing not to play.
For now, though, read, re-read, copy, print, and post Sparky Guy's response somewhere in your home. There are several thousand HS softball players nationwide who wish their situations were as bad as your DD's.
This is going to be a little tough love...
There are two kinds of competition in sports. The first kind of competition is against the other team. The second kind is against players on your own team for playing time. The second kind is where the great players are made.
A lot of parents and kids don't understand "competition within the team for playing time." Basically, the concept is that if players have to fight and claw for playing time, then they will become better players. They will work harder. So, no player on the is guaranteed *anything*. Coaches who run teams like this usually consistently produce winners--they also make a lot of parents unhappy.
The coach is telling your DD:
(1) There is going to be only one big dog pitcher on this team who will get almost all of the innings.
(2) Your DD is not guaranteed that spot.
(3) The coach believes the other pitcher has at least as much, and possibly more, potential that your DD.
(4) There is no seniority system. If a kid comes in as a freshman when your DD is a senior, and she is better than your DD, your DD will sit.
So, your DD can either say, "I want that top spot and I will do whatever it takes to get it." Or she can say, "I don't want to play this game" and give up.
It is a dog-eat-dog battle, and your DD either bucks up and rises to the challenge, or she doesn't. It is up to her.
Not being a part of the whole year, and what may have gone on, and not trying to portray your daughter in a negative light.... BUT, has she maybe been a bit braggy? As suggested by sluggers, the coach may be giving her a wake up call?
When I was young, I wrestled. I left the school due to family move, but came back three years later. The weight class I was at had a senior who had wrestled his whole life, and in my mind, deserved to have the varsity spot, I was a sophomore. I talked to the coach before the season started and told him I wouldn't fight for the spot, and that I would let him have it. Alot of the kids didn't know me from Jack at this point, and just assumed this guy won the spot, he also got a bit egotistical during the season, so the coach finally called a grudge match. The whole team picked him to win, and then the coach walked to my side...the team looked stunned. Of course, I won the match. That young man changed his attitude real quick from that moment on, and started putting in the work to become a better wrestler, nor longer content to be the good wrestler he was.
I just feel sad that your daughter seems to be struggling with what happened. I know everyone is coming down on you here, so it must be tough to not become extremely defensive. I think the key to this all is right now it is emotion, and may be for up to 6 months...you need to try and protect yourselves from emotional decisions for a bit. As a pitcher, she should understand the concept of once that pitch has let loose, she needs to turn around and forget about how the pitch felt, and start thinking about the next pitch. At least you have learned something also, the coach has identified something specifically that he is looking for in a pitcher. Take that knowledge to your pitching instructor and say, this is a major issue for us, can you help us make this an asset for her? She will do the work, but she needs the knowledge.
Hang in there.
When I was young, I wrestled. I left the school due to family move, but came back three years later. The weight class I was at had a senior who had wrestled his whole life, and in my mind, deserved to have the varsity spot, I was a sophomore. I talked to the coach before the season started and told him I wouldn't fight for the spot, and that I would let him have it. Alot of the kids didn't know me from Jack at this point, and just assumed this guy won the spot, he also got a bit egotistical during the season, so the coach finally called a grudge match. The whole team picked him to win, and then the coach walked to my side...the team looked stunned. Of course, I won the match. That young man changed his attitude real quick from that moment on, and started putting in the work to become a better wrestler, nor longer content to be the good wrestler he was.
I just feel sad that your daughter seems to be struggling with what happened. I know everyone is coming down on you here, so it must be tough to not become extremely defensive. I think the key to this all is right now it is emotion, and may be for up to 6 months...you need to try and protect yourselves from emotional decisions for a bit. As a pitcher, she should understand the concept of once that pitch has let loose, she needs to turn around and forget about how the pitch felt, and start thinking about the next pitch. At least you have learned something also, the coach has identified something specifically that he is looking for in a pitcher. Take that knowledge to your pitching instructor and say, this is a major issue for us, can you help us make this an asset for her? She will do the work, but she needs the knowledge.
Hang in there.
I would reread your original post. Look at how you worded some of your comments. The other pitcher throws harder then your DD, but has bad stats. Her bullet spin pitch sounds good, but gets smacked. The All State infield just made spectacular plays. If you think about those comments, you will notice you are helping your DD make excuses. We are talking about one game, that by your own words was meaningless. Now your DD doesn't want to play HS next year. To be a top player on a top team, she is going to need to develop a desire that is second to none. If another player is playing her spot, she should want to work even harder to get it back. I think this will be a great lesson for her and you to learn as a freshman. Let this be her fuel for the practice sessions to come. You should be pushing her to be heads and shoulders above the other JV pitcher and win the spot. Good luck and I hope she sticks it out. Sounds like she is on a great HS program. I would hate to see someone throw that away.
- Mar 11, 2009
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The way I see it, your DD got a good look at what level the JV pitcher is at now. She can use that as positive motivation to take that varsity spot next year. If your DD has better control and doesn't get hit as hard then its a good indication that she might get varsity time next year in the circle if she continues to work harder than the JV pitcher does until next season starts. Use that as motivation to work harder. The JV pitcher might have opened the door for your DD, she has to work hard to open it and walk thru. Good luck...
About a month ago my boss gave another VP lead on the biggest project our division will be managing for the next 3 years. This was a shock to me as the stats clearly showed I am a superior manager. My last two projects won the CFO award and the Diamond award. This other managers last project was specifically identified by our CEO in his annual town hall as one of the worst projects the company has executed since his tenure began 3 years ago. Regardless my boss saw something in this other manager that gave him the big dog role over me. The projects he assigned me for this year are the equivalent of JV work. I confronted my boss and asked him why. His response? There will be a significant management overhaul in the next 6 months, you will be in a position to step up and take on a much bigger role in the organization as the department you are leading has junior managers who can take over your responsibilities. The other manager is going to be far too busy with his project to be considered for more important roles in the organization.
How does this relate to your DD? Your coach made it clear that there was a big dog but he did not make clear the succession plan. There was another pitcher who may also have had a claim to the starting role next year. In order to silence any criticism he had to show that the other pitcher was not ready to carry the team. He gave her an easy assignment that she did not excel at. When he announces your DD is the starter next year he will have the other pitcher's performance as evidence he made the right decision.
How does this relate to your DD? Your coach made it clear that there was a big dog but he did not make clear the succession plan. There was another pitcher who may also have had a claim to the starting role next year. In order to silence any criticism he had to show that the other pitcher was not ready to carry the team. He gave her an easy assignment that she did not excel at. When he announces your DD is the starter next year he will have the other pitcher's performance as evidence he made the right decision.
