And y'all thought softball coaches are psycho.....

[JAD]

Just when I thought fastpitch softball had cornered the market on psycho coaches.....I came across this gem last night on one of the football message boards. Not sure if this is legit or tongue in cheek, but it is still funny!!!

I had a dynamite draft for my youth FB team tonight

I'd give myself an A or an A+. Just a great mix of addressing needs, getting some great athletes and nasty hitters on defense, a few underrated players and finished off the last rounds draft with several kids I feel pretty certain I'll be able to run off by Labor Day. Got some intel before the draft that one kid played the piccolo so I snapped him up immediately after all of the useful players were taken. I'll put the over/under on him at two practices.

Just sent an email to the parents congratulating them on having their sons drafted to this team. I've asked them all to get high and tight haircuts this weekend. I negotiated a deal at the local Great Clips where they can get one for just $3.00. I also distributed the offensive and defensive playbooks and asked all the parents to take 30 minutes out of their kids normal homework time each night to learn the plays in advance of next Thursday's practice. Lastly, I asked them to try and keep non-football related school absences to a minimum, because throughout the year I'll be asking the to hold their kids out of school for the entire day or pick them up early so they can focus on certain games.

We'll see how much butthurt that inspires. It's going to get worse before it gets better, but that's part of the weeding out process.

I had a dynamite draft for my youth FB team tonight | Rivals Message Boards

 

[quincy]

I need to go take a shower.

 

[29dad]

NOT SURE if this is tongue in cheek? This was OBVIOUSLY tongue in cheek!! And yes, VERY funny.

 

[CPEM]

I soooooooo want to believe that he's being facetious. Please, please, PUUUUHHHHHHLLLLEEEEASSSSEEE don't let this be real.

 

[nanotech14]

Also parents, if your kids are afraid of needles. I will send those kids home after the first weight room workout, with their growth hormones in powder form. The needle is still the best way, but we will work around that.

Thank you,
Your coach of the year in midget football the last 10 years.

 

[JJsqueeze]

It is a fine piece of youth sports forum satire. the fact that it kinda sorta sounds almost sincere is why it is so good. Bravo random football guy....bravo

 

[Slow Lefty]

Haha...good stuff.

 

[CPEM]

Also parents, if your kids are afraid of needles. I will send those kids home after the first weight room workout, with their growth hormones in powder form. The needle is still the best way, but we will work around that.

Thank you,
Your coach of the year in midget football the last 10 years.

Reminds me of what I saw at work the other day:

 

[slingnit]

He will have the best 8u team in the country

 

[Jr10234]

Just watched week 1 of full-contact football for 9 year olds. Three of the 24-man roster did not see the field in the entire 40- minute game, stretched out over 3.25 hours. I bet he's for real.