So tired of hearing "it's not fair" from other parents

[MsDinosaur]

My daughter is not religious and team prayer circles make her extremely uncomfortable. It's not usually an issue, because they don't normally occur in our area. However, when the team travels south, to Arkansas or Oklahoma, for instance, prayer circles ARE the norm. The rest of her teammates wade right in and she's left saying, "Uh, no thanks." It builds a difference and a distance that wasn't there before.

 

[riseball]

My daughter is not religious and team prayer circles make her extremely uncomfortable. It's not usually an issue, because they don't normally occur in our area. However, when the team travels south, to Arkansas or Oklahoma, for instance, prayer circles ARE the norm. The rest of her teammates wade right in and she's left saying, "Uh, no thanks." It builds a difference and a distance that wasn't there before.

My family and I are not religious either. Not by any means. However, we have no issue joining in a prayer circle. If that is how some wish to celebrate and it may somehow enrich the experience by us taking 60 seconds and participating it certainly takes nothing away from us, so we join in. I think it is matter of perspective. You may want to ask her why it makes her uncomfortable. It may have nothing to do with religion or her own particular beliefs.

 

[BobInMadison]

My daughter is not religious and team prayer circles make her extremely uncomfortable. It's not usually an issue, because they don't normally occur in our area. However, when the team travels south, to Arkansas or Oklahoma, for instance, prayer circles ARE the norm. The rest of her teammates wade right in and she's left saying, "Uh, no thanks." It builds a difference and a distance that wasn't there before.

I grew up in Arkansas, Fayetteville to be precise, close to the border with Oklahoma. My mother was born and raised in Oklahoma, as were her parents (although my grandmother was actually from Indian Territory, before OK was a state).

It is precisely your DD's situation that makes me leery of prayer circles. They may be intended to unite a team, but can very often cause unneeded divisions.

 

[CoogansBluff]

My daughter is not religious and team prayer circles make her extremely uncomfortable. It's not usually an issue, because they don't normally occur in our area. However, when the team travels south, to Arkansas or Oklahoma, for instance, prayer circles ARE the norm. The rest of her teammates wade right in and she's left saying, "Uh, no thanks." It builds a difference and a distance that wasn't there before.

Agree.

For players who don't share the same religious beliefs, a prayer circle forces them into an uncomfortable choice -- Either they join in something that is not who they are, or they don't join and draw unwanted attention to themselves for walking away. Teammates should be as one on the ballfield, IMO. What you said is well put - ''It builds a difference and a distance that wasn't there before.''

 

[BobInMadison]

My family and I are not religious either. Not by any means. However, we have no issue joining in a prayer circle. If that is how some wish to celebrate and it may somehow enrich the experience by us taking 60 seconds and participating it certainly takes nothing away from us, so we join in. I think it is matter of perspective. You may want to ask her why it makes her uncomfortable. It may have nothing to do with religion or her own particular beliefs.

Riseball has a good point.

Growing up in Arkansas, I would often join friends' prayer meetings or church activities or even go to Vacation Bible School with other kids. At times, though, the heavy presence of religion in that part of the country seemed to make me a bit of an atheist for a while, perhaps as a form of rebellion. I really had a conflict between my natural curiosity about other folks' religion and the desire to make uip my own mind, rather than being forced to make up my own mind. I was astonished when I learned more about the predominate faith in that part of the country, and found that it was based upon the idea of people choosing their faith out of their own free will., and forbade baptism of infants. The way people acted often contradicted the principles of their faith, which is why others were often rather apologetic about it.

My DD #1 will sometimes attend Christian church services with friends, even though our family is not very religious, and more of a Buddhist bent than anything else.

So, perhaps it would be enlightening for you to discuss with the little dinosaur as to why she finds the situation uncomfortable. Lots of possibilities, including maybe her feeling a bit left out of things.

 

[JJsqueeze]

I'll join anyone in their prayers with no problem, I look at it as a nice opportunity to hedge my bets.

 

[MsDinosaur]

My family and I are not religious either. Not by any means. However, we have no issue joining in a prayer circle. If that is how some wish to celebrate and it may somehow enrich the experience by us taking 60 seconds and participating it certainly takes nothing away from us, so we join in. I think it is matter of perspective. You may want to ask her why it makes her uncomfortable. It may have nothing to do with religion or her own particular beliefs.

My husband and I are both lapsed churchgoers and we've urged her to simply join in, go through the motions and not let it be a big deal. Her father and I are perfectly happy being Christians at Christmas and praying anytime someone wants us to.

She did once join in a prayer circle, but she agonized over it afterward. She said she felt she'd been untrue to herself. I think part of that is being 14 years old and seeing things in black and white. It seems to be that since she's decided that it's just not logical for there to be a God or gods, it's wrong to pretend to pray. It's a hard time for her and I do feel some sympathy. It's not as though she's walked into a church and was shocked, shocked to find praying there. She's walked onto a softball field, to play softball.

However, I worry that her father and I have done and are doing wrong by her, by not teaching her to fit in better. Human history is full of examples of the dangers of being "other."

 

[CoogansBluff]

I worry that her father and I have done and are doing wrong by her, by not teaching her to fit in better. Human history is full of examples of the dangers of being "other."

Human history is also full of examples of the dangers of fitting in.

Sounds like you and her father have done a good job of giving her the freedom to try things and decide for herself what feels right, IMHO.

 

[CycloneSoftball22]

My daughter is not religious and team prayer circles make her extremely uncomfortable. It's not usually an issue, because they don't normally occur in our area. However, when the team travels south, to Arkansas or Oklahoma, for instance, prayer circles ARE the norm. The rest of her teammates wade right in and she's left saying, "Uh, no thanks." It builds a difference and a distance that wasn't there before.

There are always going to be those choices throughout her life. If she chooses to not do the circles because she is uncomfortable , then that is her right. But , it DOES make the others comfortable and they have made their choice as well. Just gotta live with it either way.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

You have to look at the diversity of religion, just like anything else that's diversified. Look at softball, lots of diversity in the sport we love. You have women's, men's, co-ed, fastpitch, slowpitch, rec, little league, middle school, high school, travel ball, college. Lots of different rules, opinions, beliefs, rituals, in the game of softball. ( very much like a religion )

Mostly in life we are uncomfortable with what we don't understand, or is new to us. I dated a Spanish girl in HS, I met her large family for the first time at a home party. I was the only light skinned person there, the house decorations were like nothing I'd ever seen, the food was different from what I was accustom to, many spoke in a different language, her 4 older brothers looked like they wanted to kill me the whole day...................I was uncomfortable.

When I would pick up with a new baseball team for the weekend............I always felt a tad uncomfortable. First time I kissed a girl............I was uncomfortable. First time I filed my own taxes............I was uncomfortable. First house I bought on my own...........I was uncomfortable. It's only human nature.