So tired of hearing "it's not fair" from other parents

[CoogansBluff]

Thank you for your kind words. So I would ask, what would you propose as a solution? Do we poll the players and in the absence of unanimous consent prohibit the prayer circle? Do we ask them to take it off the field to behind the dugout? If someone is uncomfortable with it occurring behind the dugout, do we then move it to the parking lot? While I appreciate that it may from time to time make some players uncomfortable, is it fair to others who wish to participate? It is a very complex issue with no easy answer. I look forward to the next practice with my 18U team and having a team discussion. Although I am afraid that nothing makes them uncomfortable.

My advice is simply that coaches be aware of this fact - that prayer circles make some players uncomfortable. Also important that coaches understand why, that it's not an issue of being offended, or having rights violated, but of being put in an awkward position of having to choose between pretending, or feeling left out w/ your teammates on the field.

If a coach is aware of it, he will encourage/invite players and parents to express their feelings about it, publicly or privately. If he's not aware of it, or doesn't care, then he'll assume all is well and wait for a complaint. So I guess that's my solution - be aware, be sensitive. The fact that you'd have a discussion about it at your next practice tells me you're taking that approach, which I commend.

 

[riseball]

My advice is simply that coaches be aware of this fact - that prayer circles make some players uncomfortable. Also important that coaches understand why, that it's not an issue of being offended, or having rights violated, but of being put in an awkward position of having to choose between pretending, or feeling left out w/ your teammates on the field.

If a coach is aware of it, he will encourage/invite players and parents to express their feelings about it, publicly or privately. If he's not aware of it, or doesn't care, then he'll assume all is well and wait for a complaint. So I guess that's my solution - be aware, be sensitive. The fact that you'd have a discussion about it at your next practice tells me you're taking that approach, which I commend.

I don't think that I will find that I have a player that has an issue with it one way or the other because at 18U they do not seem too reserved about expressing their feelings. I think that this may be much more of an issue for the younger girls especially in the 12U-14U range where I guess it could be very uncomfortable. I have been coaching 18U for a long time and my youngest, DD#4 is 19 and in college. I guess I forget what it is like when they are younger. My coaching style has become very direct which works very well at 18U. So to your point I think you have opened my eyes a bit and I have a greater appreciation and wider perspective of the issue.

 

[Greenmonsters]

Several thoughts and a story

1. A prayer circle has never offended me. I can't say the same about a winner's tunnel.

2. I can appreciate the intent, but I find it interesting that prayer circles most often seem to be performed in the most prominent of places on athletic fields i.e., the pitcher's circle, the logo on the 50-yard line or at center court etc.

3. Back in the day when Liberty University was just Liberty Baptist College, I was offered salvation while standing on second base during a pitching change and Jerry Falwell walked behind the umpire during a live pitch to enter our dugout to check on my teammate who had broken his finger. Some of my teammates were comfortable, some vocalized their discomfort, and others just took it all in.

 

[John Kelly]

"Fairness" is a relative term and subjective. So, yes I agree with you. I have seen this at the rec, high school and travel level for going on 15 years. Few parents are able to honest assess their kid's true athletic talent and that, coupled with our entitlement society where people expect something for nothing, makes this a growing problem.

Pettiness and jealousy are on the rise and most of these whiners are just not very happy people. In the bigger picture the sad thing is the message they are sending their kids. They don't instill, like you obviously do with your daughter, the value of competition and hard work to "earn" their spots.

Anyway, good post!

 

[BobInMadison]

I don't think that I will find that I have a player that has an issue with it one way or the other because at 18U they do not seem too reserved about expressing their feelings. I think that this may be much more of an issue for the younger girls especially in the 12U-14U range where I guess it could be very uncomfortable. I have been coaching 18U for a long time and my youngest, DD#4 is 19 and in college. I guess I forget what it is like when they are younger. My coaching style has become very direct which works very well at 18U. So to your point I think you have opened my eyes a bit and I have a greater appreciation and wider perspective of the issue.

Probably the best thing that can happen to a coach is to look at life from the viewpoint of the player, when that viewpoint is different.

One of my all-time favorite coaches was my 7th grade gym teacher. I was the clumsiest kid in the class by far, and these were really big classes, big enough to split into 4 football teams, for example. The coach greeted my parents enthusiastically during parent/teacher night, and raved about me. My parents were completely confused. Did he mean the wrong kid? No, he had great stories to tell, like the time I feel in a hole going out to the fields. It was just that he believed that anyone could teach the really athletic kids the basics of sports, but it creative teaching to teach the clumsiest kid. He was very happy about my progress from clumsy oaf to less-clumsy oaf. Great teacher.

 

[klamath632]

To this , I pretty much say " so what?" If they truly believe in their convictions to not do it , then the attention they receive just wont matter to them. I have had players on my team not join in and nobody ever brought it up. The rest of the team never treated them any differently. They all know it is a personal choice

Since it's never been a problem for you, it's never been a problem for any girl anywhere anytime. Thanks for clearing that up!

 

[cuzmail]

Seems counterproductive to a team environment and self righteous.

Disagree.
If it makes the player uncomfortable or feel offended (sigh), then they shouldn't participate. Penalizing the remaining players is just as uncomfortable or offensive for them. Who wins that argument?

 

[cuzmail]

My daughter is not religious and team prayer circles make her extremely uncomfortable. It's not usually an issue, because they don't normally occur in our area. However, when the team travels south, to Arkansas or Oklahoma, for instance, prayer circles ARE the norm. The rest of her teammates wade right in and she's left saying, "Uh, no thanks." It builds a difference and a distance that wasn't there before.

I understand you DD's perspective, but why should the other players have to do something they don't want to in order to maintain one player's comfort? She shouldn't participate if she doesn't want to. At the same time, she shouldn't ask others to do any differently than they are doing either.

 

[Sweet Lou]

I understand you DD's perspective, but why should the other players have to do something they don't want to in order to maintain one player's comfort? She shouldn't participate if she doesn't want to. At the same time, she shouldn't ask others to do any differently than they are doing either.

Because Ms. D's DD joined a softball team not a religious group.

There are all kinds of rituals religious and non-religious that can make folks uncomfortable. Sure she can say no, but it has the potential to create a whole lot of tension that wasn't there before.

I haven't seen a prayer circle at softball but then we play all our games in the pagan nor-cal area. I myself wouldn't really have a problem with it but I would not encourage it because I know it can make many who are not Christian (which is a fairly large chunck around my neck of the woods) very uncomfortable.

 

[cuzmail]

Because Ms. D's DD joined a softball team not a religious group.

Not to sound too rude, but so?
She didn't join a fundraising group either, but they probably do that too.
I don't see that point as being relevant. Simply put: One player's desires shouldn't dictate the actions of the remaining 12 or so players. It applies to more than just prayer before or after a game. The one player's wishes should be respected, but that doesn't mean one player gets to ban the actions of the remaining players.

Sure she can say no, but it has the potential to create a whole lot of tension that wasn't there before.

I would be willing to bet that there would be a lot more tension if the majority were forced to stop doing something than there would be if she just didn't participate.

I haven't seen a prayer circle at softball but then we play all our games in the pagan nor-cal area.

Thanks for throwing in the humor!