Hi - my daughter is the youngest on an older team. Most girls are 2 years older. She has been experiencing confidence issues, such as not swinging the bat as hard, not having the same zest for the game, complaining that "no one talks to her"...she is very talented and a good player. Any ideas on how to boost her confidence in this situation?
Young Player on an older team - Confidence problem
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- Jul 26, 2010
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Put her on a team with her own age group.
My daughter experienced this, she played on a 14u A team when she was 11. The conversation in the dugout between an 11 year old and 13-15 year olds is very different. She experienced confidence issues as well. I honestly don't think this was because she was "outclassed" but that she simply felt socially inferior because she couldn't relate to the older girls. Even the older girls who did try to take her under their wing didn't help as she felt a bit patronized.
I put her back in 12u after the spring/summer season and she was much happier. Her happiness is far more important then anything else to me. Oh, her softball skills improved dramatically as her confidence increased.
Unless your daughter is some genetic phenom and blows every other girl her age out of the water, you need to reconsider why she is playing up.
Please note, I don't think this problem exists in many other age brakets. 13-14 year olds playing 16u is fine. 8 year olds playing 10 is fine, and 9 year olds playing 12u is fine. Around the age puberty happens and boycrazyness sets in, it just doesn't work.
-W
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My daughter experienced this, she played on a 14u A team when she was 11. The conversation in the dugout between an 11 year old and 13-15 year olds is very different. She experienced confidence issues as well. I honestly don't think this was because she was "outclassed" but that she simply felt socially inferior because she couldn't relate to the older girls. Even the older girls who did try to take her under their wing didn't help as she felt a bit patronized.
I put her back in 12u after the spring/summer season and she was much happier. Her happiness is far more important then anything else to me. Oh, her softball skills improved dramatically as her confidence increased.
Unless your daughter is some genetic phenom and blows every other girl her age out of the water, you need to reconsider why she is playing up.
Please note, I don't think this problem exists in many other age brakets. 13-14 year olds playing 16u is fine. 8 year olds playing 10 is fine, and 9 year olds playing 12u is fine. Around the age puberty happens and boycrazyness sets in, it just doesn't work.
-W
-W
How old is she?
Any chance she can play on a different team this season?
I understand wanting her to play up in a more competitive atmosphere, but as you can see, the wrong personality in the wrong environment can destroy love for the game. Sometimes we forget that the reason our kids love to play is because it's fun for them. Being in a situation where a social person is not able to be "social" really stinks.
It sounds like the interaction with players means a lot to her. My favorite part of the game was always my teammates too. I experienced a lot of really cool things, but the connection with my teammates was always more cool than any of those other things.
Gosh, what a tough position to be in. It almost sounds like you have to tell her not to worry about everyone else and just do her thing. That's an unfortunate place to be when you're playing a team sport though - especially at a younger age. As you get older and you have your own goals, then you are motivated to achieve them despite those you have to work with. You get to a point where you're able to accept that you must work with them for ultimate results on the field, but outside that, you don't need to "worry" about them.
Maybe sitting down with her and setting some goals on what SHE would like to accomplish this year would help. Maybe if she has certain things in site that she is going after it would help.
Talk to her about what she does like as well as what she doesn't like about playing right now. Help her focus on the good things. Help her overcome the desire to focus on things she can't control. Help her make adjustments in the areas that she can control - her thoughts, her effort, her attitude.
Any chance she can play on a different team this season?
I understand wanting her to play up in a more competitive atmosphere, but as you can see, the wrong personality in the wrong environment can destroy love for the game. Sometimes we forget that the reason our kids love to play is because it's fun for them. Being in a situation where a social person is not able to be "social" really stinks.
It sounds like the interaction with players means a lot to her. My favorite part of the game was always my teammates too. I experienced a lot of really cool things, but the connection with my teammates was always more cool than any of those other things.
Gosh, what a tough position to be in. It almost sounds like you have to tell her not to worry about everyone else and just do her thing. That's an unfortunate place to be when you're playing a team sport though - especially at a younger age. As you get older and you have your own goals, then you are motivated to achieve them despite those you have to work with. You get to a point where you're able to accept that you must work with them for ultimate results on the field, but outside that, you don't need to "worry" about them.
Maybe sitting down with her and setting some goals on what SHE would like to accomplish this year would help. Maybe if she has certain things in site that she is going after it would help.
Talk to her about what she does like as well as what she doesn't like about playing right now. Help her focus on the good things. Help her overcome the desire to focus on things she can't control. Help her make adjustments in the areas that she can control - her thoughts, her effort, her attitude.
Coach-n-Dad
Crazy Daddy
- Oct 31, 2008
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She needs to step back a level. Even if she can physically play at a higher level, if she can't hang in there emotionally she shouldn't be there.
- Dec 15, 2009
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depends on what she wants. if she wants to be better than she needs to push herself. playing at a higher level will make her better. but if she just wants to enjoy the game then bring her down a level. freshman called up to varsity often expierence the same emotions that she does.
I am curious what her age is too. There are certain times , both boys and girls, growing up process where 2 years is a huge age difference. Some Teams are lucky enough to have a strong Team leader that mitigates the Issue but it always exists.
Quincy's right about this--her age is everything. If we are talking a freshman in HS playing up on varsity, then she need to toughen up and ride this out. If she is 7 YOA playing on a 10U team, then it isn't worth it.
Gosh, there used to be 2 age groups - 16 and under and then, everyone else. It is too bad that older girls aren't welcoming the younger ones, in this situation. But, you can't force them. They may be jealous of her.
I see this problem sometimes in boy's basketball, when a freshman makes the starting 5.
Good luck. Softball is supposed to be fun.
I see this problem sometimes in boy's basketball, when a freshman makes the starting 5.
Good luck. Softball is supposed to be fun.
- Jul 26, 2010
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I never did ask, but is the kid one of the coaches daughters? If she's on the team because she's the coach's kid, I can expect none of the other girls to talk to her.
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