To go or not to go, that is the question....

[Indiana]

My advice to the OP would be to ask the parents of all of the other players how they feel about the coaching staff and how trips have gone in the past. I know it's hard as a freshman parent, being new, but maybe there is a "team mom/manager" - a parent of one of the seniors, maybe - that you can ask. Get as good a feel as you can for the coach, the staff and the program. Since the coach did say that parents are welcome to come, maybe it is completely normal for parents to go, sleep in the same hotel, and see their daughters at the games and a quick hello during any downtime.

I'm often surprised at how little oversight there is with the athletic departments of the high schools I have been a part of. Any tiny little field trip for class, even just walking down the street, requires a permission slip with a set departure and return time; however, our athletes routinely go places with their high school coach, often (here, anyway) in private cars without any sort of notice as to when the athletes are leaving, when they are returning, or even where they are going (often JV teams play their games at a park field, separate from the high school).

Several years back, a school in our district had an incident of sexual abuse involving a coach. It turned out that this coach already had a "reputation" amongst the students as a sleeze. The school authorities did not notice or react to the warning signs and the incident occured on an overnight trip. I really believe that we as parents have to listen our gut and respond to any situation that makes us, or our daughters, feel "weird".

 

[JJsqueeze]

I would not let my 14 year old go to another state without me being in the same hotel unless she was with one of her Aunts or a close family friend. Even then, she is not to be left alone with any adult man for more than 30 minutes. Call me over protective, but the simple fact is that almost all harm that coms to young girls is a family member/teacher/coach/clergy etc.


I follow the same rules for the girls I am entrusted with, I will never be alone with a kid without another adult present. I hate that the world is this way but there are too many monsters out there and the consequences are too damaging to take the risk. Once she gets to be about 16 then I think they are in a better position to protect themselves and I would consider a solo trip, but 14 year olds are too emotionally immature to know how to protect themselves from a predator.

There is only one adult male in the world that I am 100% sure would never harm my daughters.

 

[KCPRK]

I think everyone thats posted here has noted a certain level of trust in the supervising adults has to exist. How you obtain that trust is pretty straight forward as well.

I dont see anyone saying let her go without knowledge of the situation or the coaches.

And I agree with being protective in this world but the reality is we must teach our children to spot warning signs and what to do about them in all negative aspects of life. That communication must be open as its the unparented kids that are reoutinely the victims.

And as for persepctive-there are millions of kids in these situations everyday. We hear about the negative which is actually less than 1%out of millions. The truth is there are millions of good people that protect and feel responsible for kids not their own.

Dont teach kids to fear the world-teach them to recognize the good and bad and to stay in the good company. Trips like this are necessary life lessons which we prepare them for and then send them on.

 

[JJsqueeze]

I trust my neighbor but I still don't leave stacks of cash in my front yard unattended. Part of protection is removing opportunity so people who otherwise would not do something are not somehow tempted to do something bad. And I don't teach my kids to fear the world, I teach them the way the world really is and then equip them to deal with it. I did not let them cross the street unattended when they were toddlers and this is just one more step on that road. it is not a question of if, but when a girl should go on a trip like this, and I think the answer is simply older than 14.

and your stats are way off....some stats place sexual assault for females as high as 15-25%. your comment about "we hear.." is very telling too, most crimes go unreported.

Lastly- I will reiterate...it is exactly the people that are in positions of trust who are the most likely to offend. I mean come on, how long did the Priest abuse go on? better safe than sorry.

 

[cmustangsfp]

I agree. Your percentages are off. It happens A LOT more than you think. And it doesn't have to be pervasive or lifelong either. For some people, a one time event, especially during a time when most young people are trying to figure out their own sexuality, can have lasting repercussions.

 

[cmustangsfp]

And don't forget, all abusers have more than one victim. They very, rarely (think about 1% out of millions) ever get caught on their first victim. So just because 1 person out of 100 might be the abuser, it doesen't mean they only affect 1 person. If they have 20 victims then 20%>1%.

 

[KCPRK]

I agree with that logic to an extent.

314 million people in the US. 10% is 3 million......20% is 6 million.

The ALL TIME TOTAL (50 years of data) number of sex offenders major and minor is 714,000. I am of the opinion that all media glorification of crimes distorts reality a bit.

NCMEC and dept of justice data shows 1 out of 10 sex crimes is predatory. The remaining 9 are nonviolent, non predatory, and mainly consentual but still against the law (16yo w an 18yold etc) or public urination, streaking etc etc.

So of the 714,000 all time offenders about 7,100 out of hundreds of millions of people in the US are predatory.

 

[oregonfp]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with going to watch your child play in a sporting event. On the typical trip my daughter has been on in HS its 4 players to a room and the coach has decided who stays with who. On these trips my dd has never been alone with a coach. Now these rooms are mostly unsupervised so some of the things the upperclassmen talked about shocked my young freshman last season but that was the extent of it. I could see Amys point of alcohol or something like that happening but thats going to depend more on the kids.

 

[JJsqueeze]

I saw a rat in my kitchen a few weeks ago. I did not assume that the rat I saw was the only one in my house. I prefer the information I have gathered through my life, I know too many women that have suffered abuse to think that the numbers you stated above are anywhere near reality. I think we just disagree on this. God himself could come down and say my girls are safe and I would get on my knees, thank him and then say I'll take my precautions anyway.

 

[KCPRK]

I saw a rat in my kitchen a few weeks ago. I did not assume that the rat I saw was the only one in my house. I prefer the information I have gathered through my life, I know too many women that have suffered abuse to think that the numbers you stated above are anywhere near reality. I think we just disagree on this. God himself could come down and say my girls are safe and I would get on my knees, thank him and then say I'll take my precautions anyway.

Not saying I dont take precatuions too. Everyone agrees on that here.