To go or not to go, that is the question....

[SCDad]

You make a good point.

I don't stay blind. I watch, I listen, and trust the HS group she is with. There is a good history, though sometimes that is not enough.

The only part about the OP's story which is different than mine is the "sleep over" part. This part of it is problematic. Our HS does not do that, when more than enough parents are always present to make sure each player has their "own" bed to sleep in. It seems totally unnecessary, for an event like this, and yeah, possible concern for alarm. Why can they not choose where to sleep? when many, many parents are there just for that?

Sure, I would question why a group of young ladies are forced to sleep in someone elses surroundings, when it is not necessary.

Even then, I would be there, in the same hotel. If I had any inkling my daughter was not comfortable with the sleeping arrangements, I would immediately go to the coach. Say she is young, not entirely comfortable, and she is sleeping in my room. See you in the morning.

The bus part, eating with the team, them having custody, is standard in many parts of the country. It must be dealt with, is part of growing up, and a parent should welcome this transition into early adulthood.

I personally enjoy the out of town HS tourneys. And all of HS in general, because it is structured for the parent to not be involved. DD cannot dial up help from daddy, at her beckons call, for her little needs. I find it very relaxing, and still get to watch her try to perform magic on the field.

 

[BrianMonk]

4) Florida just scares me in general, I don't trust a state with rednecks, aging New Yorkers, gay folks and Cuban exiles all living in harmony. something wrong with that.

You just described Key West. One of my favorite vacation spots. I've even taken my kids there.

A very eclectic but really fun place. Someway somehow it all works out when you just sit down and have another drink at Sloppy Joe's.

My daughters have (or will have) taken an 8th grade trip to D.C. w/o us. Just a few parents as guides. We don't think twice about sending them.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Having lived the life of a softball player from age 10, I am now having flashbacks to the sleeping arrangements. I had been thinking more along the lines of the girls racing up and down the halls all night and putting vodka in their power aid bottles. OK. Now, my DD is staying in my room.

 

[chinamigarden]

Not sure why the nasty responses on this matter but to each his/her own.

I'm glad for those of you that live in areas where you don't hear about coaches getting reported to police, fired, and/or prosecuted for inappropriate conduct with players...seems like we see at least one or two a month here in SoCal...

There is that risk everywhere. But there is that sort of risk in everything your dd will do for the rest of her life. If you shield her with your body until she leaves for college, will she be prepared to recognize the dangers by herself? Plus all of the cases of inappropriate conduct I have read about are cases where the perp groomed his/her victim over the course of time, not at the first tourney the kid ever went too. Thats why as a good parent you will talk to your child about whats appropriate and what is not both before and after, thats why you ask your kid mulitiple times about what happens at practice and games you don't attend...

We have to let them go off sometime, its better to let it happen in large groups then to wait until you send her off alone to college.

 

[JJsqueeze]

You just described Key West. One of my favorite vacation spots. I've even taken my kids there.

A very eclectic but really fun place. Someway somehow it all works out when you just sit down and have another drink at Sloppy Joe's.

My daughters have (or will have) taken an 8th grade trip to D.C. w/o us. Just a few parents as guides. We don't think twice about sending them.

I forgot to throw parrot heads in the mix. Throw a stick in Fl. and you hit 5 Jimmy Buffet fans. Talk about dangerous.

 

[chinamigarden]

I forgot to throw parrot heads in the mix. Throw a stick in Fl. and you hit 5 Jimmy Buffet fans. Talk about dangerous.

Just hold up the salt shaker, they become immobile as there is no longer anything to sing about.

 

[JJsqueeze]

As long as cheeseburgers are not on the menu this helps.

 

[JJsqueeze]

I have a sudden urge to pick up my acoustic and see if I remember any chords from my college campfire days.

Mother mother ocean..

Ok I'm done with my hijack.

 

[ms244]

Having lived the life of a softball player from age 10, I am now having flashbacks to the sleeping arrangements. I had been thinking more along the lines of the girls racing up and down the halls all night and putting vodka in their power aid bottles. OK. Now, my DD is staying in my room.

Not sure if this is helping me!

 

[cmustangsfp]

There is that risk everywhere. But there is that sort of risk in everything your dd will do for the rest of her life. If you shield her with your body until she leaves for college, will she be prepared to recognize the dangers by herself?

Take the case of Jaycee Dugard. She was kidnapped at age 11. She was held for 18 years. People asked why she didn't run away when she got older? It was because she still had the skills she learned as an 11 year old. The perp didn't provide any life lessons but the continued abuse and brutality. So yes I will protect them until they get older. At least then they will have learned more about how to cope in life and be more mentally able to protect themselves. Yes they have learned self defense moves and have even practiced them on me (and you thought being a bucket dad was tough, try being a "hit them in the private parts" pinata! Sometimes those cushions move!). Do I totally shield them from everything? No. They have been to sleepovers. But that was also after we spent some time getting to know the parents.

Plus all of the cases of inappropriate conduct I have read about are cases where the perp groomed his/her victim over the course of time, not at the first tourney the kid ever went too. Thats why as a good parent you will talk to your child about whats appropriate and what is not both before and after, thats why you ask your kid mulitiple times about what happens at practice and games you don't attend...

We have to let them go off sometime, its better to let it happen in large groups then to wait until you send her off alone to college.

Then you need to go read some psychology case studies about rape and molestation if you think it never happens at the first tourney, the first sleepover, the first summer camp, the first trip walking home, etc. I have been around psychology for a long time and read many case studies and talked to many victims where it wasn't always grooming over a long time. There were plenty of cases where it was a spur of the moment type of thing. Not all perps work the same way. So to think that you are protecting them by assuming it will only happen over a long period of time and you will have the time and be able to intervene and stop it, is a dangerous and foolish assumption. I have personally seen cases at summer camps where kids were taken advantage of on the spot. Most kids will not know how to react to it, even the ones witnessing it. I know I witnessed some things happen to other people at a one week summer camp that I didn't realize until I was much older what had happened to them. I think I was "spared" because I went with my brother and we were always together.

Tallking is great, if you can get them to talk about it. Molestation is a very powerful attack on a person. It causes so many conflicting feelings most victims find it hard to talk about it and will lie to themselves and others to help them pretend it didn't happen. To compound that problem, society places a negative stigma on "therapy" so many people avoid going for help to avoid being labled "crazy". Then you have the whole "Who are they going to believe? The coach or me?" Sadly too often the coach/teacher/police officer/priest/church going person/insert respected authority figure here is given too much credit and the victim gets victimized twice.

Maybe my time in law enforcement agencies and my experience in the psychology realm has caused me to be too cynical having seen the dark side of humanity, but I would rather be too careful and it not happen, than be too lax and have it happen once. Because once it happens, it changes the victim for a long time.

I applaud you for having that open communication with your kids. If you feel comfortable with the people on the trip then that is your judgement. I just don't blindly trust people because of who they are.