teammates are smoking weed

[02Crush]

Unless it happened on your watch I do not know that it is really your issue to deal with. I think maybe it calls for modifying the team rules a bit to include this topic. I think we have to let other parents be the parent of their child. Even if we disagree with their methods. Who are we to know what is best. We are all different in how we raise our kids in one way or another. Many of our kids turn out fine. If the parents came to you to address it I would say differently. Othwrise as I said above, unless you caught them toking it up soemwhere at a tournement on your watch I do not know you have the right to do much about it. This is a tough spot to be in, that is for sure.

 

[knightsb]

In an attempt to get the girls talking again I offered to buy McDonalds for them on the way home.

Munchies..... JK couldn't resist

 

[coach james]

I dont think McDonalds sells cheedo's ... lol

 

[GOINGDEEP]

I dont think McDonalds sells cheedo's ... lol

No, but they do super size......oh so I heard.

 

[T.J.]

Funny... I thought the brownie tasted earthy...
Practice went as I expected... elephant in the room. The new girl came to "try out" and wowed everyone, but heres where is got weird... toker and my dd used to be pretty close before the weed or bullying incident and now they are supposed to hate each other. I get a call today as Im headed to practice...its the stoner and her friend and they need a ride!!!!!!! OMG ARE YOU F'n KIDDING ME???? I decide to kill her with kindness and pick her and her friend up. My dd is soooo pissed at me as we pull up. Practice stayed busy and somewhat productive. In an attempt to get the girls talking again I offered to buy McDonalds for them on the way home. We stop and get some lunch and the girls slowly start chatting about school and typical gossip. As we are headed home after dropping the girls off, my dd's phone rings... its her, and now shes asking if dd has plans tonight and can she come over???? I dont know what the hell happened? But at least theyre not shooting death glares anymore.

Been there done most all of that. Many times I've had the back of my truck full of kids that are talking, not talking, hate and/or love each other. It's constantly changing that you need a flow chart to keep track of who's talking and not talking to who, when and why; and the carousel of rotating boyfriends is a nightmare too. Recently my DD was so upset with one girl (over a boy) I had assure her that they would soon be talking b/c as an example the girl she is close to now, were enemies back in November. And as expected the girl she was upset with now spend Sundays together at the cages....it's typical drama that all teenage girls deal with every day. Speaking of DD drama, today's Super Bowl party will be interesting, oy vey!

I guess my point is that perhaps nothing "happened" except Life; this is the way it goes for teenagers. Heck, maybe in the Tokers eyes they were always still close and the bullying incident was just her screwing around, pushing some buttons, being pushed by others, and felt she never jeopardized their friendship....girls will be girls, who really knows. But if your daughter held her own and gave it back a little maybe that's the end of that and in the tokers eyes thats all over and today is today.

I know you're probably apprehensive about your DD goin over there and I'm not about to offer any parenting advice on that. The only thing I'll say is that yes, the toker and her jabronies might try to influence your DD, but your DD might also influence the toker....good can prevail at times. That and if the toker is truly close with your DD she probably wouldn't even think of doing that with or even near her; good friends can be like that. However if your DD grabs the big bag of Doritos before she leaves only one word should come out of your mouth..."FREEZE"!

 

[T.J.]

Would the discussion be so tolerant if this was a coach smoking weed? No matter what age it is illegal to smoke weed. Coaches have to take care of the best interest of the team as well as their own moral compass. Parents need to parent, but some where there needs to be repercussions or it makes it alright. As far as bullying that is totally unacceptable and should be dealt with severely at any level. Until society makes either one totally unacceptable it will be issues that will never go away.

Are you saying to "Cut Her"?

 

[splinterpicker]

Yes I would cut her. Not because I am judging her. There are many things to me that can bring a team down. Drama, not paying, bad attitudes etc. These kids get cut all the time what make this situation any different. I never did such as a kid and pray I do not have to ever deal with my DD doing so. As a coach I can care for ther kids,provied a safe enviroment, guide them on the field and hope the things learned help them sometime in the future. I am not a qualified guidance couselor, psychiatrist, nor do I know any thing about rehab. You have to do what is best for yourself and the rest of the team. If your gut tells you to keep her them keep her.

 

[grounded]

I would like to think each and everyone of us has done something we shouldn't have....I live in a small town too, everyone knows everything about everyone. Personally, I dont believe in the one mistake and you burn them. As I said, I'm sure we all have done something in our past that we're not proud of ...drugs, alcohol....at an age that wasn't even close to appropriate...I myself would hate to blackball someone over an experiment in life. Small town life, the boot off the team would get out; she would be the "bad" influence on a team. Talk about it as a team, and address it with the family in private directly. Let the parents parent, and you coach....if it continues, then you will have to address the issue. I would like to think that after everything we tried as youths, we have mostly all turned out to be good people. No reason to think any different in this instance.

 

[rydog73]

I know you're probably apprehensive about your DD goin over there and I'm not about to offer any parenting advice on that. The only thing I'll say is that yes, the toker and her jabronies might try to influence your DD, but your DD might also influence the toker....good can prevail at times. That and if the toker is truly close with your DD she probably wouldn't even think of doing that with or even near her; good friends can be like that. However if your DD grabs the big bag of Doritos before she leaves only one word should come out of your mouth..."FREEZE"!

Totally agree with this. Your DD could change the path this girl has started to go down. When I was a freshman in HS my bestfriend got in with the pot crowd and I made it clear that I wasn't cool with it. He knew I was down to hang out anytime drugs were not around but if they were don't call me. It took about a year but we gradually started to hang out again and he stopped with the weed altogether. Sounds like your DD is strong willed enough to stay away from it but I would definitely keep a closer eye on the friendship.

As far as what to do about the team. If you would have cut her before this other player was in the picture you should cut her now. I however would sit down with her and her parents and explain that everyone makes mistakes (esp. kids) so she is getting another chance. Going forward there will be zero tolerance on all drugs, alcohol and tobacco if she wants to remain on the team. The ball is now in her court.

 

[Goobie]

My DD's high school has a code of conduct that includes random drug testing for all athletes. This includes Pot as well as steroids, etc. If you test positive you are dismissed from the team, etc.

Each year the head coach has a talk with the players explaining that they never know when they will be tested. Many girls use softball as a way to a college education. Testing positive in a drug test will not only end their high school athletic career, it could also jeopardize their chances at earning a college degree.

She further goes on to address testing positive for pot as a result of second hand smoke. If the player is in a car or other space when someone else is lighting up, they could very easily test positive. That is still a positive test and will result in the same penalty. The message? Don't hang around with people that are lighting up. If they do, politely excuse yourself from the situation explaining that you are not "un-cool" but have random drug tests and don't want anything to happen.

The threat of a random drug test mandated by the school is a good "excuse" for those girls that might fall susceptible to peer pressure. It gives them an easy way out of the situation.

(Also... she covers NOT being at a party where others are smoking pot or drinking as inevitably pictures will show up on facebook, etc and that is also against the code).